It's Not A Wonderful Life
2010-12-19, 10:27 a.m.
So, it is pouring ass rain today (good thing I got all the errands done yesterday), so I am sitting home in my pajamas, and I'm finishing off the last of the holiday television episodes on Hulu.
Bones: So, after yesterday's entry, man, I didn't need to see that. 42 minutes of what I can only call SINGLE SHAMING. Just in time for the holidays, even though technically it wasn't a Christmas episode.
(The plot: some doctor gets found dead in a tree(?) in a bad neighborhood. Brennan suddenly thinks the dead doctor lady is HER and starts freaking the shit out. Enrico Colatoni wanders in every other five minutes to deliver bad Latin and "So, I heard at this lecture at the Jeffersonian..." and it was so weird and off that I was expecting them to reveal that HE'S AN ANGEL at the end of the episode. Which would have not been utterly out of the question for this show when they had Booth and Brennan see a ghost.)
But seriously, the episode is all, OMG SHE WAS ALONE AND NOBODY NOTICED SHE WAS GONE! Because she was SINGLE! And HAD NO FRIENDS! And only cared about her job! And the bitch would NOT date that helicopter pilot guy who kept asking her out! IF ONLY SHE'D GIVEN HIM A CHANCE SHE MIGHT HAVE LIVED! Because she was KINDA passively/aggressively SUICIDAL and would do stupid shit like be a white girl going out to a black neighborhood in the middle of the night to go buy heroin she doesn't even use! Or attempt to "accidentally" fall out of a helicopter when one of her patients died.
Wait, WHAT?!?! Who the hell thought this episode up, and can I hurt them, please?
Oh yeah, and if creepy helicopter guy was sooooo in love with her, HE DIDN'T NOTICE SHE WAS GONE EITHER? Hmmmm? (Even Booth was all, "Stop making creepy eyes at my partner" when this guy went on.) I think there might have been a reason why the dead doctor didn't give this guy a chance, because he was oh, kinda oogy. Okay, so I'm kinda influenced by my real life here, but it is incredibly annoying to be whined at to give someone a chance when uh, there might be a good reason NOT to do so. Which, of course, the episode doesn't get into because Lauren the dead doctor is dead and can't SAY that she found him oogy. Yes, we're all aware that just because we're single, we are forced to take whoever's interested in us no matter how we feel about them...oh, wait, NOT.
Anyway, the point of the episode is to beat Brennan's head in about how she should have boinked Booth when she had the chance, except NOW HE HAS TWUE WUV WITH HANNAH, like I care. I see no point in giving a shit about Hannah anyway, when it will probably end like this trope. They write the character bizarrely anyway, so I don't find her someone I'd want to keep around (other than gazing at her hair) if she wasn't glued to Booth.
Look, I am not a B/B shipper by any means. They're fun to watch hang out together, sure, but I actively don't want them to couple up. This is pretty much because (a) Brennan was happily childfree before this shipping crap came up and I enjoyed that (again, personal bias, I don't see this much IRL or on TV), (b) Booth the Good Catholic is obviously the sort who would insist on having a bunch of rug rats, (c) that would make a relationship between them doomed UNLESS someone changed HER mind, so then they flirted with the idea of her having his baby, and then (d) I was utterly squicked out because it's harder to find more non-nurturing females out there than me, but she's one of them, and I am mentally creeped out and horrified at the idea of watching Brennan with a baby. So basically I don't want them together because I don't want to watch her be a wire monkey mother. As far as I'm concerned, the show can drag this shit out forever. I just don't see why now they felt compelled to do a "shame Brennan for saying no and being single" episode when right now, it's not like she can get together with Booth anyway. You Learned A Lesson And Now It Is Too Late! The chains of singlehood are upon you!.... yes, it was starting to remind me of the old chestnut A Christmas Carol a bit.
This leads me to my second holiday review show, Psych's Christmas episode, in which Shawn gets way busted, gets put on "indefinite suspension" AND gets his dad canned, which leads into the inevitable Christmas Carol episode. Except Christmas Past Angel Whatever is uh, this black short guy you've seen in many a dicey movie. And after the requisite "Shawn's dad has nothing to live for so he's fat and on the couch and not bathing" vignette, we switch to... Gus's life as the world's worst black sitcom. (Oh, and there's a "black" snowman that well... looks like it was made out of poo. Figures on this show.) And then we switch to the Santa Barbara PD, where Chief Vick has turned into a hot n' sexy Frau Fraubissima-sort and Lassiter runs the PD with a lot of bars and he runs around in his Civil War reenactment costume again. Wait, what? And then it turns into an amusement park ride, followed by an episode of TJ Hooker where Juliet has really good hair in Miami. (Oh, btw, Shawn claims not to have seen A Christmas Carol or It's A Wonderful Life.) Actually, considering that they like, go back to solving the actual case for awhile in the middle and stuff like that... okay, it wasn't terrible. Not terribly good, mind you, but I've seen it done worse.