Chaos Attraction

Moving? Who Knows?

2012-12-04, 3:31 p.m.

"A lot of time I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, trying to go somewhere, but stuck in park. What am I doing with my life? How can I be approaching 40 and not know?" Hah, yeah, minus the 40 and mom bits, I hear that. This too.

So I had therapy today. I figured it was gonna be a real lulu. It wasn't so much. As I started recounting how the conversation with Mom while she was trying to be supportive--and for Mom, supportive equals nitpicking-- I realized that it was pretty much the same kind of experience that I had going down to Disneyland last year. And I had the same reaction of "I give the fuck up, you're right, you're right, I know you're right, I suck, blah blah blah." My shrink was all, "Every time she does that, tell her I told her to stop doing it."

I said that I don't actually believe that a trip is going to happen even when Mom is supposedly on board right now--who the fuck knows when the time comes on things with her until tickets are bought-- and I don't believe anything ever will unless something is done. And she was all, "What would make you feel like it's going to happen?" I said, "Nonrefundable tickets have been bought." She said, "Well, why don't you buy some for a trip down there, then?" Or at least look into it for next week's homework, she later amended, since I'm not sure what area I'd want to stay in. She told me about how long it took her to move to California and how she took six trips out here to figure out where to live and where she could handle living. Multiple trips is a good point, see if I can find an area I can stand there. She's all, "You're going there to explore, that's reason enough." Maybe so.

So...moving or not? Who the fuck knows, for now. My shrink seems oddly convinced that I will, I don't feel that way because nothing has happened...I dunno.

I should probably shut up about this topic.

Other than that, nothing much else is going on today to write an entry about. I got a T-shirt that says, "I Survived 2012 At The Craft Center" and I am going to get together with Merry tonight for dinner before going to my last of the Tuesday night classes I have going on. I have also been working on trying to put pictures into my vacation entries--which is taking forever because there's so many pictures to wade through for the first week (and almost none on week 2). Gotta get cracking on that.

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