Chaos Attraction

Random Celebrity Babies

2019-11-15, 6:26 p.m.

I feel sad on days without a play. William said last night he used to do six shows a year, right after each other/overlapping with each other and I so wish I could do that. But as he pointed out, he’s a guy in theater and they’re wanted. Though I did hear from Bridget saying she was going to be out on Sunday and could I do her role too?

Today was Another Day at work.

(a) I joined the holiday party planning committee, except BigBoss will not let us call it a party (it’s “Advance Day”), we have to sit through some health lecture and can’t have party activities. Whaaaat?

The meeting did provide some amusing quotes though:

After someone remarked on how people loved the year with the flying monkey: “I’ll look for something flying for you.”
After the chick who runs the Stealing Game said she might be late to the day: “You have to have a backup person. Someone crazier than you.” (Is it tactful that nobody looked at me?)
A baby picture guessing game was suggested. “Can you throw in random babies to throw people off? Like celebrity babies?” Also, “the Internet’s full of random babies, and “We’l have nothing but Brad Pitt babies now.”

And also: “I’m going to turn in a fetus.”
“I said 1 to 5.”
“She didn’t say days or months.”

There was also commentary on how (a) god forbid we have any plastic utensils or paper plates, vs. (b) nobody actually wants to haul a plate and their own silverware (especially dirty) to another building and back, and (c) how we all don’t remember there’s some kitchen somewhere in the building because it’s not on our floor and it’s basically where nobody goes, so we clog up the bathroom on our floor instead, and (d) now we have vegans and it doesn’t look like any of these catered menus have anything vegan on them.

The girl who gave the sustainability talk at the last Advance Day said she got lectured by the BigBoss (“you just gave a lecture on this”) after she got caught with a plastic fork. Her response was “The plastic was made already. I’m not going to waste it.”

(b) I had a vague psychic feeling to go in an area I don’t normally go walkabout by. I figured this was to find more signs or hearts or whatever, but instead I found a girl’s debit card. I found her phone number (advantage of my job: most of the time I can find you if you lost your credit card here, done this several times) and she was all, “Yeah, I dropped it, I’m home now and can’t get it, can I get it on Monday?” Sure, fine, but she was bizarrely calm about this and when I’ve lost mine I’ve been about shitting myself in fear. Strange child here.

(c) So on the data entry aspect of my job, there have been 800+ documents sent in to me, which I can’t get anyone else to help me do. I started getting a lot of questions from the Shark Tank boss and my new boss about these today: Is there some deadline they have to be done by? No, we just do ‘em when we can as they come in year round. How quickly do you do them? If they’re short, every few minutes. I got asked to say how many I can do, so I decided to time myself for an hour.

I can get ten done every 15 minutes, so I got 40 done, BUT I also had to ignore seven emails, a human being asking me a question (which I am NOT supposed to be doing), another coworker wanting me to do her work for her, finding six of them that had problems I was going to have to contact the other office to fix or ones that would take too long to do, and just having to pee. While I was doing those 40, another 12 came in. Now you know why I can only get so much done at any point in time, I said.

And after THAT, I found out that the other office that sends us the documents sent out a comm saying that they’d be done with the documents on November 30....which made it sound like I, personally, had to be done with 800+ (plus the next several hundred they will be doing) by November 30. BULLFUCKINGSHIT THAT CANNOT BE DONE. I am one person doing it part time and they have 16 of them doing it full time. FUCKING FUCK WHERE IS MY ALCOHOL. (Answer: I’m home now, drinking it!)

I at least got the queue down to below 800 before I left, so there's that, I guess.

Though on the good news side, I did get New Interim Boss to send out a comm for me that I needed to get sent weeks ago, but was prevented from doing because I got 2nd in Command to come up with a revised one and then I guess she never put it in the approval queue. And then BigBoss decided she wanted it revised even more (sigh). Oh well, the darned thing is out now and hopefully it means I have less mail drama than usual. So there’s that.

I also heard from Randall, who hadn’t heard from Mom in a while (that’s...fishy, woman loves to talk). I said she seems occupied with her boyfriend and he said she’s happy and “going as well as a Hallmark movie.” Adorable.

I’m taking the rest of the night off to detox and drink.

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