I feel so bad for Jackie: she goes on vacation for a few days, leaves her grandmother in the care of her aunt, and her grandmother nearly ended up dead of diabetic coma and she has to fly back immediately. Gawd. How awful.

Quotes from today’s work meeting in which we were told to come up with random facts about ourselves:

“I can tongue pop really loud.”
“I have a genetic mutation on my face.” (It’s double eyelashes. You can’t tell.)
After a discussion about parallel parking and how people are judgey about you doing it and my mentioning the Mythbusters episode about it: “Don’t let the Mythbusters judge you,” followed by “I let the Mythbusters judge me.”
“I’m the firefighter that’s constantly putting out fires.”
On someone’s rabbit: “She just kinda hung around the house....We had over 100 (rabbits) at one point.”

In other news, my mother called me up today to, among other things, go on about the educational things she learned on the Kelly Clarkson Show. Such as, you can use the cotton in a diaper to start a fire! So you should keep a diaper in your car, she said to me. To which I said, if I ever want to start a fire, I will get an actual lighter. (And then probably not be able to light it because I suck at fire.) “Do you have a lighter in your car?” she said. “No,” I said, “because I don’t wanna start a fire.” (Note: fire watch is on again starting tomorrow/Wednesday, so you know what’s going on there....though so far they aren’t indicating that they’ll hit the theater yet.) She also shared that you can turn a credit card into a knife by scraping it on the sidewalk. If I feel really bored I might try this, but it sounds pretty stupid.

I don’t like it when my mom has a day off from work, y’all. I can’t take it if she ever retires. And she’s 69 so god knows it may be forced upon her whether anyone likes it or not.

In other news, I have gotten an update at Ancestry DNA, which has gone from the following:

59% Great Britain and Northwestern Europe to 53% England, Wales and Northwestern Europe
20% Germany to 40% Germanic Europe
14% France to ... no France
4% Norway to 5% Sweden
3% Other Regions (Russia) to 2% Ireland and Scotland.

I know they explain how they do this shit, but it still doesn’t make sense.

I found ONE distant cousin with my last name. I guess the menfolk are not 100% dead after all. I am also related to Joshua Jackson (probably not *that* one), and... hahahah, MOM’S BOYFRIEND ROGER. Okay, so it’s a common first and common last and probably not him and I doubt he’s on AncestryDNA, but still, HAHAHAHAHA SENDING THIS TO MOM FOR LULZ.

Rehearsal:

Quotes:

Germaine about one of the kids: “He’s totally disaffected with his hat.”

Jesse, first grade teacher: “You can’t do recess in here. This is not recess.”

Eliza, Abner’s mom, on his stage behavior: “He picked his wedgie, with his back to the audience.”
Me: “Definitely tell him to do that every time.”

On the “seek a better life” line: “Hear that, Mr. Trump?” -Germaine
“Donald Trump lied? Noooooooo.” -William.

Robert: “It’s like herding kittens.”

William during a story he’s telling: “I was trying to do damage control to a waitress that I’ll probably never see again.”

“Literally DRESS rehearsal for you.” -Robert to William.

Mark sat on Jayden.

William filled in singing for Robert on Thursday’s rehearsal and reported back that Trent’s commentary on this was “That bearded lady sucked!”

“I’m telling my mom on you! Actually, you know my mom.” -William
“She’d be on my side.” -Dona

“Don’t lose them pants, Santa.” -me handing Robert his belt

Anita still wants the hawkers to be louder.
“Should I be doing bloody murder screaming?” -me
“Without the bloody murder.” -Anita

“Movies make everything better.” -Anita on Little Shirley and Evie fighting and then going to the movies.
“Why, because you’re shutting up for two hours?” -me

“We need more grumpy men. Not in real life, in the show.” -Anita

I like tech week, but last time’s was ruined by you-know-who, saying you know what. This time, well, I don’t want to throw a giant shit fit and do anything myself, but I am beyond tired of this. Why am I here? Nobody needed me in this play, I did not have to be in it (and presumably could have gotten into the other theater doing the same show!), I like it but essentially I am just doing it to be around him and lord knows I don’t want to do that any more. I thought we could get closer if I had more time with him, but CLEARLY NOT EXACTLY GOING ON NOW, IS IT. Being in plays, I guess, is not working on this level, because you-know-who is around and there he goes again.

Seriously, he just follows her around all the time and people actually think they are a couple for real and comment on their chemistry and you know what? Fuck this, I’m out. I’m tired of it. I seriously wonder if they’ve ever had a conversation (well, one sided monologue really) and I know he doesn’t ask anyone out, but have they ever discussed actually dating and getting that over with? Not that I’d say do it right now, mind you, but I wonder. If she reciprocated, fine, I'm happy for them and will GTFO, but as far as I can tell it's one sided and she just isn't feeling it for anyone. As someone who used to never, ever, ever feel it for anyone, I know what that looks like. I do not advise waiting around on a girl like that, like I used to be. Just...it doesn't work, you know? And yeah, I think it sucks when he'd rather pine for someone who isn't feeling it than well, see where it goes with me.

On a fun related note, this week is officially Time To Rehearse The Kiss. Not that the attack kiss in this one is particularly impressive compared to the 10 seconds (yes, by god, he counted) they did during TnT back in the day, but I guess Cameron forgot, ate dairy, then forgot all the dental hygiene stuff in order to deal with that.

"How are you lovebirds doing this evening?" -Gail
"I'm trying not to kill him." -Cameron

"Scott and I are going to do kissing tonight and I'm going to try not to kill him. We have nine shows to get through. Plus he's nice." -Cameron.

"Killed him with a kiss. You're like a Bond villain at that point." -Cameron

So I’m somewhat hearing all of this discussion and thinking, is this ever going to be relevant to my life? No, all of my agita is pointless and stupid because I am the consolation prize. Look, business is business there, but odds are he's ah, into that and...yeah.

Seriously, this is ridiculous on my part and I feel like I need to GTFO of the situation. He likes her better than me, I can't blame him (who doesn't, really, even platonically? She is awesome and gorgeous and good at what she does and all that jazz), why keep hoping that he'll eventually go for someone who would be feeling it? It's stupid. Let them have each other, on whatever not exactly satisfying level that would be at, and I should go.

On the way home, I stopped to get gas, still all irritated as fuck and swearing that after the cast party, that’s it, I’m out of here. When I got out of the car, I found a heart shaped clothing tag on the ground.

MOTHERFUCKER.

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