Chaos Attraction

Future Freakout #2

2011-11-09, 5:27 p.m.

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So... On one of the hippie-dippie message boards I hang out on, they talk about partnering a LOT. The lady who runs the site doesn't sound like she's been single since puberty, is happily married, obviously dudes come easy to those in her family, so she is all about how partnership is Teh Awesome. Obviously I never got born with that luck in life, so I tend to look upon this stuff like it's a foreign language. It really just doesn't seem to work for me-- and I don't just mean romantically either. I remember this lady saying once that if a partner didn't come along when she needed one she got nothing done. Of course, obviously for her they always came along. I remember thinking, "If I need a buddy to hold my hand, I get nothing done because nobody comes." Once again, it seems like a "you get lucky or you don't" sort of thing.

Asking for help is not a favorite thing of mine to do either. It seems like if I need help and flat out ask someone, they can't, won't, or don't wanna do it. (Exhibit A being my mom, because she'll only want to help me if It's her idea. If I asked her for $700 she'd pitch a shit fit, obviously.) Okay, so that's my mom's issue, but it's funny how that seems to play out with people besides her. It's like the networking thing: if it happens organically and arises from the occasion, everything works fine. If you have to ask flat out, it doesn't.

What this is really boiling down to is that I have come to the conclusion that when it comes to the trip or two to LA that I think I need to take when warmer weather comes along, I won't be getting anyone else to come with me. I really want and need someone along to hold my hand on that, but it ain't happening. People are apparently quite busy. At this point once again the options boil down to "do nothing, do it alone, or do it with Mom." Except "do nothing" is a pretty bad idea at this point and obviously Mom ain't gonna be on my side for this one.

I am pretty much shitting bricks over this. I can get myself to an airport alone, I can sorta rent a hotel room (I have...but uh, at an extremely dicey place that probably rented by the hour, don't ask), but it's gonna be the renting a car and driving everywhere all alone thing that makes me wanna shit bricks here. Dear god, I'm not ready and I'm not sure I will be ready to handle LA freeways all alone by March. Hell, I'm still not sure how to negotiate myself off of a freeway (or parallel park) alone right now.

Unfortunately... ain't nobody gonna help my ass on this part either by now and I am out of people to learn from except for Psycho Mom, and that's no good. I will just have to figure this out alone by myself on a Zipcar and hope to shit I don't fuck up their car. Not to mention figuring out how to buy my own car.

Oh god.


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