Chaos Attraction

Smoke Day 4

2018-11-19, 9:17 p.m.

Title comes from here.

Well, the smoke finally got to my lungs today--it seems to have about gone away by now but at the time I was beating myself out for going outside for two days and I was coughing in weird ways. Whee. Let's hope this doesn't continue.

I forced myself to job hunt today (thanks, Pomodoro Technique!) and I continue to not actually want any of the damn jobs I see. I plowed through a ton of listings I generally don't qualify for and mostly don't want and...god, ugh, I don't WANT TO. My soul is screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO to all of this and it's really not helping. I want my soul to shut up and be practical and cram it and just settle already. It's not like I have any ability to do anything else or qualify for anything else. Seriously, the more I read job descriptions, the more inadequate I feel in the world and the more I feel like I can't do anything. The vicious cycle.

I went to knitting group today and followed up with the lady who illustrates conversations (previously mentioned here.). Not sure on what the price would be--she told me her regular but she might be willing to do a discount--but we did talk about how everyone has all kinds of thoughts going around in their heads and it might help to have a map of it all. She also said she was working a woman's 40th birthday party (good idea) and said that when she was in the same situation she read What Color Is Your Parachute? I think I read that a long-ass time ago, but will look at the library.

Also, another woman at knitting group claim to be dating a duck named Tim. She showed us pictures--it's a white duck in the pond by her apartment--and said that when she told someone she was dating a duck, that woman responded by saying, "I'm dating a chicken." Remembering that for future reference.

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