Chaos Attraction

Let The Child Impregnate Herself

2019-11-11, 5:49 p.m.

I went with Mom to Apple Hill today since we both had the day off and she made it clear she wasn’t going on a Sunday (by which I mean, leaving Roger on a Sunday). She was very gripey that there were so many people on a holiday, to which I was all, what did you expect? Shoulda gone earlier in the year, duh. Suck it up. We got more apples, the usual food treats, etc., fairly typical day for us except I decided to sample the cider champagne on an empty stomach and got day drunk for an hour. This disturbed Mom and amused me. We dropped by Alicia’s house to briefly hang out with Travis and drop off Dylan’s birthday present. Dylan was actually quite cheerful and bouncy while Aidan was low energy, go figure. Then we briefly went to the outlets and I got a nice red dress. Then I had to go back home for rehearsal.

I did go buy a booth that sold Hogwarts teas and it determined which house you'd be in by the following:

"Each of the Hogwarts houses is presented with a locked door:
Ravenclaw: Finds the key
Slytherin: picks the lock
Gryffindors: kick it down
Hufflepuff: Knock."

Mom is a Hufflepuff.

We only did act 3 tonight, which seemed a lot shorter after the whole run of the show on Sunday. There was discussion of props. Gail as the older Shirley is supposed to be a knitter, as is Mrs. Abramowitz in the script. I’ve talked to Alexis about getting her started with knitting, but Gail is all “I tried to learn, I wasn’t good at it, I’m going to be a “cool grandma” who doesn’t knit,” and I’m all “fine, whatever.” Well, today Anita told her she needs to at least fake that she’s knitting so she looks like she’s doing something onstage for an hour and a half. Hooooo boy. To which I was all “I’m on it, we’ll come up with something, I’ll go bring needles,” and then Scott is all “I can get stuff that looks old at the yarn shop.” Sigh. Well, I’ll dig up stuff just in case, get a scarf prestarted or something. I also talked to one of the kids about bringing in a light up globe or crystal ball for the fortune teller, because I guess we don’t have one of those. I wish I remembered her name, she’s pretty cool and also it’d be nice to go, “Kid’s name, did you find that globe?”

My scenes went quick as usual, other than getting told how to block in the dream sequence. We weren’t sure if Anita was fine with where we were delivering the song from (the back of the audience, then heading towards the stage) last time, but were told “very nice” for walking in from the back for the song today, so I guess she noticed it and is fine. I told them all before to follow what I call the Rule of Laure: do whatever until/unless the director notices and tells you to stop it! Bridget said, “I figure if we get away with it 3 times...”

Oh, and now we don’t actually get an intermission to rest, we all have to sing some song now. What? Not dealing with that until Wednesday though.

Mostly I just hung out in the green room, writing down funny shit.

William continues to be entertaining, but I saw him spitting outside and was all “Ugh, too much like the guys where I’m from with that.” Maybe rethinking this date idea.

“My brother and I used to wear heels around the house. My mother was so proud.” -William

Germaine’s history lecture of the day was that Puritans do not celebrate Christmas for various reasons, including, as Dona put it, “Fun was out.” Germaine then followed up that instead there was “a whole lot of lovemaking because they had a lot of children.”

Cameron left her stuff in the corner and when she was briefly around, Robert and I made jokes about guarding it.
“We will guard it with our lives.” -me
“Because the secrets of the universe are in here.” -Cameron
I forget what Robert said after that, but Cameron followed up with “Jennifer has raised the bar around here.”
“Fine, my immortal soul.” -Robert

William and I backstage with Abner:
“Are you the bearded lady?” -Abner to me.
“No, that’s him.” I point to William.
“Are you going to grow a beard?” -Abner to me.
“I’ll work on it.” -me

(Disclaimer: I'm posting this a few days after I wrote it and now that remark is even funnier....see 11/14.)

“I got water all over me. Can’t take me anywhere.” -William

After Dona told a story about her relatives getting married a month before their kid was born: “You have a scandalous family there, Dona.” -William

I found out that the improv funeral William went to was fun, but it was for a guy who was always advertising classes on the SARTA mailing list and then I never went. Damn, that guy died? Fast, I guess.

William said that when they were in the tractor parade last year when they were doing “It’s A Wonderful Life,” he was playing Bert the cop. “I ended up having some issues with the police. I was dressed as a cop. I have a warrant out from the tractor parade....” I gather there was some confusion with his costume and later found out about the warrant, then he called and was told it was okay, then he was told, “you have to be arrested...” Huh?

“I’m inclined to say, let the child impregnate herself.” -me on the eternal debate as to who reaches up Mary’s dress to stuff a pillow up it. Yes, she gets pregnant onstage and it's in the script to be that ridiculous.

“Hey Mom, I’m 26 years old now and all I ate today was candy.” -William on adulthood a few years ago. He also talked about wanting to eat chips and candy for dinner as a kid and not being allowed to, but then once you grow up, that’s all you can afford to eat. “It happened when you were an adult, but not what you expected. Life is weird.”

Jackie sent me a link about a wedding ring display that looked suspiciously like a penis. Since there were no children in the room at the time, I showed it to all.

“All of these kids who said “asses” are on the naughty list.” -Robert

“I think I broke my leg.” -Abner
“These things happen.” -William

Drew to the kids: “Just remember, when you come off, you can’t be giggling.”

“We have a free small child.” -Cameron

While Scott and Robert are discussing theater shows, including “Young Frankenstein” and “nice knockers,” after the kids returned: “I wasn’t expecting “nice knockers” around a bunch of kids, btw.” me

“Coney Island: Is it a beach?” -Anita
“It’s an island....” -Robert

“Kenneth needs to pay attention instead of goofing off backstage.” -Drew
Entire cast: “OOOOOOOOOOH.”
Drew then goes on to say that the little kids are fine, it’s the bigger ones that are screwing off.
William: “You’re mean.”

When discussing getting a stepladder: “There’s a little one but Gary says they call it the Widowmaker....” -Bridget

Mr. Hilton basically has to stick an angel/kid on a ladder. “You’ll be standing right next to the ladder, right, so she won’t fall?” -Anita to Scott
“That is ALL ON YOU.” -me

On the announcement about an intermission song: “Oh no, not another song.” -Bridget.

Scott continues to follow Cameron around, and between that and him and Robert going on about Hamilton, seriously, I feel like I have about had enough of this of late. If something doesn't change within the next few weeks, I won't be seeing much of him in the future. I'll go on vacation at the end of next month, and then I doubt I'll have any opportunity to be in another play again until they do the dinner theater show in spring (ain't no way anyone casts me in The Miracle Worker). It will probably be good to take some time apart and move on from this stupidity of mine. He wants to pine over her, fine, can't make him get over pointless crushing (or more specifically, his priorities and how I am #3 behind his ex and Cameron). But after a certain point, I can at least avoid being around to watch it for awhile.

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