Chaos Attraction

An Exhausting Last Show Sunday

2022-12-06, 5:16 p.m.

(Sunday’s entry, being posted on Tuesday because of catching up.)

Sunday morning was already tiring. Mom called wanting to know what was up with the theater, and was all "Can't you find another place to go?" Me: "No, that's hard." (I note Noel, who used to perform at their old theater before they got kicked out, said as much.) She was riled up at that and at Trump saying on Truth Social they should overthrown the constitution and put him back in as president. Also she wants me to buy Jackie all of her Christmas and birthday gifts and said she'd pay me back...ugh.

Then Ashley wanted to talk. She is pretty upset right now--weirdly tested negative at home yesterday when she was fine, now has symptoms all over today and still hasn't gotten PCR test results back. Another friend of hers was giving her shit and saying "it's all about you, isn't it" and they are Taking A Break after that. Meanwhile her dad is off partying at karaoke bars until 4 a.m. and won't wear a mask--I asked what about when you're in the hospital and apparently he won't do it then either. Me: FFS. And well...she told me some worse stuff that I am not going to repeat here (I'll just say that he is Not Doing Well when not at karaoke) and frankly, I don't know what the fuck to do or say about it, other than talk with my therapist.

I feel like Ashley needs some kind of social worker to get her set up with some kind of low income housing so she can finally move out (I will leave it as her parents are only together for the sake of taking care of her, and her mom hasn't had a job in years, so it sounds like divorce isn't an option) and get her mom paid by the state as a caregiver. She only JUST got an SSI check for the first time but has to wait to not have covid to deposit it, sigh. I feel awful and don't know what to do here and she doesn't know either.

So yeah, that was a heavy thing to be dropped on me Sunday morning.

This is gonna be my last show for a long time (and I HATE that), but after the way this weekend's gone, I was quite exhausted and almost ready for it to be over so I can collapse for awhile.

It was dry in the morning and rained in the afternoon, as forecasted. Kimmie wanted to leave the rain/buckets/towels setup on stage in case it started leaking again during the show, Steve thought it looked bad and if it leaks during the show, it leaks. Kimmie was all "not my call." We got lucky and it didn't rain enough to cause a problem and we did the show using the stage as usual, and/or possibly James going up there on the genie lift and putting buckets up there or something did something too, I don't know. Steve called the shitty landlord again and they told him they blamed him for the leak and won't do anything. Per James, it's going through the roofing and then through the air handler and coming off the top of the air conditioning.

Alex (youngest kid in the show) got to ride in the genie lift and several of us hopped in with him to try out the elevator from the pit to the main floor (for wheelchair access), which was fun.

The show went smoothly and not-wet-ly, and Steve-the-Beadle-now-Present got more lines in than ever before, including remembering the Diet Coke line, so good for him. Onstage, Steve-the-new-Beadle gave Noel some actual pennies instead of fake money, asked me for a wishbone (I gave him an imaginary one to pull) and he made some cracks about someone coming out of the coffin. I've missed being in a show with Steve. Never dull.

After the show, I was assigned to costumes, so I sorted costumes. At one point I asked Other Jennifer if it looked like I still had the splinter in there or if it was just healing stiffly (I'd tried poking at it with tweezers at home) and she said yeah, she thinks it's still in there, so we went looking for tweezers, which turned out to be in the wrong section of the first aid area and Kimmie threw a big ol' yell about how people suck when they move things. Other Jennifer managed to get half of it out and I had to re-open the skin to get the other half out because it had kind of healed over it, but it's now out, yay.


Steve, upon me walking into the building: "You look like a movie star," and he commented that my glasses matched the outfit. Later when I was doing "Rags and bones" during sound check, he said I scared him. (That seems to happen every sound check.)

The tradition at DMTC is to sign the wall backstage at the end of the show. (I note the pens didn't work for shit so my signature sucked, WAH). Noel had to leave before the end of strike to take her kid to a rehearsal, and I said she should sign before she leaves.
Steve: "No graffiti."
Me: "No graffiti?!"
Morgan: "It's a little late for that, Steve."

James: "If my mouth is open, sarcasm is coming out." He and Kimmie talk like that to each other and it makes people think they don't like each other, but they do! They are the dream team! Also, "If someone slips over here, please do it during "Dancing On Your Grave" so it will be accurate."

Morgan, puffing up her hair for the show: "Gotta love Sunday hair."

Noel told a story about her mother-in-law ending up with a six foot long petit point version of The Last Summer some relative did, and MIL is an atheist. Noel wants to get rid of it after she dies. Then her teenage son said he wanted it. "What is he going to do with a six foot long petit point of The Last Supper?!" Excellent point.

Scrooge Scott: "Break out the scotch. Or vodka. Or gin."

Kimmie started thumping on James after he got dirty from rummaging around in the ceiling. James: "You're going to beat me, ma'am, thank you. Harder!"

James on stage managing: "For the last four shows I have apologized that this is not how things are supposed to go." He stage managed Gypsy--the ceiling was having problems and they ended up putting it on at the Unitarian church who didn't mind a stripper show. I didn't see Rent, but I guess he got sick during it. Then there was Camelot, which got interrupted for pandemic, and now this. Kimmie was all, "we're getting used to this."

Kimmie: "It is raining again, like I predicted...."

James has no idea how long strike will take. "I should say it'll be a 10 hour strike..." (Usually around two.)

