Chaos Attraction

Deadline Panic Day

2020-12-11, 7:52 p.m.

Today was a Last Day Before Deadline at work, Everybody Panic day. It involved something I normally don't work on (it was Dianna's project, Hope really got into it, they usually have it done before I start working in the morning), but unfortunately I got roped into it because someone set a deadline for this activity at 4 p.m..... and the rest of them leave work at 4, sigh. So I had to go retrain on the thing, work on it intermittently, and then do the last minute stragglers.

My boss said she has Covid-brain and she is so done and ready for the break, and also her sons are now boxing each other during school hours. Does that count as PE?

During Yarn Club, Lori Ann was having A Bad Day. "I'm having the kind of day Jennifer has," she said, saying she'd just been in a Zoom for two hours, was on with us for lunch, and then had a 3 hour Zoom right after. And she found some horrible work disaster. And a (literal) Karen wasn't taking no for an answer.

'I am going to leave my desk, and I AM GOING TO BEAT PEOPLE UPSIDE THE HEAD." -Lori
"She's going to violate a stay at home order and appear in front of somebody...." -Yemi

On a related note, the entire state or at least this region got sent an emergency notification at noon to not leave our houses for the current stay at home order. At this point nobody's shocked to hear that, but it was more "Huh, they're messaging all of our phones with this?" Yemi wants to go see her baby nephew in SF tomorrow and is trying to figure out if that is utterly banned or what. On the one hand, I'm sure Yemi most likely hasn't been out in 2 weeks. On the other hand, she said her brother is a doctor. So....

Mom called to say (a) she got the cross stitches I mailed and loves them, (b) said she might drive by to drop things off on the porch (we'll see) (c) griped that she never gets anything done and blamed it on Roger (in a way that I am not permitted to disclose, har har). I was all "If you actually wanted to get stuff done, you would, but you don't so you won't," and she said "If I only got up early in the morning...." and I rolled my eyes a lot. Not my problem now, though...

According to this we have 0 ICU beds, will get 975 doses of Pfizer (why the odd number?!?) and 1500 of Moderna.

Here is the ultimate quote as to why one watches holiday movies incessantly:

"And that’s the thing about these movies. They practically invite you to heap scorn upon them, what with their chirpy leads, cookie-cutter plots, and earnest excitement for a season of corny family togetherness—earnestness, of course, being the quality that snark both hates and fears the most. But although I snorted at many hackneyed line readings and hokey montages over a long weekend spent watching nothing but Lifetime Christmas movies, I can’t deny that something strange started to happen. I kept coming up with excuses why I needed to watch the ending of a movie, even though I knew exactly what was going to happen. My mood was noticeably lifted after a day or two. The Christmas Setup even make me cry a little. “It’s just so nice,” I said out loud, to no one in particular."

And that said, tonight's Hallmark, Christmas On My Mind:

Lucy slips, hits her head, and somehow she's 2 years into the future where she and her fiance have broken up. WTF? Then why does she still have her wedding dress?

"You know, you were a lot more fun when you wore that ugly Christmas sweater to work."

What in God's name is an "eggnog waffle?"

I'm betting now this is some kind of in-a-coma, long-dream-sequence thing and at the end of the movie it goes all end of A Christmas Carol and she can still change things before they go bad.

Now she wears suits, lives in a fancy house in Portland, runs an art foundation, and hires a decorator to do her Christmas decorations. Oh, and she's engaged to a different dude. She left her phone at the dress shop and she ran out.. why?

Wait, how did Lucy go from home baked goods girl to "barely knows her way around the kitchen?" Now I'm thinking brainwashing.

Also, this time it's a New Year's Eve wedding....

The new best friend Anne accompanies her to find out what happened. She lights up when she meet Zach (original fiance's) brother. Awww. (This isn't really followed up on, sadly.)

The program Lucy used to run has been basically dead since she quit. Ouch. Also, Zach has a new girlfriend.

