A Box Of Dicks
2019-11-12, 6:00 p.m.
recently on Chaos Attraction
Quotes from today’s work meeting:
“We’re going to have an earthquake drill and take selfies beneath the desks.” -2nd in Command talking about her last employer, who actually wanted desk selfies.
“Can we just have a little bit of a mundane day?” -Lioness
“We’re like the garbage disposal of the business.” -someone else
The credit card machine is broken forever and it would take three weeks at minimum to get another one and would have to get another phone and machine and software and...for fuck’s sake.
Today’s therapy call:
“Well, you are a crazy person, so what’s the big deal? Join the crowd. I am too. I am totally a crazy person.” That’s my therapist! I only wish this was over text so I could have screenshotted that quote to go with the "you're not crazy" screenshot I already have.
Seriously, I see hearts all over the damn place now and the 11:11 (or 1:11) thing keeps going and I am all, “I am going whackadoodle.” I can't even keep up with 'em all, I will have to check my phone.
Karaoke: I came in first and Frank was ah, very happy to see me and was trying to get me to sit at his table. Then I saw Robert and Sarajean and said “oh, I said I’d go sit with my friends.” Sorry, Frank. He did have me do a duet with him later on a song he claimed I knew (everyone knows “Glory Days” by Bruce Springsteen but me, apparently) but eh, I winged it, whatever. Also after I did a number, Frank said “we oughta bottle you up and sell you” and Matthew responded, “That’s illegal in this state, Frank.” I fear I have Done Something to Frank that someday may become slightly awkward. Sigh. Man, I hate when that happens. Also, once again: why don't I go for someone who clearly would go for me? I hate me for not doing that.
Scott and Sarah came in around nine. And once again, Sarah has gone back to being a redhead! Thank gawd. As she put it, there’s original her, and then there’s Special Edition. Yessssss. Also, so much simpler.
I decided to show everyone a bunch of dicks. By which I mean (a) the naughty jewelry display from the other day and then (b) I showed them all a photo of an art exhibit I saw the other day that was essentially a box of dicks in the shape of a vagina (the artist is transgender and ah, doesn’t like being told to get surgery down south, apparently), a fact that I did not notice really in the moment, but Sarah pointed it out. “Vagina box of dicks is very precious, but still a box of dicks.”
On a related note of photography, Matthew showed us a photo of a relative (grandfather?) holding.... “I think it’s a kitty or a cigarette.” I find it concerning that you can’t tell... I also talked to him about a custom ski mask and had him pick out a pattern (he wants a Spider Man look), and then Robert drew his own ideas of what the thing should look like. We also found out via secret group text that Matthew loathes “I Will Always Love You” when someone was singing it, but was very polite about it.
Sarah did some songs with a shaking theme, saying, “Functional trauma is hard to get rid of. I will have to sing a lot of songs about shaking.” There was "Shake It Off" and I forget the other one.
I did “Curiosity” by Carly Rae, a song that I can’t figure out as to what the heck is going on with it, followed by Sister Hazel’s “All For You” and Tracy Chapman’s “Give Me One Reason.” A new lady told me....I’m not sure what at the start, but “don’t let anyone tell you different,” and Sarah said, “You can outshine anyone.” Awwwww.
There was also an interesting moment when Scott brought up his ex being a ceramicist and Robert said something like, “We hear so much about your ex, but I can’t picture her. Do you have a picture?” I figured Scott was immediately going to pull up a bunch of them or her Facebook profile in two seconds, but instead he told a story about how she showed him some skull she had in the house (apparently she likes skulls) to see if it would scare him off. “It would take a lot to freak me out,” he said. To which I thought, “Hmmmmmmm, (a) that’s both good to know and (b) now I also wonder if I’m weird enough to freak him out, what with the witchiness and synchronicity shit and all.” I GUESS WE SHALL SEE.
I say this because now that Cameron’s not around tonight...well, maybe whatever freakout he most likely had after you-know-what-I-did has by now went away, because he was being friendly to me again, slightly touching (which I notice he doesn't do with anyone else, even Cameron) sitting next to me, etc. So yay for that. I assume tomorrow’s gonna be back to the normal following her around again behavior (sigh), but I’ll enjoy this while it’s going on.
As for any prediction about something going on on the 12th, nothing major went on, I guess? That I know about?