Chaos Attraction

"Helpful" Reindeer

2018-12-11, 6:39 a.m.

This covers December 10, really.

When I was going out for lunch I overheard a coworker and my assistant talking about holiday plans. She asked if he was going home for the holidays and he said no, because he was getting a new dog. What’s its name? I’m not going to say because it’s a distinctive name, but it’s a mashup of two different languages that translated into my coworker saying, “You named your dog Fat Dessert?”Yes, yes he did. It's a pug dog, so....

Today was the knitting group holiday party, which was smaller than the usual but still good. There wasn’t a whole lot of stealing in this game, nothing got stolen twice and only one thing got stolen twice. I stole myself a large craft pouch that said “You Crafty Bitch” on it, which I loved. Alison (we’ll be talking about her next week) ended up with my shawl/scarf thing, which she seemed to like, I hope.

Other gifts were blocking mats, a “No need for a towel” (that was the name, I swear) cowl kit, a knitting bag, rice bags, handmade headbands, various shawls and cowls, a Vogue Knitting magazine, and a yarn bowl that came with booze candy and a towel. The person who originally got it (Morgan) said “I need sustenance and a knitting bowl, I should be pretty good until I pass out.” Then it was immediately stolen and exchanged for blocking mats, which made people think, “Uh, what’s she going to do with those in her car?” She kept them anyway.

So this is the same Morgan as previously mentioned ... I last reported that she was living with a friend. Well, nope, that’s ending! Very quickly! I’m not 100% sure this is a “uh-oh, total friend breakup” situation, but it kind of sounded that way and she didn’t bring her friend along this time. She said the friend has three dogs that are constantly barking and it’s raising her blood pressure, so... back to the car. The foster kittens are about to be adopted, though, so there’s that. Then she goes off to Scotland for a while.

In other news, we discussed tortoise porn, watched the Baby, Just Go Outside corrective video to all the problems of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” and we all admired someone’s “helpful reindeer” hat. By helping, I mean humping, a la my humping reindeer sweater. I was informed that only the lady reindeer keep their antlers throughout the winter into spring, so this is really lesbian reindeer fucking going on here.

(Note: I found a sweater where the lady is banging the gentleman from behind, if you go by the antlers.)

I also got my “I’m Christmas Groot” shirt that I ordered in the mail. The logo is cute as the dickens. However, the shirt showed up smelling like vinegar and I had to rinse it about four times, three of which were producing a lot of purple dye coming out of the shirt. Oy. They asked me for a product review but all they gave me was a “mark off however many stars” option and frankly, I don’t know what to mark. Five stars for the design, about 3.5 for the shirt quality and 2 stars for the smell and having to wash out the dye is what I would say. The situation is a lot more nuanced than that. But looking on their website, that is an expected thing, apparently. Oh well. These days it’s safer to not review anything if you’re not feeling five stars about it, people go crazy on you for that.

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