Morgan, recounting her traumatic playing of Brooke Wyndham in Legally Blonde previously: "I never want to see another jump rope in my life." Since the show is (tentatively) on the schedule for next year, there was some discussion as to what terminology you use when you're in a show a second time, do you do the same character or do a new one, etc. Scrooge Scott called it "redemption," others called it other r-words I am blanking out on.

Dannette's pants (that she was going to wear home) disappeared for like an hour after the show, but eventually turned up in the costume shop. Scrooge Scott: "No comment can be made on risk of death" about this.

After the show:

Molly and Annie came (Annie: "I do not let Molly do a show at Christmas, we're too busy"). Annie had half-beads, half-helmet hats for Cabaret, and Molly got a GIANT PILE OF PEACOCK FEATHERS from Jean's peacock. What are you going to do with all of those, I asked? "Some kind of peacock project."

One lady I hadn't met before was asking us to sign her program (that's so sweet) and she said to me, "You were phenomenal," and that while performing I was inhabiting the character I was playing. AWWWWWWWWWWWWW I THINK I LOVE YOU.

I will note that Scott had said last week his grandma was going to come to the show. I didn't see her in her usual spot on the side (others apparently booked it?) and I was concerned if she'd flaked, or the rain, or if she'd gotten ill or something. (Isn't that always the thing, you hope someone did something shitty because something bad happened, instead of just "I don't care about you?") But no, she waved to me from the top seats once people had cleared up and I headed up there and talked to her and her friend. They enjoyed it very much and I noted they came when my relatives did not (tells you something about my family there, doesn't it).

And she said that Scott flaked and bailed, basically. Okay, she didn’t say “flaked and bailed” exactly, but it was obvious that that was what happened and she was trying to think of a nice way to say it. Blah blah he was working and was too tired (she started out with “he couldn’t get out of bed” and I freaked out that he had covid again, but no..) and didn't go. I said nothing to this, because what can you say in this situation. Other than "hey, maybe don't wait until the last possible weekend to go, in case any shit happens, perhaps?", which I did not say aloud.

I am politely censoring myself here on the thoughts I am having. I know it’s Not Nice to be mad at people who flake and bail for being tired, especially when if I tell people I’m doing something, I actually do it and nobody else feels the same, and I only skip doing something out of being tired if I haven’t committed and/or it’s not causing people problems if I bail (i.e. I time my sick/mental health days from work very carefully, see later entries). I have already been yelled at for not having sympathy for people being out of spoons that this holiday season, and I know I am being a jerk about this topic. But if he’d wanted to go, I think he would have done something about it sooner than that, eh? And if it had been someone other than me’s show, I bet he probably would have shown up. He didn’t really wanna go, which I had the feeling about even though at the time he made it sound like he wanted to, and I probably forced him to lie by asking. I didn’t take the hint and go away.

I care about him more than he cares about me, and I’m sick of it and it needs to stop.

Also, fuck waiting around on my flaky friends to decide whether or not they want to go to the 10 minute play festival and when. I've booked my ticket for opening night on Thursday, alone, thankyouverymuch. Now if Robert happens to get people together to see it later, fine, but at least this way I don't miss it because of flaky people, because at the rate things are going I bet Redhead Sarah says she can only go Saturdays because that's her one night without kids, and then we wait until the last Saturday and then she can’t go because whatever...I give up on trying with people.

After stuff was taken down, there was a schism in where to eat afterwards. A bunch of people (shall we say, the families because the kids wanted mac n' cheese) wanted to go to Panera, and then Jan was all, "I want a hot meal, I'm going to Burgers and Brew," so half the people went there and half the people went to Panera. I went to Panera for the hot soup AND the fact that it was indoors and B&B is outside because the building is literally too small to house diners and you have to eat on patios there, and it's like 50 degrees and raining.

I had a good time eating with the families, even if Panera said they were out of mac 'n cheese unless you wanted mac n' cheese in a SANDWICH, a fact that baffled us all (Sage got it). We discussed what shows to do next, if we do any--I don't think any in this bunch were that thrilled with the next few shows and there won't be any kid parts in the next bunch until like, Seussical or so. I said I don't really fit with the next bunch of shows (I guess Felicia was asked to be a sexy dancer and turned it down!) and I said I was going to audition at a few other places that probably won't take me.

Soji was horrified that I said that some people had told me I won't get into Woodland ("those are horrible people and you shouldn't be friends with them any more"), I pointed out that they perform there and Woodland has high standards that they're aware that I'm not going to meet, and I get that, and also I've been crap my entire life in theater so I know better than to assume I can audition for a part. I told them about how I was one of 2 people (the other one being Jan, who doesn’t go for parts/care if she has one) who didn't get a callback for a part in Urinetown, and when one person in particular didn't read aloud very well and SHE got one and I didn't? I think that tells me everything I need to know. And I only got one here because they had 35 parts here and like 18 people.

Felicia said that after I did such a good job in this one, maybe it would get better. I'd like to think so, but...realism, and whenever I believe something optimistically, shit happens (see above), and I've only gotten callbacks for shows that are large enough where everyone gets a part and I can get a super minor one. I know what my worth is in the eyes of other people, you know? I can't lie to myself or anyone else about it. Really, I'm just happy anyone lets me onstage at all since I couldn't get on one in high school or college.

And now, I'm done with shows...indefinitely, and I hate that. I'd be fine with taking a break for Cabaret, but I hate knowing I'm likely to just not do four shows in a row because I don't like them or fit most of them, and it's not very likely I'll find anywhere else to take me. I’m going to try, but with lowered/no expectations, if I can swing it.

But for now, I'm going to collapse and enjoy that post-show shower and get out of that damn spandex and tights indefinitely.

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