Lucy, just ASK ZACH WHY YOU BROKE UP. BE MORE SPECIFIC. I see y'all waddling around the topic and it just doesn't work.

Brad shows up, which is good fiance behavior, at least.

"Just be yourself, who ever that is, and see how you feel!" is Anna's advice. Meanwhile, Brad and Zach (note: Zach's family runs a Christmas tree farm) politely debate bristles. Morgan the girlfriend wants to go to Napa, Zach pleads work. Lucy asks Brad why she couldn't run a kids' program and he is basically all "you're too busy."

There is a snowman decorating contest. With PRE-MADE, PERFECTLY ROUND SNOWMEN. This seems like cheating, Hallmark.

Lucy, please, just ask some people (besides Brad, to be fair, she did ask him on the kids thing) why you did stuff. I feel like odds are fairly good you might have mentioned why you did things to someone.

Brad is a good fiance #2: he's putting the wedding on hold. "I'm a nice guy," he says. How did they get together? Bonding over constantly working late and getting sushi.

Lucy is NOT going to push Zach for details as to why they broke up. Uh..... I get that he doesn't want to talk about it and you don't want to hurt his feelings, but that is some Need To Know right now.

There is a contest in which guys have to guess which pie the ladies made. This seems incredibly retro like those "bid on a lunch basket" things. Also, guess who got the pies wrong. "I thought you loved pecan!" Madison is piiiiiiiiissed, like "I am leaving this party right now" pissed.

Why did Lucy stop baking during the last three months of their relationship? She gets up the nerve to ask about that and he answers, "I guess you thought it wasn't a priority any more."
Brad says this isn't working....because she wants to set up the children's art booth. THIS IS WHY YOU BREAK UP? This movie is so odd. He said they had "instant friendship" when they met,, this is rather sad. That said, this is Bill Pullman in Sleepless in Seattle level breakup. She asks why there's no kids art program and he says she decided not to. Madison likewise takes the hint and vamooses.

Honestly, I am getting really bored with "But my foundation! But whyyyyyyyyyy doesn't it have an arts program?" Good lord, woman, just quit already, or insist on starting one, fish or cut bait already.

Seriously, as far as I can tell, Lucy broke up with her fiance, moved out of town, got another job, went corporate in her wardrobe and decorations, got a new best friend and engaged to someone else and gave up a job she loved. SOME KIND OF GIANT SHIT MUST HAVE HAPPENED TO SET OFF THAT KIND OF LIFE BOMB REMAKEOVER.... and yet call it a hunch that when I find out what it actually was, it will be a fizzle and I am gonna be "all that dram for nothing?" I say this an hour 40 minutes into the movie, for the record.

Bo the brother tells Zach to spit it out and JUST TELL HER ALREADY. Good job, Bo. But when he tries, she blows it off. OH FFS. Finally he spits it out: Zach broke up with her because she was fixated on what to do with her aunt's foundation, apparently. "You let me feel like I broke YOUR heart?!" "You gave up on us." She stomps out, for good this time! Well, okay, getting dumped is at least a fairly good reason to stomp off and change your life.
Zach found his ugly sweater.

"It took me forgetting who I was to remember who I am. Who I am is better with you." That's a good kiss there. "I'm not letting you go again. Awwww. Well...that was kinda weak in the writing, I gotta say. Also disappointed it wasn't like, a magical plot.

The Mistletoe Promise:

Hey, carolers, maybe don't assault people in the food court? That is obnoxious even for Hallmark. No, seriously, they are ganging up on poor bastards sitting there. "Earbuds, don't leave home without them!" the second assaultee says cheerfully.

I get the feeling that Nick here expects the worst for working in family law without a wifey-poo at home. But hey, he can make partner! And get a candy cane! "I know what those candy canes mean!" And they always pick someone who's married with a family! Bring the girlfriend! But you don't have a girlfriend! How hard can it be?

