Hi all--normally I’d be doing an introduction post or something like that, but I am way out of time to post anything fresh all day today, so here’s a pre-written review of the Netflix movie “The Holiday Calendar.” I plan on reviewing the Netflix Christmas movies on days with no drama round here.

This one’s a Netflixer, and I would like to point out that it features people of color! Like, all over the place! Hallmark, please take note of this.

Anyway, our heroine is Abby the photographer, who works at a photo studio and isn’t all that into everything she has to photograph. Her grandfather gives her an advent calendar that her grandmother used to have and wanted her to have.

Let me tell you how this works: at midnight, the little door opens up for the day and it’s lit up (somehow) and then there’s a little toy object in there. The way this magic calendar works is that the object of the day ends up foreshadowing something that happens in Abby’s day.

For example: on day one, she gets a pair of boots and her best friend/fellow photographer Josh gives her a pair of Italian boots. On day two she gets a Christmas tree and ends up running over a dude’s tree with her car when he only tied it on with twine. (This is why twine jumping isn’t as popular as bungee jumping.) The dude, named Ty, is hot though. On day three she gets a nutcracker and runs into Ty again with his daughter, who has a nutcracker. On day four, she gets a candy cane and is literally knocked over by a bunch of domino-ing giant candy canes. When she goes to the doctor, Ty is the doctor and immediately asks her out, medical ethics be damned on that one.

Quote Corner:
“potential sprain by candy cane?” -Ty
“Christmas is not your holiday.” -Ty

When Josh finds this out, he has the sads because FRIENDZONE! God, I hate friendzone plots. Hate. Dude, suck it up and ask her out already if that’s an issue for you. Don’t fondle her face while she sleeps, either. That was kinda ick.

Anyway, the calendar objects seem to foreshadow the various dates Abby and Ty go on (skating, caroling, whatevs) and that he gives her a giant wreath. On “Three Wise Men” day, even though Abby is going on all the right romantic comedy at Christmas dates, she complains that she’s not actually getting to know Ty as a person. (And I note that mom must have custody of the kid a lot for Ty to have all this free time.) Her grandpa is all, hm, why didn’t you ever get together with Josh?

So Abby and her coworkers are supposed to go to a showing of “A Christmas Story” in costume and Abby wants to be the lamp. (Note: nobody does well on this costume thing at all. I think they think wearing hats does it.) Except oops, she forgot and agreed to go on a date with Troy and of course, does not make it later. This is because he takes her on a date to the soup kitchen because he is a saint. Abby goes around photographing people there and she starts chatting with two guys and when she points out her date in the kitchen, the guys are all, “Oh, the Boy Scout,” and “He brings a lot of people here.” “He said he brings his daughter,” Abby says, and the guys shake their heads and look down and say not a word. HMMMMM.

When Abby brings Ty home, he is not impressed with the concept of a magic calendar and compares it to horoscopes, and she’s all, “You mocked me.” She then calls him out for what the homeless guys said and he’s basically all I don’t know those people, there’s so many in line. Abby decides she wants a “break” (you’ve been dating him for what, a week?) and he’s all, “You’re breaking up with me over a calendar?”

At work, the mayor wants Abby’s photos. Josh somehow loses the card (SD card, I guess) with them and Abby is the one who gets the traditional Christmas firing for this. She’s mad at everyone and yells at Josh and stomps off. At some point Abby has some kind of rage moment and disposes of the calendar or something, then wants it back but it’s been sold to an anonymous buyer. (This got kind of weird, but I got a little distracted around this time and never ran this bit back.) She tells her grandpa she lost it and he is utterly unfazed. “It’ll find its way back. Your grandmother was convinced it had magical powers.” Sure ‘nuff, that happens. I think Grandpa got it back, as he says “the holiday calendar watches over you.” (I wonder if there’s some legal reason to not say “advent” in this movie, or if that just reminds people of Christ or something?) Is it magic or fate? Either way, says Gramps!

Josh and Abby reunite, she finally got him some present, he rents them a studio together, they get together and take a selfie, and one year later their studio is called “Magic Calendar.” Ta-daaaaah!

Plusses and minusses:

Plusses:
Magic advent calendar!
I always liked this actress back on the Vampire Diaries and Grandpa is nice too.
PoC in a Christmas movie, and lots of them.
Ty doesn’t plan out like you’d expect, so that’s new. Subverts the romantic comedy troping.

Minusses:
Josh seems nice enough, I suppose, but friendzone plots suck.

Deep Thoughts:
Okay, think about like, any advent calendar that has stuff like that in it (as opposed to say, Star Wars Lego or something). I’m pretty sure all the chocolate ones I get every year have the same kinds of things--wreath, candy cane, tree, blah de blah --in them. I am willing to bet that during oh, any day in December, I would come across ALL OF THOSE OBJECTS. Is it magical powers if you’re highly likely to stumble across a candy cane, wreath, tree, etc. anyway? Albeit may not in the same ways she did what with the accidents going on? This review points that out as well.

This reminds me of the time long ago when I decided to do some manifestation experiments. Overall results: out of 11 objects I tried to manifest, I found all but two of them within 30 days. That’s...pretty good, actually.

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