Chaos Attraction

A Real Turkey Would Terrorize The Cast

2019-11-13, 6:09 p.m.

I had a SUPER interesting conversation with Hannah today about how basically, she’s magical because she says if she wants something (parking, to get back together with a boyfriend, to get into Berkeley), she will get it, even if it’s not good for her in the end (like say, the boyfriend and Berkeley). She said she wanted the current call center position that she just got shifted into now that Luis has left, and got it (though given that she’s now the most experienced temp, that was likely anyway). She wants to get hired here permanently whenever the hell that happens again. I am so rooting for her. (And Luis, if he wants to come back, but now I am rooting for him to go to Apple more, because Apple.)

This made me think, “Yes, you are of our ilk,” and I need to finish writing my review of Toil and Trouble and then loan it to her, because clearly she is One Of Us. No wonder she and I hit it off so well.

Disclaimer before we begin: I am playing Santa for Robert tomorrow at rehearsal while he’s off at Hamilton.

5:45 p.m. Just got off the phone with Robert. Approximate recounting of this phone call:
“When are you going to rehearsal tonight?”
”Around 6:45. Why, do you need something? I could leave earlier, I’m just stuffing face right now.”
”No, that’s okay, I’m not going tonight anyway.I’m going to leave you a special early stocking stuffer for you to wear while you play Santa. I’ll leave it with Scott or Cameron, whoever’s around. You’ll know what to do with it when you open it up. But don’t open it until you get home or away from the kids.”
“Is it a fake penis?”
“No, there’s children!”
“After yesterday, I had to ask.”

So yeah, THIS SHOULD BE INTERESTING, whatever it is.

Rehearsal: Anita sent out an email saying to have rehearsal moved up by 15 minutes for song rehearsal. I was the only one who showed up early, though a few folks did show by 7:15. She was all, “the email got sent out, right?” and I was all “yeah, this is reminding me of when I say I’m going to start teaching a class on time and then only one person shows up so you’re stuck waiting.” She also asked me if I know anyone with a million dollars to donate to the theater company, which I deduced from conversation later that The Powers That Be are Being Difficult with us and it’s a New Regime that does not like theater.

Anita got some comments from people complaining about the age difference between Mr. A (Trent, probably at least in his fifties, white hair/beard) and Mrs. A (Alexis, age 19). This did not seem like a big deal to Anita, apparently, but Alexis is going to have to have some old age makeup and gray hair. She tried a bit of the old age face lining and it was very odd, I was looking at her in the scene at the shop and thinking, “Why does she have a bit of black eyes going on?” Trent was, I guess, told to dye his hair/beard (he refused to shave). So he is now a lot blonder. I think it looks nice, actually, albeit not real Jewishy, but...

“How does it look?”
“I’ll take it ...”
“I’m processing... I want to see it up close.”
“I don’t think it’s going to look any better....” -Trent and Anita on his hair

Trent also commented that he was trying to play older onstage and now he’s being told to look younger. “You gotta suspend disbelief when you’re in the theater.”

After reading “The Courtship of Miles Standish,” I said to Germaine that she didn’t mention that people though Miles was dead for a while and she said she didn’t want to upset the kids. She also told me to read Hiawatha and Evangeline.

Abner has a new (fake, I presume) tattoo, I told his mother “I like that he has a 1930’s tattoo.”

Me, while watching Mrs. Kornblum bitch about the fish smell again: “Once again, lady, that’s what fish do. That’s why we keep them under the ocean, where you can’t smell them.”

Germaine on the Pilgrims: “They didn’t bathe anyway.” and “Queen Elizabeth took 2 baths a year, whether she needed it or not.”

“You’re the biggest ham here.” -William
“You got that right.” -Germaine

We found out that Germaine was a Citizen of the Year in 1986 and now the former Citizens get to pick the next one, whoever that is. “Before people here were born.”

Dona remembers what William’s birthday is better than he does.

“I need someone to volunteer to have this room cleaned out.” -Jesse
“I volunteer Scott.” -William

We were told that The Powers That Be are claiming that we were stealing cans from the food drive. “I don’t think kids know how to open these,” William said.