I feel like the girl in this movie (Elise) is Poor Woman's Portia di Rossi, as she's dressed circa Ally McBeal days. Also, who is sicko enough to put a giant poster of your ex's new girlfriend in your office? Seriously? Girl's about to have a nervous breakdown in November. "Just breathe and think of January."

"Please just tell me she's weirdly overweight." --the rival partner guy of course has a pregnant wife. Okay, only in Hallmark do I ever see people insisting that their employees be married. Is this a thing still going on in the 2010's/20's?

Cutting back on charity travel packages. Um, this is a thing that exists?

"Christmas rarely goes well for me." "We should start a club." Elise and Nick meet in the mall. I miss malls. "Founding members of the Christmas Phobia Club." So wait, Elise's ex is her business partner? Who brings his new girlfriend as the weathergirl? "Drew can't even find the ladies' room without Google Maps. She was a professional car model." Uh-oh, Elise is LOSING IT. If I started acting like that (i.e. brittle cheery) I'd be getting a talking-to from management immediately. Apparently this is all his method of torturing her to get her to sell out. WTF. "You need something to look forward to," her friend Holly says about dating again. I concur Elise could use something to look forward to, but most people don't think dating is that.

Ah well, she can hang with Nick at the food court. Nick is a "Christmas jinx." "What if we made an arrangement to socially navigate Christmas together? You seem nice and normal." YOU MEAN LIKE A....HOLIDATE?!?! Her response: "Thank you. you don't seem normal at all." "If you could ask Santa for anything at all, what would you ask?" "To have the clock roll forward to New Year's." They pose with Santa. Elise draws Drew the girlfriend as Secret Santa. "I need some guy friends, they would totally get it," Nick says to his assistant. They literally have a contract drawn up for this.

Elise tells Holly she met Nick at the food court. "Elise, no! We don't date retail after 30! They're predatory!" "I don't have a boyfriend, I have a...romantic interest." Nick's firm actually sounds really...nice? Not all about the moniez? I unfortunately need to point out that she co-owns a travel agency. This movie is from 2016, but even then...

Anyway, she doesn't really need him or the girlfriend, but he won't sell out and neither will she. Poor Nick: once upon a time, he was about to make partner, then discovered that one of the partners had illegal conflicts of interest. he got fired and blackballed for bringing it up. His current boss was the only one who would take a chance on him. AWWW. They feel bad for lying.

Her ex gave his present to Drew--with her name on it--to her one year. UGHHHH THIS GUYYYYYYYYY. There is an office snowman contest at her work. One of the few requirements: Christmas theme. "A snowman in a Halloween costume would be hilarious." Damn right. Ruh-rohl, Dan just took a photo of Nick's license plate. "So you survived Holly." "She said she knows people and I will never be found if I hurt you." "That's my girl." They won for...making the entire travel staff, I guess? They didn't spend much time on this. Drew and Dan pout. "Are we losing our Christmas phobia natures? Because I had that figgy pudding song stuck in my head...."

His dad ditched them on Christmas when he was six. OY. WOW, Nick found out that Dan had his plates run and Nick found out about it and called him out. DAMN. Then Nick offers to help Drew learn how to memorize things. She happily accepts. NICK HAS A PLAN for Drew's TV and wants to see Elise's contract with Dan. Alas, Drew gets stage fright and Elise has to step in. (What did Nick do to Drew? He seemed like he was being nice.) Dan, in retaliation, emails everyone "The Mistletoe Contract." (Lucky for Nick this didn't happen to him) Anyway, they go to his business party, Nick tells the story of how they met (vaguely), she freaks about the contract later. NICK SERIOUSLY JUST OUTED THE WHOLE SCHEME AT A BUSINESS DINNER. And then says that marriage isn't the only way to promote goodness in the world. Else backs him up and then walks out. Nick follows. Everyone wants them to come back to the table, but Elise declines. Elise decides to give in and let Dan have the business, her bestie will go with. His boss called it "the best run for partner he'd ever seen" and gave it to Nick. Nick made snowmen in the yard.

I think this is the best fake dating thing I've watched? Very cute and sweet.

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