Chaos Attraction

Mall Santas Would Be Like, Dude

2019-11-07, 7:29 a.m.


Didn’t do much besides sew stuff coming undone on my costume and finished another pie and got versions of Carol of the Bells downloaded onto my iPod. Not a productive day after work like I intended. Also it took forever to write up Tuesday.

My other coworkers asked how the funeral went/how my fake love life is going, and after I recounted that, Lioness said, “I don’t think I like him any more.” “I’m not so thrilled with him myself,” I said. But then again, she and her husband had a bad breakup for years before getting back together and he shaped up, so who knows.

Today’s synchronicities: at the Farmer’s Market, walked by a booth selling 8 heart shaped bamboo, then the booth by that had a heart on one of the stickers on the cash box. On the way home I found some weird playing card for a Korean boy band that had a heart on it.


Today was Luis the temp’s last day per regulations and we were all bummed. However, he has an interview at Apple tomorrow, which he said he was considering withdrawing from because the job is in Elk Grove and he has to deal with taking his kid to school. We were all no, go just in case, and then we found out that (a) he got RECRUITED for this and (b) he’s on the third and last interview, and it offers better benefits and pay and he can work from home, and we were all, DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIT. I was all, “dude, I’d sell my soul to actually be wanted and recruited for something.”

Quotes from various coworkers, which I should leave anonymous in some cases...
“We’re all a bunch of characters, I tell you.” (new interim boss)
“We should all make our own special snowflakes. Everyone will think it’s festive but it’s our own inside joke.”
Luis couldn’t find his name tag for a bit and suggested borrowing an old name tag of someone who left whose name started with L and hiding the rest of it inside his shirt. “There’s an L. That’s all you need to see.”
Luis said he considered dressing up on the last day, but wasn’t sure he could maintain it all day.
“I came by to say goodbye and eat snacks.”
“That’s what I’ve learned in the last month: don’t take care of other people’s problems!”
Directed at Luis: “So are you excited to leave!” Responded to by someone else with, “Savage little brat!”
Also directed at Luis: “You know what I’m going to miss? Giving you the annoying calls.”
“Everything always works out, but it’s horrible while it’s happening.” -Hannah, who’s very profound like that.

During our morning stroll, some of my coworkers and I ran into a former coworker who asked how things were going here. Lioness certainly told her what was going on dramawise. The former coworker said everything is going great for her in her new job. Lucky girl. Why are some folks lucking out and some do not, I wonder.

On the way home from work, I looked up at the mostly full moon and thought, “Something about the moon on the 12th.” Who the fuck knows where that vague premonition came from, but the full moon is on that day and it’s a Tuesday, so there’s potential...

I think the synchronicities are getting to be a bit much or that I am deluding myself or turning into a whack job. Hearts be fucking everywhere, yo. Starting to wonder about my sanity.

Thursday was Picture Day, we didn’t even actually do much rehearsal other than songs while waiting around for the photographer to arrive late. It wasn’t Jeff (where is Jeff?), but it was the third Scott that’s in this theater company that I’ve heard of but never seen. Can’t say I had much conversation with him, but I guess he’s a big deal and hasn’t been in anything in a while.

Robert got his cheap Santa costume, which has a truly pathetic beard (he’s fine with it), three hats for some reason, a gold bling looks more like pageant Santa, not mall Santa.
”It also comes with gift wrap in case Santa doesn’t have his own gift wrap.”- me
“The belt doesn’t fit. I’m not as fat as Santa. That works.” -Robert.
Later we stuffed his shirt with my yarn in lieu of belly. “You made it sound like the yarn went down your pants.” -me
“The boot covers look like Hagrid feet.” -me
“Mall Santas would be like, dude.” -Scott
“I don’t think it looks so natural, but this is what it looks like for a high school play.” -Robert
“This is like an 80’s version of Santa.” -Robert
We discussed having breakaway pants in the outfit:
“Breakaway Santa strip club.” -me
“Chippendale Santa.” -Scott
Trying to figure out the bling bag: “Oh, it’s your sack!” -me
“That’s what she said.” -Scott
“You put it on a tee and you give me the bat.” -Scott (I forget the context?)
“You’re half Santa Claus.” -Abner to Robert when he only had the pants on.

I have no idea who said, “I’m pregnant too, Mary.”
“A virgin slut.” -Gail

The kid playing King James tried on his crown, which is so big it goes around his neck. “I think I look perfect,” he said.

The lady who had a baby (Kristen) came in with her baby (Lena). I immediately asked about the Halloween costume. “My husband was a miner and she was the golden nugget.” She also said the power was out the entire time they were at the hospital and it came back on an hour after they got home.

“There’s the baby Jesus.” -me
“You know, Kristen, we need a baby Jesus....” -Anita

“Someone has to go shepherd the shepherds.” -me

Santa’s sleigh is missing! “Last Christmas, I gave you my sleigh.” -me
“But the very next day, you gave it away.” -Alexis

“I’m collecting all kinds of stupid things.” -Jesse

“One o’clock to midnight. We’re gonna go through the whole thing 4 times.” -Anita

While we were standing in line for photos, Robert and I were looking at the Statue of Liberty torch, which is very rubbery. He said it looks like a sad ice cream cone, and I said looked like it was good for whacking people with.

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