At work: not only did BigBoss not get the job she applied and interviewed for, NOBODY got the job... nobody was good enough and they’re going to relist it again. OUCH. How awful to have to announce that to everyone.

On a related note, a job I applied for twice (got an interview the first time but not a second interview, heard nothing the second time) is up on the job board again. Note to self: clearly I’m not good enough to get that job. I don’t think I care any more anyway.

Someone is being a total dick about not getting her important document again. She insisted on having it sent to her for free, didn’t get it, and now is throwing whopping shit fits and is gonna have to spend $100 to get it replaced. WE TOLD YOU SO. Added fun bonus: we’re not allowed to take electronic or phone payments, of course this is international, and our credit card machine is not only broken, 2nd in Command doesn’t want to get it fixed. WTF?!?! (Note from later: girl still hasn’t paid and the credit card machine is broken forever.)

I talked to my therapist again for the first time in two weeks and boy, did I have a lot to recount. Her thoughts on the dude drama were:

(a) When I commented that if Scott seems to be so sensitive/noticing of lady stuff and yet has not noticed my annoyance at him ogling Cameron, she said, “people are unbelievably ignorant about their behavior, is what I can tell you.”
(b) “We want people who we can’t have, then we don’t worry about it. That makes it very easy.”
(c) “What have you got to lose at this point?” I was all, sanity, self esteem, dignity? But do I have any of that already?

We also discussed reading Toil and Trouble and my wondering if I am picking up psychic shit in a different way means it’s still valid or invalid. Lemme explain: roughly speaking, there’s four main methods of people picking up stuff: clairvoyance (visions, dreams), clairaudence (songs in your head, voice in your head), clairsentience (kinda hard to explain and I never found a good link on what I mean...”gut feeling,” empathy, vaguer version of what comes next) and claircognizance (suddenly I “just know” something, like getting a “ping” about guys I will end up dating or knowing freshman year of high school that something bad was going to happen to my dad at age 50). My primary thing is the “just knowing” with a minor in clairaudience because I hear stuff (it just sounds like my own voice saying to tell someone I love them or whatever, which thankfully isn’t going “worship the demon Beezelbub” or something).

But when I’ve had the rare occasional vision thing, it has usually not panned out. I had one psychic dream in which I remembered where I put a lost thing and that’s been about it. Hell, when we were at Little Shop I had a weird brief vision of Scott wearing a wedding ring and was all, “oh fuck no, that’s too much, I must be crazy,” and it turned out he had to wear one for being in the play next weekend because his character is married. Make of this shit what you will, and the vision in the ring (silver middle, gold edges) wasn’t even the kind he had on in the play (gold only because duh, nickel allergy), so I think it’s mostly a wash. So if I have some vision, I should reasonably assume it is bullshit because that has not played out at all well compared to anything I “just know” or hear.

However, I am having some .... I guess I’d say clairsentience between it’s not certain, it’s just a vague “I think this is gonna happen” thoughts. Namely, that (a) if we ever get together it’ll be when it’s cold in November/December (most likely the latter), because I have had “nine months” floating around in my head for several months now and I met him in late March. And when I flip through The Book Of Ordinary Oracles I get “wait until winter (or at least until things cool off),” which I interpret as “after The Cold Snap goes down.”

I also .... I’m very ashamed to admit this one, but shit got triggered on this today so I feel like I have to mention it: I keep feeling like at some point I’m going to play Miss Glace. And indeed.... when I went to rehearsal that night, I came in and the following had happened:

(a) Anita was at some conference or other, leaving Cameron to assistant direct alone.
(b) Scott and Cameron (and maybe Robert since I guess he was not feeling great either) have come down with colds since Saturday night and Cameron had enough of a sore throat to not want to speak.
(c) Therefore, I was subbing in as Miss Glace, which I haven’t done since the first week of rehearsal.

I would also like to note that tonight was the rehearsal of the third act, which...features the kissing scene. Ahem. Not that they are actually kissing during rehearsal, mind you (something I had to explain to my therapist about how shows work). I was texting my therapist and she said, “Your life sure has gotten more interesting in the past many months.” Hah. Scott seemed unfazed by this.

I really haven’t actually watched what Cameron is doing in the third act, or much of the third act at all, for the last few weeks because I’ve been off working on my costume or rehearsing the song. I vaguely remember watching them do it once because after I do my bits, I’m out for the rest of it. So really, I had no effing idea on the blocking as to conducting the kids, how I’m supposed to be breaking up a fight, and Scott had to drag me around and yell out at me to come onstage because I keep forgetting Miss Glace has one line when Shirley gets stage fright, etc. Oops.

I was also a bit disconcerted going back and forth between parts. Robert also ran off to use the phone outside...for quite a while, missing the cue to come in and do the song, so they skipped it. We technically did it while wandering around stage on the second go round, but it went terribly. We were practicing it in the green room earlier and that went a lot better than the stage moment, but we haven’t really rehearsed or blocked what the hell we are doing on that either, to be fair. Alexis sent us some recordings to work on it.

As for the kissing scene: backstage Scott told me that he and Cameron were just hugging and then I proceeded to make the joke, “Either that or we do a dramatic fist bump.” Later he came back and said, “Let’s go ahead and do the fist bump.” (My therapist later: “Why did you say that?” “I dunno, shit comes out of my mouth?”) Suddenly I was reminded of reading The Actor and the Housewife and how they ate a ton of garlic before kissing. Okay, so he also has a cold and was going on about not trying to pass it on to more people too. Though I was all, “I don’t care, I don’t tend to catch other people’s colds unless it’s pneumonia, in which case I would definitely avoid you.” And sure ‘nuff, I have not caught anyone’s cold as I write this from the future, booyah. I am immune from any cast plague that may go around, or work plagues either.

