Chaos Attraction

Coney Island Christmas Night 2: I Had One Job

2019-11-23, 6:41 p.m.

During the day, I went to the Harvest Festival with Mom and Loretta. Yonks ago I asked if Mom was going to go, she gave a hedgey answer, so I assumed she wasn’t going and planned to go with Loretta, and then on my way to the show last night she called to say she was coming. (Roger must be busy.) This went surprisingly well and they got along swimmingly. My friends have wide varieties of reactions to dealing with my mom (Jackie does well at it, Dawn is awkward around moms in general, Jess had a feud going on with Mom for years....), so I’m glad this went well.

I talked to a girl who remembered my Christmas tree outfit from last year (haven’t dug it out yet), and the candle selling guy said, “I saw your outfit and thought, there’s a girl who’s having fun.” I was wearing a Christmas skirt and my advent calendar vest, which is officially Too Early but this is a holiday event, and also the cold snap hasn’t happened yet so it was warm enough to wear it for a change.

The candle guy told me that he’s seen people who, for example, have the name of Smith, but instead of signing things with “Smith” they sign it with “Sm” and then a smiley face, so if anyone tries to forge their signature, they’re foiled. HUH.

I also saw a Santa hat that consisted of Santa’s butt and legs on your head. Daaaaamn.

I didn’t buy an enormous lot, just two sets of earrings, two butterfly clips and a cheap blingy heart ring. Mom bought me some gifts and a ton of foodstuffs, then claimed to not have bought a ton of foodstuffs. We probably spent a half hour taste testing vinaigrette dressings that were surprisingly delicious. Then we went out to lunch and Loretta and Mom bonded about being middle children and having issues from that.

Show #2:

“Did you put your shoes on? You’re stinking up the place.” -Drew to Abner

Abner started looking through Robert’s pockets for lipstick. Who knows why.

“One of the last bastions of male fashion is a tie. Otherwise it’s pretty boring for dudes.” -Cameron

Cameron was talking about not being able to talk to people without a reason (I think Scott was agreeing) and doesn’t get the “just to say hi” thing. I’d agree with that as well. I also heard her talking about wanting to go to Dickens Fair with someone but could not match up when they were going so she will go alone. I debated offering, but...didn’t. I’ve asked her to stuff and she either declined or didn’t answer, so why bother doing it again?

“It’s not a Pilgrim without the hat.” -Cameron

“I don’t know that we consciously flirt....” -Cameron?
“Well, we squish her between us.” -Scott

“I don’t even know what flirting is. I don’t recognize it when people are flirting with me.” -Scott
(To which I was all, “then how the hell did you figure out that I like you, then?!?!?!” in my head.)

“Oh, I’m romantic if there’s something....” -Scott

“Don’t break yourself, first and foremost. But also the chair.” -Cameron to a kid.

They are handing out cotton candy in the audience tonight.

I told Robert about my mom talking about getting together with her boyfriend and how her giving him a hug made him think he could get in there. I forget where I went from there, but I have down that he said to me, “This from the biggest hugger in the world.” Huh?!

“They’re all in a straight line!” I forget who said this while watching the kids, who were directed to come out on stage while they talked about tonight’s fundraiser.
“We’re making fun of children when they’re not here.” -me

“I had one job!” -Kenneth when he came backstage again.
“It was just to stand there?” -Bianca
“I just had to stand there and keep a straight face.” -Kenneth.
“Then if Kenneth’s one job was to stand still and keep a straight face, I also frequently fail at this.” -me

Scott imitated the line “I hate you, Evie Slotnick!” Harrison Ford style.
Robert: “I know.”

Me on Mrs. Abramowitz, as Older Shirley says the line about seeing her mom alive again in the flashback: “She’s back from the dead! It’s a zombie play!”

Robert is reading about time crystals. No joke. It’s in Scientific American.

“She like, pushes Abner.” -Bridget on a kid

The Statue of Liberty continues to fall off her wheeled dolly every night.

Me on Trent: “He’s just a walking, twinkly, sparkly fairy.”

“Ho ho ho, I can see you!” -Jayden

On Alexis’s line, “Is this a joke to you?”
Kids: “Yes, it is!” They act it out.

“You know what I love? Santa’s high steps.” -Eliza
“Santa looks like he’s goose stepping.” -Bridget.

The biggest foulup of the night was that Abner is supposed to screw something up in the script, causing Mr. Hilton to tell Shirley to chew the kid out for him because he’s tired of screaming. Except tonight Abner did it right, forcing Scott to wing it in the moment and be all, “I know he got it right this time, but....”
“You were supposed to get it wrong!” -Jackelyn to Abner afterwards.

Jackelyn plays with clay: “I made a carrot without realizing.”
“Good. Now all you need is a rabbit.” -me

Popcorn was being handed out, even to us, at intermission. “Oh my god, you’re going to be on a sugar rush.” --Anita.

While watching Mark onstage, he seems to be hiding his hands during the intermission song.
“What happened to Mark’s arms?” -me
“He’s doing a Mark Hamill impression.” -Robert

On Alexis’s line of “WHAT?!?!”
“She should be holding a knife at this point.” -Robert
“She could stab someone with a knitting needle.” -me

Kids having a conversation behind me, did not spot who said what:
“Your first kiss.”
“Only when I’m 28.”
“You have to be 18.”
“I wish.”

“Awkward kiss is the best, though.” -Robert

“I get lipstick every night, so it seems.” -Scott

Me on Santa’s amount of hair: “Think of Santa’s shower.”

William on the line about “that feeling.”: “Probably just gas.”

I skipped out on the hallway thing again, the only one that noticed was Bridget because she said she’d actually do it this time. I left early.

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