Me on Shirley playing a turkey: “If she was a real turkey, she’d be terrorizing the cast.”

“Oh, he’s hiding a dead body.” -Dona, I have no recollection of context.

Me on Mrs. A: “Really, isn’t she the drama queen in this play?”

Scott at one point was reading lines as Vincent Price.

We found out that the intermission song is only for the kids, who have to sing “Bring A Torch, Jeanette, Isabella,” WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT IS.

One of the boys got himself a mushroom haircut (shaved sides, I hate those haircuts), which I thought was a terrible idea to do a week before a 1930’s play. Scott said it was actually historically accurate. I have no idea.

Anita wants Gail and Mrs. A to essentially “look busy” while sitting on stage. It’s in the script but both characters knit, but both actresses do not, so...awkward. I said I’d give them brief knitting/crochet lessons so they can just go back and forth on stage if necessary tomorrow.

Scott passed me the gift, which was in a grocery bag and seemed small. He was told not to peek at it. I said “wanna go open it by my car after rehearsal is over?” Yup.

Cameron was not there again. According to Scott, she’s had a migraine since Sunday/Monday, it was bad enough on Tuesday to have to go to the doctor about it, and she was taking tonight off from rehearsal. So I got to do Miss Glace again and was surprised that we ended up doing acts 1 and 2 all at once (no act 3 kissing), so that was more work than I thought. Miss Glace has about one line and otherwise stands around during the first section, but as mentioned before, the second section that I’m not in is my favorite because that’s where the plot is, even though I do enjoy the pageant shenanigans of acts 1 and 3. Even though I was fairly distracted by having to look up “my” lines while everyone else was doing them, and having to be told the blocking again (apparently Mr. Hilton and Miss Glace get closer and closer behind Shirley’s back during conversation, both very cozy and seems a bit smushy to Shirley), this went better, or at least no crashing was involved.

I have to say that my version of Miss Glace this time around was a lot....gigglier. Well, there’s a different character interpretation right there, I suppose. I don’t think of her as a giggler, but god knows if I was doing it tonight, I was doing that. It also occurred to me, having now read more of the show than when I had previously done this scene, that when stuff about Judaism comes up (Shirley saying “a shanda for the goyim”, what “ferkokta” means), Miss Glace actually knows what is being said, so I reacted accordingly. Shocked at the shanda, amused at “ferkokta.”

And, well, not gonna lie, I enjoyed the onstage eye gazing/flirting thing going on with Scott onstage. That’s far more.... public than usual for that behavior from us. And well, let’s just say he was touching me backstage more than usual (moving me away from a charging stage manager, leaning on something together, hugging after the last scene). It was very cute and affectionate. He and I were last to leave and hung around talking by my car for a bit, mostly talking about how he wants to do more costume shopping (no, I won’t be coming along, sigh). I managed to restrain myself from inadvertent chest kissing this time, but I bet he wondered if I was going to go off again. So I felt better.

Some days I think, someday this is definitely going to happen. Other days... I’m a fucking yo-yo. I miss the honest days of polyamory.

As for Robert’s present, we waited for everyone else to leave and then opened it and...It’s a rainbow beard! Which looks suspiciously like my rainbow wig, no less. So now I really have to do something spectacular for this....

I went home, dug out my rainbow clown pants (basically they are clown pants, even I think they are too ridiculous to wear in public and that had not quite occurred to me when I bought ‘em), a rainbow stripey sweater as a “coat,” stuffed the pants with stuffing, put on my rainbow wig and rainbow beard and my blingiest red disco Santa hat, took photos, and THIS IS GONNA BE LUDICROUS. Sadly, I sent texts to friends and got no responses that night (teases about what I was going to do to the guys, straight on pictures to Sarah), but this is gonna be good.

I also spent a lot of time emailing the props committee trying to make a list of items that aren’t on the list in the script but come up in the play, like a crystal ball. I ended up just ordering my own since they don’t sell them anywhere in this area.

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