Anyway, the one time we did that ended up being pretty ridiculous not just beyond fist bumpage, but the part in the script where oh, she’s supposed to run off and he had to like, wrestle me back on. It was kind of a trainwreck, but oh well, who cares, that was half the night anyway.

Though I did have one thought: Cameron’s maybe an inch taller than I am, and is about as inclined to wear heels as I am, i.e. not very and not usually very tall ones if she is. In the script, Miss Glace definitely makes the move on Mr. Hilton. But how the hell do you kiss a tall dude if he’s not bending down to assist and you’re like a head shorter? I can embarrassingly say from recent humilating vague not-quite-there experience that this does not quite seem doable to me. Not that this is my problem to deal with, mind you, but logistically, what the heck’s she gonna do, yank on his tie?

At least the backstage snark between the guys and I was fun, see below. At one point we were making comments about how Mary admitting she was pregnant should have been a much bigger deal at that time, like announcing that she was a slut. It’s so underwhelming when delivered by kids.

Quotes and moments:

“It’s gonna be like an episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway around here.” -Cameron during a brief moment of speaking.

We are supposed to be off book tonight (hah, not an issue for me, but was for others) and Trent was all, “She” (Cameron) can’t talk, so we can’t get in trouble (with Anita).”

Me to one of the kids that gets into a fight in act 3 that Miss Glace breaks up: “I’m going to substitute in as the teacher tonight. Try not to punch me in the face, that’s all I ask.”

Bridget, Robert and I were rehearsing our song in the green room and heard some giant racket out in the stage area. It sounds like they’re playing Red Rover, Robert said.

Robert borrowed some random orange...wrap thing and is using a small backpack as Santa’s pack at the moment. “What a large sack you have, Santa Claus,” said i. “That’s what she said,” Scott added.

Alexis’s brother, who plays most of the “evil” characters, was watching some video on his phone with his headphones in backstage. This is not a good idea.

Robert onstage with the three wise men: “Someone needs to ask me something.”

There is some random song in the show that doesn’t seem to exist anywhere else in life, other than it ends with a line about asses. “I don’t think anyone knows this song,” Scott said. I think I said it was just there for the asses.

As a kid falls off the stage: “Try not to die. We need all limbs attached.” -Cameron, in a rare moment of speaking at the end.

During our two minute break, I was reading “Lust and Wonder” and had to read the following to Bridget and later to Scott (who being sick, possibly found this amusing for that reason). The scene: After ten years of secret pining for his agent, Christopher, and not asking the guy out because he has HIV, Augusten finally writes out his love in an email. I didn’t read everyone the love letter, but it starts out with “Two things: First, did you ever hear back about the sub rights about a sale for India? The other thing is slightly out of the blue. I love you, is the thing.” It then goes on to basically propose marriage, ask when his birthday is and how he wants to know everything about him, and he tried for years not to be in love with him and failed. “I have actually loved you from very early on in our relationship. Possibly as early as our first meeting.” D’awwwwww!

Christopher’s response that I read aloud is as follows: “Well, that certainly qualifies as your most shocking piece of writing in my learned opinion. But as fascinating and flattering and strangely hallucinatory as I found it, it can’t possibly be true. I am a crusty old sack of disease with holes blown through it, like a horror movie character that can’t be killed. Which makes you, sir, crazy. So snap out of it. This is just a phase.” After Augusten writes back asking if he can see him as more than a client, Christopher retorts, “I have AIDS and cancer, and you’re a Purell addict.”

I like Christopher. Hell, I think I have a crush on him after reading this book. He sounds delightful. I also found an article by him on Medium (note: limits clicks) about how he is a literary character because he got together with a memoirist and what did he expect, which is also a delight. He also has the line, ”Did I mention that I’m a miracle? That I’m like…the Energizer bunny crossed with a zombie?” Anyway. It’s not quite my favorite love letter of all time, but this exchange may be number two for me. There is a followup to this in the New York Times:

“When you tell a guy you are in love with him and he quotes “Moonstruck,” except he’s not quoting it, but actually saying it fresh, that’s the right guy.”
“It’s a crush,” he told me. “It will pass.”
To which I replied, “After 10 years, I don’t think it’s a crush.”
Eventually, I strong-armed him into test-driving me as a boyfriend. Because he knew me. He has read every word I’ve ever written, only a fraction of which I’ve published. He knows the parts of me that are wholly unsuitable for publication, and he still speaks to me.
I, in turn, had spent a decade calling him numerous times a day, stopping by his office because I was in the neighborhood (via a $10 cab ride) in order to memorize him, to learn him as one would study a fine sapphire.
I knew we were right for each other. He did not know this. Until the moment he knew it. And from that moment on, I became a happy person. Not a person who thinks he’s happy, but one who actually is.”

Since everyone else was sick, I was the only one to go to karaoke. Hardly anyone else was there except Jim, Susie and Ashley, Frank, and a couple of other dudes. Also the bar closed at 10:30 for a lack of Daylight Savings Time, we were told (um, what?). Jim sang “San Francisco” to me and Matthew went out to find him a flower for his uh, lack of hair, which he wound around the frame of Jim’s glasses. I did “I Really Like You,” “Save Tonight,” and “If I Could Change Your Mind.” I dueted on “Jackson” with Frank, who was ah, happy to see me. Matthew asked me if I could make a one eyed ski mask and brought what was dubbed as a “stalker stick” (some automated selfie stick that moves with you) to try out.

Quotes:
“Trust me, if you sucked, I would be the first one to tell you. I’ve said that to everybody.” -Matthew, I think that was to a new guy.
“Whatever you do, do not listen to your dad. Reverse psychology.” -Jim
“Ashley’s first closing of a bar. That’s some good parenting right there.” -Jim

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