Chaos Attraction

Life Playlist

2007-12-15, 10:02 p.m.

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Whee! I am posting from the free wireless internet at the place we're staying at in Grass Valley tonight. Will post more on that later...just trying to get a pre-written post up tonight while things are quiet.

Prompt from awhile back: "What are a few songs that would provide the soundtrack to your life and why?"

Well, coincidentally, I have an entire playlist in iTunes of these...

First, I'll just list (but not talk about) the songs where uh, it's pretty self-explanatory why I might relate to it:

* Anything But Ordinary.
* Walls.
Needy Girl.
* Love Stinks.
* Addicted to Love.
* Losing My Religion.

Songs that require slightly more explanation:
* No Good For Me. Generally how my love life goes.
* Brand New Day. Ditto.
* Life Got In The Way. I think of this as the "why things ended with Dave" song.
* Everything You Want. This sums up almost every date I have ever been on, i.e. "I should like you, but I totally don't and I don't know why." I was dating another one of those guys when I first heard it.
* From New York to L.A. Really, this is more of a "I wish my life was like this song..."
* Bad Reputation. I just really like this one. I tend to like guys who have more of a bad reputation in their pasts than I ever had.
* Mill City. I can't say that my experience in going to a professional of that nature was remotely similar to this, but I have always liked the sentiments in it.

Okay, here's the top three, with some lyric quoting!

* Oblivion. I love Shannon Campbell (see above), I am sad she doesn't perform any more (though I am glad her entire body of work is online again).

"but I can't shake free
of the feeling that I've come undone
that I fought my demons and the demons won
that I can't put my faith in anyone
anyone but me

but all my heroes are dead and gone
and my excuses are wearing thin"

Amen to all of that. Uh, yes, that's why I'm in therapy. I have been listening to this song a LOT lately.

* The Tower. The Tower card in tarot is a big motif with me, and from the ages of 18-29, I didn't seem to go very long in life without having some kind of big unexpected event or drama eruption going on around me all the @#$@#$ time. Ever since The Big Death went down, my drama magnetism seems to have gone down, though. I have friends having marital drama, and there's the crap with Ron and Laurie, and now Uncle Bruce, but considering that I can actually go a few weeks at a time without drama erupting, and most of it isn't MY specific problem... well, yay for calmer life there.

Not that this song is exactly about being a drama magnet, but I figured I should explain that one.

"I need not to need
Or else a love with intuition
Someone who reaches out to my weakness
And won't let go
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow"

Yeah. That's the dilemma for me, in a nutshell. One option or the other, all or nothing.

If I could get rid of the inner needy, I'd be a happy girl. I stay in the tower now to make sure I'm not acting that way.

My top theme song, however, is Jenny Says. It's just funny how fitting these random lyrics are to me considering that I don't know the people in this band.

Especially appropriate:

"The ties that bind are tearing me apart

You beat yourself up to bring yourself down
Let it go, let it go, let it go
Let it go, let it go, let it go
When the world keeps coming down on me
I let it go

I've got no reason for the things I say
She turned toward me then she turned away
There's lots of voices in a modern world
They take their toll upon a modern girl
I've got no reason for the things I fear
The things that plague me when I see and hear

You beat yourself up 'cause you love it"

And oh, yes, I do love it.

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