Chaos Attraction

Coney Island Christmas Night 1: Now I Have A Bow And Arrow

2019-11-22, 6:23 p.m.

First night of show:

“I have to feel like a man somehow.” -William comes in nicely dressed in a button down shirt, slacks, and tie....and baseball cap.

“I’m supposed to have a knife stuck in my belly.” -Abner, I have no idea why he said this.
“You’re supposed to have a halo.” -Jackelyn, ditto.

Abner later found a coat hanger and declared, “Now i have a bow and arrow.”

While Robert and Bridget and I were rehearsing, Jayden conducted us. Very cute.
“I’m so nervous about the song.” -Bridget
Me: “Don’t worry about it, it’s a 30 second song and then we move on with life. And if we break their eardrums, well, they’ll live. Without sound, mind you, but they’ll live...”

“How do you say Happy Hanukkah in Spanish? If I don’t know how, can I say Feliz Navidad?” -Jayden

“They’re loose from the pen!” -Robert
“I knew we should have chipped them!” -Cameron
(I assume this was about children....?)

“Everyone calls me Richard or Michael.” -Robert after Eliza got it wrong.

“How did they build the pyramids?” -Jackelyn
“Very carefully.” -me

“I’ve raised a troop of jabbermonkeys. This is my legacy?” -Scott

“Where is my wife?” -Trent
“Applying my age.” -Alexis

Cameron said that despite the stage directions, she cannot actually blush on command.

“Are they bringing us champagne? I need rosy cheeks.” -Robert on tonight being the champagne and cheesecake event.
“Drunk Santa should be part of the plot.” -Gail and Eliza

“Maybe you should practice a little more.” -Gail on the kiss. Gail is obviously shipping Scott and Cameron every single time she is in the green room. I can’t even with this, but at least she’s onstage during the entire show so I don’t have to hear it then. Another reason why I'm hiding on the other side of the room diligently working on my knitting and not being social like usual. Sigh.
Oh well, doing sad shit like that is always better for you in the end.
But you know what? Clearly the universe is conspiring to put them together, so I might as well go along with it.

“My very first kiss was directed. It was a stage kiss.” -Cameron

“Mostly we just step on each other.” -Cameron

“My IT solution: have you tried turning it off and back on again? If it doesn’t work, then you need a new one.” -Cameron.

“Break a leg. Not like Kenneth.” -Robert, on the kid who fakes breaking a leg in the show.

Dona told me about wearing a purple skirt to a Bob Dylan concert. “I hope he saw it.” She also said she’d be out tomorrow because Jesse won the argument.

In Anita’s opening speech for the show, she said we have 14 kids, 9 adults, and there are 47 roles played (mostly by the kids doing multiple parts).
“William doesn’t count as an adult.” -Robert

Anita wants to use a baby in a Christmas show and talked about the times when people had a baby born during rehearsal season and she wanted to use the baby as baby Jesus. Regarding a previous show: “They said no! I don’t get that!”

“Josie just popped out her baby sister.” -kid (this is foreshadowing for later....)

William came onto the stage posing as a kid, then when he’s turned away, takes off his hat and stomps off.
“I wanna do a bit where I go on after her. She said okay,” -William
“Was that funny?” -William
“Kinda.” -Jackelyn

The Bieber song:
“This song is gonna haunt me.” -Robert
“Everyone is going to be, Is this a Christmas song?” -William
Amelia dances to Bieber onstage. “Now there’s some acting right there.” -me

One kid said something about a stupid Christmas pageant and Scott was all, “Excuse me, what are you in?”

Cameron mentioned this article on how what part a kid plays in a pageant influences their future earnings. I guess that will go well for our kids since we have a Mary, Joseph and Gabriel but no livestock.

Me on Mrs. Kornblum’s pickiness at the Abramowitz store: “If she doesn’t like the shop, why does she got there?”
“What would she do for fun otherwise?” -Cameron

“You’re fighting with a 5 year old.” -me watching the character of Ira (Kenneth) picking a fight with Lester (Abner).

“For a play in which they are going back in time, they are going back in time even more.” -me on the “let’s go back in time” line during the Thanksgiving pageant.

“All the boys suck.” -Jayden on Shirley’s casting.

On Alexis’s line about how Shirley might now become a nun: “And next year, Sound of Music!” -me
Josie acts out Alexis’s freaking out backstage very well.

On Mr. A trying to keep his mouth shut: “He knows better than to think.” -me

On the line “you’ll understand when you have a family of your own.”: “And then you’ll understand being mad at your husband.” -me

“She’s so dramatic, she should really go onstage.” -William (I don’t know about who but that could really apply to a lot of people. I would guess Mrs. A.)

“I always like that it’s the biggest one that has the hard time reading.” -me noting that Mark, who’s 18, plays a character who can’t read well.

“Trudging is awesome.” -Eliza

“Shirley grows up, moves to California, and directs.” -me on Shirley being the assistant stage director for the pageant, more or less.

“You ruined it for me.” -a random mom who hasn’t been here before but is being room monitor, after I said something or other about the plot.
“Where have you been for the last few months?” -me
“I dunno, not here, and I haven’t read it.” -her
“Well, you were going to find out sooner or later.” -me

Dona is getting a bunch of texts from her friend and it’s making a bell ringing noise every time.

“How old is Santa?” -Jayden
“He’s ancient, infinite, and eternal, and he won’t tell his age.” -me
“Was Santa in ancient Egypt?” -Jayden. Me: No.
“Was Santa in the Bible?” -Jayden. Me: No.

As the kids take pictures backstage during intermission:
“This is how people develop a love for theater.” -Robert
“I’ve never seen anyone do bunny ears on themselves.” -Robert on Abner, doing guess what.

“This is so like an actual production. This is so authentic.” -Robert

“That’s ridicicallyus!” -Abner, everyone loves it.

Me, explaining how Robert is in the show, decided that he must be some other teacher at the school.
“The math teacher?” -Jackelyn
“Sure, why not? Nobody likes math here.” -me

“There’s like 900 people in this play.” -Trent

Backstage, Mark heard me and William talking about swearing and threatened to tattle for swearing in front of children. I was all, “I don’t care.”

I later heard a story that someone complained about their seating and Anita’s response to this was, “But you’re number one! Don’t you like that?” They were not allowed to switch.

In other news, apparently you are supposed to go stand around in the hall and say goodbye to the audience? I did not know this but did not really think anything was weird other than everyone left after the show was over at first until Bridget ran in to say that she was leaving early to take off with her sister. Then I was all, why go out there? I don’t know anybody in the audience and it’s not like I’m an important character, so who cares if I’m there going “buh bye” like a flight attendant? So I left early.

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