Chaos Attraction

Turkey Dump

2021-11-25, 10:26 p.m.

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Cast list as of November 2019

10: 15 a.m. home, watching the Thanksgiving Day parade, as things should be.

I think I feel shitty at the idea of telling Scott "no presents." It just feels fucking mean, to be honest. So I've been looking on Ravelry for some less...intense...present idea this year. Something easy that I could do in a few days if I feel like it, basically. I found an Enterprise starship ornament, so that could work.

Ugh. I'm just all over the map on the situation.

I need to get over this. I don't want to care about him more than he cares about me. Which apparently is not mutual.
I had hopes, I admit. Castles in the air. I like his family and I thought it'd be nice to join them instead of being stuck with my own. I wanted to introduce him to various television shows. I wanted to take him to various places. I wanted to snuggle all night. I could get into a list, but why bother. Now I can't ever do any of that because it's inappropriate. I definitely won't go spend alone time with him any more either.
Really, I just wanted a closer relationship with him and now that can't happen. Not that it was terribly likely anyway, I suppose. Is there a point of hanging around with someone with whom you want more than you can get? Aren't you always going to go out of your mind wanting more?
That's why I keep thinking I need to end this. IT'S NOT LIKE HE'D FUCKING NOTICE IF I STOPPED TALKING TO HIM OR ANYTHING. How do I get over it with him around?
I totally thought our relationship was different than it was. I did things, said things, wrote things, and gave things I would not have done had I thought he was totally platonic towards me. I'm deeply embarrassed and ashamed of myself for that stuff even if it doesn't bother him. It really bothers me.
I don't really see any point in continuing this when I didn't really get or know him at all and I'm always going to have to hold back and not get what I want anyway.


Okay, back to Thanksgiving recapping:

(a) I enjoyed getting to watch the parade again--actual full on parade this year. I had my phone plugged in for charging for hours, at one point I thought, "huh, it's kinda quiet compared to last year," then went back to watching the parade, then started in on the dog show. Circa 12:30 I went to text Mom to ask if we were still leaving at 3 and the phone wouldn't work, so I had to reboot the reception. Then I got a bunch of texts, including a happy Thanksgiving one from Scott. I wrote back "to you too" and left it at that. I also got some random message from some person I could not ID and when she further identified herself, I have no effing idea ("I met you at your coven, you helped me with grad school"). If she met me at my coven it's been probably at least ten years so why would you be contacting me???? Ah well.

(b) Meanwhile Mom freaked that we were leaving at 2:45 p.m. and wanted me to leave immediately, so I ended up leaving at 12:45. The only part where traffic was kind of bad was going through as far as Vacaville and then otherwise it was fine, go figure.

(c) Dinner was at McCormick and Kuleto's in SF. SF continues to be nicely quiet on Thanksgiving. I note that Ghiradelli has at least three stores in Ghiradelli Square, all open. I was the only one who ordered the Thanksgiving menu (go figure) and I admit I did that because they were offering butternut squash bisque. Their turkey was AMAZING, best turkey EVER--moist and delicious. The mashed potatoes and some other thing I couldn't identify were also very good. Sadly, the stuffing and cranberries (usually my favorite) were...not. The stuffing was basically a tasteless loaf and when the waiter (who was great) packed it up for me, he left out the cranberries and gave me extra gravy instead. Great cheesecake too. So...mostly good, I suppose. It did take something like 1.5 hours to actually get the food, so I ate a lot of bread. The first batch of it was really delicious and hard crunchy, second half was softer but went with the bisque.

(c) I'd say a good time was had by all--it was dinner with Mom, Roger, Evan and Stephanie again like in 2019, conversations were fun, etc. Stephanie brought wine and said she's moving to Florida. I politely didn't express my thoughts on "oh good lord, I wouldn't move to Florida in covid times." Stephanie said some other odd remarks that Mom commented on later--there was debate as to whether or not Roger is actually allergic to walnuts or just hates them and she started making jokes about Roger dying and is she in the will. So...weird. Oh well, probably not seeing her again after this anyway.

(d) We briefly went in a store that was open around there and Evan picked out socks specifically because they were the most expensive....Huh. Reminded me of Jackie. I was amused that they were shark attack socks and I asked about this later and yeah, he's afraid of shark attacks...We did have some amusing nerd movie conversation there. I would hang out with him more, given the opportunity.

(e) Heard back from (Redhead) Sarah saying that Scott was sending mixed messages. And that she got turkey dumped today(!) by her new boyfriend suddenly realizing he should be single. To which I am all, why did you hop on a dating app while getting divorced then, dude? I don't understand this logic. Anyway, I'm sad/mad for her, because while I never actually got a taste of having a relationship that was going well, she did for a few months.

(f) By the time we got home, I only got to see the last hour of "The Nine Kittens of Christmas," the follow up to my favorite Hallmark movie of all time, "The Nine Lives of Christmas." Apparently they broke up and she finished vet school and moved to Florida and her cat died (sad) but his is still alive. And somehow they are finding homes for kittens. Anyway, they got back together and he proposed and this makes me very happy. Also, as was pointed out by Linda Holmes online, this is the most horny kiss you ever saw on Hallmark. I adore these two as a TV couple. Now I have to figure out how to watch the other half of it.

I'll note that Hallmark does the occasional sequel movie (those Evergreen ones that kinda make me zone out) but I think this is the first one where the couple didn't end up happily ever after...except they do again this time AWWWW.

(g) Mom did not have the bed cleaned off when I got here, claimed she never had time. I'm guessing she hasn't slept in the house all pandemic. I seriously started bedding down on the bathroom floor and expecting I was going to sleep there all night, but she finally woke me up around midnight saying that the bed was cleaned off. I didn't yell at her (what's the point) but she did yell at me about it--um, that's on you, lady, I cleaned my house? I sent photos to my therapist and she was all "if you were a minor I'd call somebody."


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