Chaos Attraction

Another Supremely Busy Weekend

2005-11-07, 2:37 p.m.

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I am so tired after this weekend! Busy, busy, busy! I may end up spending a good portion of next weekend recovering from this one.

On Friday, I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to prep some kind of demonstration of how to do glass fusing pieces before Mom and Mauricio showed up. I managed to get enough prep done before they showed up (at 5:30- that's early for Mom). They seemed to like it. Mauricio went off and did one of his own that he wants me to pick up ASAP. He wanted to come back to the CC ASAP, but they're closed next Friday. Oh well.

I then hauled them both off to make them pick out the yarn and patterns they wanted for the stuff they want me to make. Mom picked out a poncho pattern, big ol' Homespun yarn (not my thing, but whatever), with fur trim. Yeah, that'll be weird to make. But even weirder is what Mauricio wanted- screeching orange worsted yarn combined with Tiger Eye yarn (found here), made into a knitted hat. This may be the ugliest thing EVER. But *shrug* hey, I'm not gonna be the one wearing it. After that, we did dinner, went home, passed out...

Or at least, I TRIED to pass out. Mom's piled so much crap on every available surface in the house that when I'm over there I have to sleep in her bed. And she has a cold...and was snoring. At one point I attempted to sleep on the floor. I am still suffering from massive sleep hangover from that night, I swear.

(Seriously, THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL SHE IS GETTING THE HOUSE CLEANED UP FOR THANKSGIVING. Just... no way. She doesn't have enough space left in any room to hide it all. Plus there's squeezing in all of the people. She was all, "I don't want to have to invite Alicia's boyfriend, we don't have room." I'm thinking, excuse me, you'd invite other people's boyfriends now?!)

On Saturday, she wanted to go shopping for something formal to wear to a richie-rich auction she's working next weekend, and found something great. She bought me a bunch of stuff while she was at it...which all things considered, was kind of insane. I kind of get the impression she doesn't like what I pick out for myself when she's not around, and she thus looks for opportunities to get me dressed right. But...whatever.

We then went to the Hawaiian Festival, which was awesome and made me feel like I was in Hawaii again, somehow. Stocked up on a lot of jewelry and hair clips and such, it was all very exciting. Gorgeous stuff. Plus the Hawaiian food was good, and the weather didn't suck (no rain! sun! not too chilly!), so that was a relief. I love getting plumeria-type stuff. Mom bought a set of opal plumeria jewelry (earrings, pendant, ring) for the both of us...which was also quite insane, but hey, it was quality pieces and where are we going to pick things like this up again?

I found out there's going to be another Hawaiian festival up in Sacramento in December, I'm going to try to see if I can get her to come up here for that. (Can anyone tell I miss Hawaii?)

After that was the usual obligatory visit to Dad. I had brought my laptop along in hopes of trying to get my NaNo novel worked on, but the room was clogged with all kinds of random furniture and I couldn't even sit in a chair for all the hours we were there- I sat on the windowsill. (And why on earth did they have the window open and fans on in San Leandro, which is cold even in summer?) We just sat there for hours shivering, bored, and trying not to look at Dad's most recent (and gross in ways you don't want me to describe, and why couldn't they fucking put a sheet on those oozing body parts, please?) roommate.


There's nothing quite like having a great experience and then having to go visit Dad. It brings you down so fast, especially since around him we have to pretend we never do anything interesting or fun without him.

Sunday mostly sucked, because we had to spend most of the day with Dad. Aunt Susie, Uncle Brad, and all the cousins showed up to visit him and were actually there for most of an hour, which was surprising. Especially since on the Relative Hierarchy, Mom really doesn't expect much from them since they're just in-laws. They had a well-planned excuse for leaving- "oh, we have to go to lunch with Brad's aunt and uncle"- and oh, how I wished I could leave with them.

I was an especially bad girl on Sunday. Mom asked me if I'd like to say goodbye to Dad, and what shoots out of my mouth? "No!" I swear, I couldn't even fucking stop myself this time. She just stared at me until I got up to say goodbye, and then tried to get me to touch his hand. And what did I do then? Not only did I practically yell "No!", I yanked my hand away when she tried to make me touch him.


And people wonder why I have low self-esteem and think that I am an asshole? Why the fuck can't I just lie to myself and pretend that everything's fine and he's still a person and he's not gross at all just to look at? Why can't I go in there not wanting to vomit? Plenty of other people do it, why can't I just suck it up and be what everyone wants me to be?

I can say for Mom that at least she mostly laid off of the "If you'd just suck it up and try harder and put yourself in his shoes..." lecture this time. It's not like I don't KNOW I'm being a shit, I just can't bring myself to do any better than I'm (not) doing.

We went to Fenton's Creamery afterwards, which was scrumptious, and something we'd meant to do after visiting Dad sometime for awhile now. What we really need to do is do the sad Dad visits earlier in the day and THEN go do something fun, rather than the other way around. It seems to leave a better taste in the mouth at the end of the day than going to bed with "I'm an asshole" lingering at the top of my brain the way it does.

Unfortunately, by the time I got home around 8 p.m. I was incredibly zonked and could have passed out asleep right then and there. And yet, I hadn't gotten squat done on NaNo in two days and HAD TO WORK ON IT RIGHT NOW. I managed to keep myself only two days behind rather than three, but that was about it for my miraculous writing stint.

I then went to bed around 11:30, still really dead tired, just in time for...the Squeaky Sex People to start boinking like bunnies above me. You know, I don't begrudge other people having sex, but I do begrudge them having it noisily on nights where I can't fucking wear earplugs to bed because I have to be able to hear the alarm at the crack of dawn. They were so loud I ended up putting in earplugs anyway, but then I was too paranoid to be able to sleep ("what if I sleep through the alarm?"), so I was up until they were er, down. Oh well, I guess God's gotta get in his punishment for my bad behavior somehow.

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