The morning: slept till 9ish, got out of bed around 10ish, walked around the house for 90 minutes. Then took an online class on "Tarot: The Hero's Journey," which had Technical Difficulties for most of the first half hour, and then once that finally got squared away I was all "oh, that's the guy I took Lenormand from awhile back!" Anyway, nice (shorter, thank god) run-through of the cards and meanings. I know that stuff by now, but I felt like listening, so what the heck.

Then the next one was "Life Coaching with Tarot." In retrospect I wasn't sure what the hell I signed up for, if it was going to turn out to be some kind of "here's how to start your own tarot business" (no thanks, business is hard). But no, it was a therapist who also uses tarot doing free readings for people and it was lovely. "We'll figure out what the problem is and I'll design a tarot spread just for you." Sweet! Her name is Natalie Burtenshaw, for the record.

So yes, I asked a Scott question....namely, how do I deal with initiating vs. not wanting to be Too Much or whatever for him.

Your role in initiating: King of Cups. the part of ourselves connected with emotions/the heart. united head and heart. Wounded healer. Even though he may be hurting, the KoC still reaches out to help other people too. Court card represents person--either masculine part of you or him. (I said could be either of us, really, but "wounded healer" matches more with my astrology.) How might you be called to be the initiator? "You're playing the helper role," checking in, sending him things. you're the person who's holding the relationship up with heart, high integrity.
Most helpful place for you to invest your energy: Moon. "Oh man, what happens at nighttime?" Dreaming, collective unconscious, intuition. Unfounded phobias, fears that can derail us, synchronicities. She asked about the positive side of that vs. the negative side of that and I said I've been worrying about freaking him out on the negative side, but on the positive side I've had synchronicities going on. "Rather than taking to the dark side of the moon."
The way forward that will help you with balancing comfort and vulnerability. (too much = phobias, may not be really happening). The Devil. Controlling part of our nature, power tripping, obsessing, trying to make things go a certain way. "I want some heat in one way or another." She said about herself that she was "getting really good at surfing chaos." "I got really good at managing that chaos." When things are lukewarm/normal/stable I want to shake things up, she says.

What's getting to you is unspoken indecision--is it going somewhere or not? Continuing to flow with the current, see what happens, vs. I don't want to waste a whole lot of time. I want it to be what it's going to be sooner or later. Our brains hate undecided decisions-- go one way or the other. Could be healthy to rein in this devil energy, wait it out, keep going with flow, resist the urge to shake things up, Or things really do need to be shaken up? The Devil is the part that wants to control the situation. Maybe this needs shaking up/trickster energy, or maybe it's a case of letting things go, waiting for them to go back to normal.

She said that the King of Cups is the energy of being kind and present, vs. the Devil saying "I gotta manipulate the situation." King of Cups is "how can I make his day today? How can I add a little bit of positivity to this relationship?" The inbalanced energy comes from the Devil: should I go forward or back, instability, see if you can go forward.

She brought up the Devil saying I'm too much, stay quiet, control your emotions, you will ruin things--damn right. She suggested talking about things, connecting...but good god, I don't think the relationship is there yet and definitely isn't going to be during a pandemic, wah. I just don't want to dump all over him or have obvious expectations or...whatever. If he's not ready, he's not ready. If he's got nothing, he's got nothing. I just...want to make sure the option exists if there's a future so we don't drift apart, and I want to make him feel as good as I can, which isn't much. Sigh.

A few other folks said the following:
"If you're going to risk something for something, love is it."
"Life is short and you should eat dessert first. Tell him what's up. Guys don't normally chill with women they don't dig on." (Har.)
Someone else pointed out that he may not be telling me all he's going through (which yeah, likely) or showing everything he's feeling (ditto). This was followed by, "I really do get it, he's lucky to have you, and I'm sure he's special too, but also men are shit."

Per my mom buying me some kind of Hallmark Channel subscription, I watched "Good Morning Christmas!"

"Bright and Merry" are two TV hosts who are kinda feuding. I think this was based off Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan, actually: blonde cohost getting annoyed when her football star cohost wants off the show and doesn't tell her. Anyway, they get forced to do Christmas shows for a week in "Mistletoe" and then announce on Christmas Eve that the show is ending--on prime time. Really? Who the hell would make that as a business decision? That would piss people off, actually. Basically: Melissa wants to control everything and rehearse and Brian wants to wing it and be spontaneous. "It's just more fun when it's planned. And prepared."

"This is the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life." "That's the whole point." -on ugly sweater wearing. "My least favorite suggestion is THIS THING!" Brian says later.

Anyway, this involves them teaming up for things, him learning to rehearse a bit and her learning how to wing it. Brian learns to love Hawaiian Christmas shirts. Both of them hang out and craft and have a good time, except for the times when Brian's girlfriend comes in, isn't into Christmas, and wants to start a show with him and her. The girlfriend seems nice, and actually takes figuring out that Brian isn't into them having a show where they shack up and get engaged very well. Go figure.

I get the feeling that this whole plot has just been a matchmaking scheme by Jennifer to get them together romantically by supposedly letting Brian out of his contract even though it's a hit show? Now it's all "secretly film them and turn their mikes on."

Actual conversation in the show: "How did you know Jenny was the one?" "Because she has been driving me crazy since the day I met her." "Good enough."

"Always listen to your gut while producing." Jennifer's gut says to go live ahead of time, even though she's not supposed to.

Him: "Can I go first? I rehearsed." Her: "Where's the teleprompter where you need one?" Her sister jumps up and yells watching the TV.

