Jezebel semi-finals link. And finals link. CHRISTMAS SHOES WINS FOREVER.
Some years I am really into collecting the holiday tunes. Other years, I am lazy or busy making useless gifts or something and don't get around to it so much. Well, this year I got most of the made gifts done early, so I've had plenty of free time on my hands to look for holiday horrorz to add to the collection.
Let me introduce you to Songs I Met This Holiday Season. Or more specifically, Songs I Haven't Already Mentioned In Previous Entries This Holiday Season.
* Grandma's Christmas Dinner. "This Christmas, Grandma cooked the dog." That is all you need to know in order to figure out if you love or hate this song, I think. Though I'm linking to the sign language video of this, so that's extra fun.
* The Billy Goat. WHAT THE SMACK KIND OF HOLIDAY SONG IS THIS?!?!
* Christmas Griping by R.E.M. Mmm, homicide feelings.
* Shouldn't Have Given Him A Gun For Christmas. Wins for chorus that gets stuck in your head. Between this one and "Don't Shoot Me Santa," I got inspired to make a "Violent Christmas" mix.
* You Ain't Getting Shit For Christmas. Wow. The pain and agony in this one. And yet, we all sympathize.
* She Named The Pony Jesus. This is... some kind of Christmas Shoes parody, I guess?
* Hanukkah Gloves. Definitely a Christmas Shoes parody.
* A Christmas Duel. Wow, this is pretty prizeworthy. And you thought you had fighting issues.
* Carol of the Bells by Dan Hicks and the Hot Licks. If you just listen to it straight, it's kind of odd but not shockingly so. But if you watch the video... Oh my, the animation. I don't even know, you guys.
Scary Fucked Up Christmas When you're high, or not high, or anything at all...I love Garfunkel and Oates!
December Is For Cynics. Self-explanatory.
This year, I've made three mix CD's for other folks's consumption. My mom is getting a CD of nothing but versions of Last Christmas, so there's no need to go over that.
I made a "naughty" mix and a "nice" mix for my coworkers. The ladies are getting the "nice" mix, while the gentleman, who likes insane novelty music as much as I do (we tend to pass each other stuff like Richard Cheese), gets the "naughty." Here's the choice songs I put on each. You probably won't have heard of most of the "nice" mix, since my goal there was to pick out nice Christmas music that nobody's heard sixty billion times. You can probably find most of the Naughty Mix on YouTube videos or the "Merry Shitmas" post on Regretsy, though, should you care to look for the ones I didn't post links for.
The Twelve Days of Christmas-- Twin Peaks Cast ("On the first day of Christmas, I found a body, wrapped in plastic."
Christmas Rhapsody -- Pledge Drive (Parody of "Bohemian Rhapsody."
Christmas Conga-- Cyndi Lauper
Minnie and Santa-- Cyndi Lauper (I put a lot of Cyndi Lauper on this, because holy shit, this woman needs to answer for a lot.)
Back Door Santa-- Clarence Carter
I Was Santa Claus At The School House (For The P.T.A.)-- Yogi Yorgesson
Ringo Remembers Christmas 1979 (in which Paul writes a horrendously dirty song... joke skit)
December Is For Cynics-- The Matches
A Christmas Duel -- The Hives and Cyndi Lauper
You Ain't Getting Shit For Christmas--Red Peters (Here commences the "bitter family section.")
Merry Christmas From The Family-- Jill Sobule
TurDuckEn-- Matt Brocchini (Here commences the "food" section.)
Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire (self-explanatory there)
Grandma's Christmas Dinner-- Paul and Storm
The Billy Goat-- Refreshments (This is a Christmas song?!?!)
Christmas Griping-- REM (Here commences the "shooting section." Seriously. I was originally going to make this a "Violent Christmas" mix with nothing but shooting, but then I would have had to resort to using songs written about terrorists.)
The Night Santa Went Crazy-- Weird Al Yankovic
Don't Shoot Me Santa-- The Killers
Shouldn't Have Given Him A Gun For Christmas-- Wall of Voodoo
Happy Holidaze -- Bootsy Collins feat. Snoop Dogg (because this fellow loves the bad Christmas rap)
Christmas With You Is The Best-- The Long Winters
Tiny Tree Christmas-- Guster (I especially like this given my collection)
Perfect Gift-- Natalie Hemby
Got Something For You-- Best Coast
My First Christmas (With You)-- The Taters
The Grassy Knoel-- Lawsuit (Thanks, Bev, for posting that a few days ago and reminding me that's a holiday tune)
On This Winter's Night-- Lady Antebellum
Snow Is Falling-- Darker My Love
It's Christmas-- Coconut Records
Star Of Wonder-- Tori Amos (This is the only "standard" on here, but it was a different enough version to make the album.)
Shimmy Down The Chimney (Fill Up My Stocking)-- Alison Krauss (Uh...maybe I shouldn't have put this one on? But the singing is pretty.)
I Was Thinking I Could Clean Up For Christmas-- Aimee Mann (Ditto. It's about drugs, right?)
A Hard Candy Christmas-- Dolly Parton
Christmas Isn't Christmas-- The Boy Least Likely To
Super Mama (Supermom)-- The Pinker Tones
Christmas Is Going To The Dogs-- Eels
A Five Pound Box Of Money-- Pearl Bailey
I Want An Alien For Christmas-- The Kustard Kings
Present Face-- Garfunkel and Oates
I Wanna Rock You Hard This Christmas-- The Dan Band
In actual news today:
(a) I am feeling kinda short on gifts for Mom again-- or at least she already picked out her gifts, knows what they are, is wearing one around town right now, etc. The only one she doesn't know everything about is the Last Christmas CD, and she knows she has a CD but not what it is yet. (She keeps asking about the "nice" mix, but I don't know if any of that is to her tastes. She did have me make Mauricio a "naughty" mix though.)
But I thought of a brilliant one for this year: yarn-made Mickey Mouse Ears. Since the original sorts don't tend to actually stay on your head so much, and it'll be cold, why not a yarn one? I did not find a pattern for adult ears, but I think I can make one if I do it in crochet and fudge from a few patterns. I just hope I have black yarn around the house or else I'll be in trouble or need to go back to Michael's again in a hurry.
(b) I ran into a casual friend today (Dawn-- doubt I've mentioned her in here, I met her through Monica, who I probably haven't mentioned here much either other than the Halloween party) who volunteered to babysit me in a Zipcar while I drove. Awesome! We're plotting a trip to Folsom in the new year.
(c) This is an awesome read.
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