Saturday:

I spent all day in Sacramento doing the following:

* Craft fair/fashion show. I’ve gone to this one most of the time it’s run--I think I missed last year or something--but this craft fair does a fashion show before they kick off. My favorite item was a mermaid costume.

However. I must discuss that the elderly lady who was reading off the index cards with the description of the garments was...having a terrible time doing this. We were told that she’s been doing this for years and does it every year (which yeah, I recall) but hoo boy, was this year a bad year.

* She seemed to be having problems reading the cards at all and said next year she should really type these out. That is why I never hand write index cards, darlin’.
* She’s been doing this for years but can’t pronounce frequently used words in textile design, like jacquard, or peyote, or Adirondack. To quote her on jacquard, “I hate that word! I’m just going to say that word!” I couldn’t help but think things like “Maybe practice beforehand?” and “Write out the pronunciation?”
* The lady’s two daughters were also in the show and every time one of them came out (repeatedly, as they were modeling jewelry), she’d be all, “There’s one daughter.” One of the daughters seemed to find this a bit annoying and she’d be holding up two fingers to indicate that there are only two of them. Later that daughter would call out, “Here’s daughter number twelve! Here’s daughter number fifteen!” This got the mom to stop saying it.
* At one point one of her daughters was wearing a piece of hers, which she did not recognize.
* During the show she said things like, “I’m quitting this job! I’m leaving right now!” and “I sure messed that one up!”

Also, at one point some really noisy truck started taking out the trash during the show. So that went well!

* I went to two bookstores. I bought Mom Sally Field’s autobiography for Christmas (my mom is basically the blonde, blue-eyed version of Sally Field, she loves her) and now I feel like I’m obligated to read it because Mom may want the book but will probably never read it so if I had to pay money to get her a gift, at least it got used by someone.. I also bought a book for myself, which it turned out I already owned a copy of. I feel dumb there but I think I'll just give it to Meg next time I see her, she should like the idea behind it. I then went to the best used bookstore in Sac, on sale day, and didn’t find anything. So far reading the Sally Field book is incredibly depressing and all about her abusive stepfather. Whee.

* Improv class: I loved this one and wish I could hang with this instructor more. (Maybe someday if she also does storytelling? "I'll see you on the circuit.")
This was a workshop about how to develop your scenes and characters, essentially by taking some time to think out how you'd be reacting in a scene before you just start spouting stuff because you're supposed to be spouting stuff. it's how to find things that are happening without getting stuck in your head. If you play like that, you don't have to think so hard. Tap into what the other person said, what does it mean, how do you feel about it, and you then feel that and response. It was about making everything in it matter and not be total nonsense, and how to deal if someone gets nonsensical. Don't be afraid in the scene or else the audience will be afraid for you--they want you to succeed and the only way to fail is to be hesitating and not trying.

I really liked it. Would do again ;)

* Art critique show: I haven’t been by the Comedy Spot (any of its buildings) in quite a while. But they had a show I was interested in seeing and since my class ran until 5 and then this show was from 6-7:30, I figured what the hell, I’d go see it since I’m already here and don’t have to schlep.

It was...interesting. Two dudes from SF drove all the way out here with five paintings picked up in various thrift stores, and they brought along three other standup comedians. Everybody had a go ripping on the artworks, and then at the end of the show they auctioned them off. I’m surprised any wanted them at all, but the worst one went for $5 and the most expensive went for...$22, I think.

For the record, the artwork was:
(a) A portrait of a raccoon, done in sand, and sadly the artist put her entire name and address (local) on the back. Many references to trash pandas happened.
(b) A very glittery dark pumpkin.
(c) “She Guevara.” The name describes it all.
(d) A nice painting of a black silhouette of two birds on a branch with a plain blue background (really, not that offensive).
(e) A horrifying painting of a very creepy preppy white guy who looked like an 80’s serial killer.
They also raffled off a fabric “painting” of a pink pig.

I did laugh a lot, but at the same time kept thinking “Yeah, I’m not so much into standup when they’re just kind of fumbling through,” which a few guys sort of did. My favorite comic was the lone woman (also a PoC) who was wearing a sweatshirt that said VOGUE and then had a very nice cartoon drawing of the Golden Girls. One of the hosts caught me knitting and razzed on me (and to be fair, everyone else--15 people-- for showing up for a 6 p.m. show, having had dinner at 4 and going to bed at 8) for it, but not in any way that bothered me. I was mildly amused. “How far’s the scarf going?” I dunno if this show was worth $20, but if they schlepped from SF, I guess.

The sad thing is they’re almost right--I woke up before 5 a.m. again ON A GODDAMNED SATURDAY AND COULD NOT GET BACK TO SLEEP I HATE MY BODY FOR REFUSING TO SLEEP ANY MORE and am seriously considering going to bed at 9 right now because I guess I have to if I wake up at 5 being Too Hot and once I take anything off, I’m Too Cold because the cold snap has hit. Feh.

Sunday:

On Sunday, I took a long walk around the arboretum, went to the library, and eventually forced myself to sift through the job listing piles, sorting by “sounds good but I haven’t done it before so I don’t really qualify,” “I have most of this but am missing a few things so I probably wouldn’t get the job” and “could generally do this but am not psyched about applying for,” such as seeing a job I qualified for but it’s in Fresno or Salinas or Weed.

I still have no interest in applying for any of that shit. I know I need to, I know I have to, I know my current job is going to get even more miserable and I can’t whine and be picky.

As for the evening, Jamie came over and I showed her “The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell,” and then we watched a few episodes of “The Great British Baking Show,” which I am now thinking “Making It” clearly ripped off the style of. I don’t do cooking but Jamie explained a bunch of stuff, so that helped.

Monday:

I really didn’t do much besides walk around town for hours while reading some book on career development as an artist. I won’t bother to say the title because I suspect they’re all saying the same thing. This one was talking about having a vision of what you want as some kind of beacon to indicate where you want to go in life, and then keep an eye out for opportunities. It talks about the void and how eventually somewhere in between letting go and the void, something else will come along, but I...can't deal with that idea.

It says that it's uncomfortable to live a non-creative work life if that's what you're meant to do...but then guess what, seems to go into "entrepreneur!" territory. What if I don't WANT to run my own business? What if being an entrepreneur is really stressful and sucks and I suck at math?

It also pointed out that by yourself the suck train parade is going through your head and you feel better when others are saying nice things and being supportive, and your family probably won't do that. (Mom on the phone Sunday: "You'll do everything in your power to find a job there, right?!?!" "Sorry Mom, Jamie's here, gotta go!")

I made lists of what I want, ranging from most realistic/less change to...???

1. Basically continue to do my job but without any phones/front counter, get some quiet, work with nice people and be reasonably paid. That's asking for a fucking fairy tale of impossibility, eh?

2. Some other clerical job at my company that doesn't involve phones/front counter/first point of contact, which again seems impossible now.

3. Same as #2 but located somewhere else.

4. Technical writing/some kind of other writing job where I am paid reasonably well and am not likely to be laid off, or at least something not so soul-demanding that lets me use my skills.

5. Win the lottery, hah.

6. The dream lifestyle of performing and somehow making money enough to live off that. The real fairytale.

I just can't deal with this whole thing.

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