"You're not crafty and you don't even know all the words to Jingle Bells!" "I couldn't find another cohost because none of them was you." Awwwwwwwwww. I do think this movie is very cute. This is the most fun I've ever seen Marc Blucas have on film in my life. They also made the same wish--for their show to continue.

After that, I watched musicals online. "An American In Paris" was on "The Shows Must Go On" this weekend and I was all, I haven't seen it, so what the hell. In all honesty, I found it pretty boring and didn't even end up finishing it. Not a lot of plot in this.

The entire plot of it seems to boil down to "three friends are all in love with the same girl." The girl, Lise, may be a good dancer (this is quite the dance show), but frankly, I just don't find her very interesting. Boring brown bob, boring clothes, shy and introverted, and apparently her appeal is 'she makes you want to take care of her." Frankly, I'm bored by her and I don't get why everyone's dick is hard over her. Jerry, the title American, is also kind of irritating and brash and insistent, and decides to rename her "Liza" because he thinks Lise sounds sad (frankly, I think he just can't say it). Lise is pretty openly not into the renaming, either, but then changes her mind.

Henri is the one who proposes to Lise, though his mom seems to think he's gay (must be that bow tie he keeps insisting on) and even Henri himself thinks she's not that into him. I dunno on his French accent either? And when he brings up the possibility of being gay around his friends, they all kinda look away awkwardly and then one of them goes, well, it wouldn't change my opinion of you, you're still asinine....

I think Milo is a much more interesting lady, though she also renames Jerry a few times (he don't like it either!). Ditto Henri's mother.

Dear Lise: you just got engaged to someone else, you cannot get into a snit over the guy you didn't get engaged to dancing with another woman.

"Are you one of those rare gents who likes to shop?" Hah, Henri.

DMTC has another musical online (without the licensing being yanked this time!), The Sound of Music. I will note that the Maria casting is excellent in particular but the Captain is well.... much older and stout. I don't buy them romantically even besides the issues of Zoom plays.

This one is a mix of OBS and talking heads. The talking heads came off pretty well, the OBS... well...

* All these nuns are just....floating in and around the screen and positioned about stacked on top of each other.
* I give them credit for pretty much being able to use the same or similar "the hills are alive" background.
* Maria must have a large amount of space wherever she is to be able to go back and forth like that.
* I am SERIOUSLY WONDERING how humans move like this. Are half of them somehow on conveyor belts to just kinda slowly whiz across the screen?
* I repeat: seeing full bodies means you can't really see faces. Even when I put the screen on full screen (which I'm mostly not doing so I can take notes) everyone's face is about the size of my pinky.
* Argh, she's totally off from the music on "My Favorite Things." I have no idea if she can tell or not from her angle--my guess here is that the accompaniment is being done offstage/by someone else rather than the way we did it in Robin Hood.
* Hey, that hug was actually pretty successful! Except for the back end of Mother Superior disappearing a bit.
* The Zoom square closeup shots are the best ones in here for conversation and for seeing faces, I gotta say.
* Oooh, they have vast improvements on "Doe, A Deer," I can actually see facial expressions this time. Good job.
* The overlapping can get...interesting...like walking through humans and sizes being odd. One person's just totally behind another one, blocked by her butt or whatever. I just want to be, tech people, MOVE THAT ONE OVER A LITTLE.
* Poor Maria has to tap on the kids' heads. This is only working on the kids closest to her.
* I love how everyone is just marching through the couch.
* I'm not even sure how to describe the Liesl/Rolf dance scene. Doesn't look like they can position them together very well on OBS with the dancing and the moving. That said, I like the background they have going here, it's pretty and fitting.
* Much like in Charlotte's Web, it's rather distracting to have a "storm" going on when the background is so clearly lit in daylight.
* OMG, the guy playing Max looks like freaking Santa Claus in a sweater vest. Which seems to be...lighting up a bit, somehow, on the diamonds?
* SERIOUSLY, WHOEVER IS MOVING THE PEOPLE AROUND, PLEASE STOP SHOVING ONE DIRECTLY BEHIND THE OTHER ONE. Especially when the one behind is singing!
* I see what they mean about having someone facing the sides looks weird...when Elsa's singing to the left and Max is singing to the right.
* I do like how this show switches back and forth between "talking heads" and OBS'ing. But let's face it: scenes look better if people are not moving in them.
* Oh my, that is a lot of people to have to try to line up in the ballroom as dancing together. It's...very off. I seriously wonder what their tech people are telling the poor actors. "Oh, we'll just put you together somehow....?" It would help if at least some of them are lined up on the proper side, which...mostly is off.
* So long, farewell, Friedrich just poofed out of sight entirely!
* Wow, Kurt can do an LOUD operatic voice out of a relatively small child. Good job.
* The synchronized "we flit, we fly" actually went pretty well.
* "Lonely Goatherd" is total chaos, and Max is blindfolded.
* Ruh-roh, either the Captain forgot to change his background or whoever's running the screens forgot to. Oh, they just fixed it!
* I note that in this version, suddenly the festival they're singing at is two days away and then they're all "I guess he can go into work on Monday," and then the German guy demands that they start singing RIGHT NOW as proof of...what?!
* Oh god, sometimes the music just gets cacophonous.
* They have the third and second place winners just come on stage and SCREAM TOTALLY CRAZILY and it is a bonkers hoot.

Anyway...it was an interesting watch, I'll say that. I think I agree with SF Shakes's or Folsom Lake's versions best though: not all the way viewing of the feet, having precise marks to hit, and not a lot of moving around.

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