I Am A Rock, I Am An Island
2005-11-09, 3:03 p.m.
From my favorite strange astro-poetry site, the Daily Fix:
Yeah, I do seem to be feeling THAT today.
Found out this morning that my shrink is leaving the university.
This bums me out in so many ways. I've seen a few other shrinks here, but this one had experience in eldercare and knew what I was going through. Plus she's relly cool. Plus she was the one that ran the support group, so now that won't be going on any more either.
I am just sad. Yet again, I go back to not having any mental health options I can afford any more. *sigh*
In other depressing news... I can't really go into the details, but let's just say Mom found out some not-great things about one of her friends. Aforementioned friend hasn't done anything bad, per se, but there's an awkward, weird, and nonsensical situation going on that makes me think maybe she'd be better off uh, not associating with the person so much any more so as to avoid the potential drama explosion. But on the other hand, she has so few friends that in a way, she can't really afford to let anyone go, and I know she's not going to. Though even she knows there's just something weird going on.
She said at one point, "Maybe I should just stay away from other people, the way you do. I think you might be right that that's for the best."
I was reading Since You Asked (Salon link), which featured a really pissed-off woman whose son had had a horrible and permanently disabling case of meningitis, and her best friend promptly flaked off and abandoned her.
"Lots of people came through for us, but my "best friend" was AWOL. I got the feeling she was beginning to distance herself. We had a bunch of lame phone conversations over the next weeks, during which she said that she knew I needed to give all my attention to my family, so she was going to give me my space. When I said I needed her help, she said that she was going through a difficult time herself and was sorry that she couldn't be there for me.
Here's Cary's response in part: "People fail you, they do, they let you down when you need them, they get suddenly dense when you need them to be smart, they fold when you need them to open up, they close right before you get there and sleep through your honking horn in the snow. "I know she's in there, where else could she be? Why doesn't she come to the door?" People fail you, they do, they let you down when you need them. They don't say they're sorry because they don't even know. That's how dense they are. (And maybe wounded, too, in ways we can't see, but we're not in a mood for sympathy, are we?)
And people wonder why I drift off from people, and don't have my own little support network and crap like that. Believe me, nobody that hasn't already been there wants to be forced to hear this depressing shit, and will run like fuckall if they get forced to too much by you. I'm better off just not socializing most of the time and/or dropping out of most of society.
Oh, and by the way, reading stuff like this (also Salon) just infuriates me: "Single women spend tons of time rationalizing why its ok to be single, why it's because of all the unsuitable men, because it's "just as valid" to be loved by your cats and your mother and your girlfriends. As another poster wrote, a normal heterosexual --- male or female --- who has experienced deep, fulfilling, mature love knows that most careers and no material things could possibly hold a candle to the spiritual growth and emotional security that comes from a loving and stable relationship. The rare exceptions would be artists or scientists who are actually contributing something very important to humanity and are wrapped up in their work, but for the rest of us schlubs our careers aren't even close to saving the world. Marriage and children are the best ways to contribute to the future for the average person.
Bugger off, bitch.