Long Lost Friend Day
2020-11-17, 9:40 p.m.
recently on Chaos Attraction
Work still makes me grumpy. What else is there to say.
Happily, today turned out to be kinda a long-lost friend day?
I heard from Ana (from TnT) regarding Greg/Nunzio's birthday cards. She sent out a thank you and "he put them on display in the club for all the customers to see (with the exception of Mrs V who sent her card a little late). Nunzio might send thank you notes but don't hold your breath. Listen Mrs. V, a birthday ain't over until you get the last card and because he was waitin on yours we basically spent the better part of two weeks celebrating his big life. Better late than never." This reminds me of Reggie celebrating 8 Days Of Reggie for his birthday.
Speaking of, it's Merry's birthday, so I texted her. Her husband worked in theater management and managed to land a job at Intel just as the layoffs were starting, so he lucked out. They have since moved to a house outside of Portland for his job, she mostly works from home and only has to go into the office every few weeks.
I talked to Meg after work, as she is now back from Boston and her daughter has recovered enough to go back to work. We talked about Ask vs. Guess Culture and she said she also came from a family where asking was an issue. She said she used to ask guys out all the time when she didn't really care, but once she was married, she'd ask if there were any good movies out when she really wanted to just go out on a date with her husband and wouldn't say it. If you want something, ask for it, she said, but I'm afraid of things blowing up if I do (god knows my parents blew up over well, anything).
She said I am going to grow out of my wounded child. God, let's hope.
She said to just relax about Scott and not worry about it and let go of not trusting that it's not going to last. (Also, "he might not even notice that he's not responding," which, good point, and other comments about maybe not having skills under the circumstances.) This is where it occurred to me what bothers me: I said to her that I've been surprised as to which friends stick around and which ones don't, and ones I wouldn't have expected to vs. who did.
Common traits of who did are: (1) We spent enough time hanging out to build the relationship enough for it to go outside of a circumstantial friendship situation. (2) Managed to make it to being friends past two years, even through life changes if that happened, i.e. usually moving frequently kills it if....see below. (3) Are reasonably online or at least willing to communicate via email/text semi-frequently or at least a few times a year. (4) Basically, that the friendship went outside the bounds of the activity I met them through doing AND went online.
Some people have gone from frequent contact to a few times a year contact after moving (Jess and Merry for example), but at least they do return a few times a year. Others are online enough that even if we drift off for a month or two (example: Meg obviously being quite occupied in Boston lately) I know they will come back. I actually have a fair amount of confidence that Shanna and Kelly will last even if we've never met IRL because they are very online on a fairly frequent basis. We'll see with Eva, but I have pretty high hopes there if we keep on scheduling lunches every few weeks.
But....with my theater friends? With no theater/karaoke/in person going on and no group texting? RUH-ROH. All of them are in Bad Sign Territory for me, right there.
This is why I am freaked the heck out about losing the theater people: none of them have made it to two years and those friendships aren't all that online-ish. They haven't gone very online since pandemic, and I freak the shit out when people aren't very email-y or text-y because I know they're not likely to last. Yeah, yeah, I know, FACEBOOK because everyone does FACEBOOK and all of them do FACEBOOK, but that doesn't necessarily even mean that people are talking there. (Apparently Scott just doesn't at all, for example. I guess for him Facebook is just there for the Star Trek memes.) And well, I just don't like it or wanna participate in it or keep on reading it. Too much drama there, especially these days.
I feel this way too much.