Okay, I'm going to really try to do this damn meditation thing.

I tried looking through the Experimental College course catalog for the winter to see if they had a class. They did, but it's being held in East Bumfuck late at night, and it isn't worth it to me to have to spend a long-ass time coming home in the cold and dark from that.
I did, however, find a class called Finding Your True Self that sounded like it was right up my alley:

"Are you tired, overloaded, worried or frustrated? Do you struggle to nurture yourself? Does your life feel out of control? Do you spend much of your time pleasing others? Are you ready to change but don't know where to start? Join us for Finding Your True Self."

It's on Thursday nights, and I'm free then. I will be signing up.

But back on the meditation thing... I decided to see if anyone else felt the way I do on the topic, by Googling "I hate meditation." This did not get me what I was looking for, exactly- nobody actually hates meditation, but there is "meditating to not hate", or whatever. However, I did hit a link or two that led me to a site called (oh, the humor in that) meditationiseasy.com. I can't say I relate to most of it, but there were some varieties of meditation that I actually, dare I say it, thought I might relate to, or at least didn't suck. And this one actually sounds kind of fun and more up my alley. I also went around trying the breathe-deeply exercises today while at work and wandering around doing errands, and it surprisingly worked.

I really need some uninterrupted point in time before I go to the parents's (that isn't at 1 a.m. or something) where I can try some of this stuff out. I'm not holding my breath on that, though.

For the rest of this entry, I'm going to be quoting liberally from some horoscopes. Mostly from Susan Miller's "The Year 2005," which I have been going around reading to various people since I got it. Heather was reading through it last night to her old roommate Erin (who was visiting- both are Sags) and was pretty blown away by the past assessments. I have to say I was too. Most of the signs that I've read through in the book (Gemini, Leo, Libra, Pisces, Sags) sound like they'll be having a pretty dang happy year- the overall approach to the book is, "Not a lot's going to go wrong, hooray!" Though I have to say that I'm depressed that all Sags are apparently definitely going to move away this year unexpectedly. Well, I knew Heather would now that she's out of school + she has a boyfriend who's dying to shack up and/or get married and live in cheapcheapcheap Sac, and Jess has been vaguely considering it, but... dammit, then I'll be left all alone! Wah! Nooooo!

Anyway, you'll see why I'm posting these snippets...

"The past two years have been a watershed period for you. Events you hadn't expected forced you to look at your life in a completely new way. You were also called upon to make a number of adjustments- you were happy to do some of them, but less enthusiastic about others." True enough, eh?

"In 2005 things will settle down, and with the most difficult work mainly over by mid-year you will be able to start enjoying your new life. You have many fabulous reasons to be excited and optimistic about your year ahead.
The shifts you have experienced lately were brought on in large part by a handful of eclipses that fell in Taurus and in your opposite sign of Scorpio. These eclipses date back to May 2003 and came by every six months thereafter, specifically in November 2003, May 2004 and October 2004. If you think back, you probably had to respond to a sudden change in at least one main area of life during this time.
Your career, a close relationship or your home could have been at issue, or you may have experienced health difficulties." Let's see: fear of getting laid off, breakup, house aflooded, pneumonia and my hair falling out! "Your self-image was undergoing a vast transformation and and as a result you may have decided to also change your outward appearance." (/me checks hair color. Yup, that changed.)
"Eclipses are the most dramatic and powerful tools that the universe uses to create sudden, meaningful change; because the eclipses in recent years were focused on Taurus and Scorpio, your life was bound to be transformed. Anything in your life that wasn't securely tacked down probably flew off the walls." (Or got drowned, eh?) "However, the eclipses were your friends, for they enabled you to address areas that truly needed your attention but that you had overlooked." I suppose I can't argue with that.
"You have to deal with only one more eclipse, set to arrive on April 24, 2005, and then you will be done with all these sweeping changes. It seems that this eclipse will be friendlier than the ones that came before.
As a Taurus, you like to take your own sweet time in planning your life, but eclipses do not always allow you that luxury. I sympathize, dear Taurus- nobody likes to feel pushed by an insistent universe. While everyone of every sign was feeling the effects of these recent lunar and solar events, other signs were experiencing them in gentler forms. Because the eclipses were in Taurus, everything felt more personal to you." So in other words, I was the universe's buttmonkey?
"As you enter 2005, you may still be recovering from at least one upheaval that occurred over the past two years. You seem to have certain debris to clean up related to finances or possessions, or you may still need to come to terms with a certain relationship. Major changes usually take time to sort out." Ain't that the truth.
"There is one more eclipse that will fall in the Taurus/Scorpio family, and it will arrive on April 24, 2005. If you are an April-born Taurus, you will feel this eclipse more strongly than if you are a May-born Taurus."
"This eclipse will be a full moon lunar eclipse in your opposite sign of Scorpio. Signs opposite yours on the horoscope wheel will almost always accent a close relationship, whether personal or professional in nature."
The last eclipse for Taurus is due on April 24, 2005- a lunar full moon eclipse in Scorpio, highlighting relationships and those born on that date."
If you were born on April 24, you will notice this eclipse. You will go through a number of lifestyle changes in the birthday year that follows. Eclipses can bring good news, however, so don't worry. In any event, you should be prepared to see something end and something else begin.
"Luckily, at this time Venus in Taurus will send a big kiss to surprise-a-minute Uranus, so you may meet someone in a very flirtatious context." (Hah. I don't flirt. I don't think so.)

I have to clarify this bit, and for that, I'll point you to this page, which is pretty much reprinted in the book.

"Eclipses are dramatic "wild cards" in our horoscopes. They shake us up so that we can move from one level of evolution and maturity to another, higher phase, fairly rapidly.
Eclipses bring news of life's big events: a birth of a baby, a marriage, a promotion or career breakthrough, important travel, the signing of a vital business deal, the start of one's own business, the sale or purchase of a house, a cross country move, the acquisition of a family pet (or loss of one), surgery or see an important health development, college graduation (or the eclipse may mark the start of study), divorce, publishing a book, and so forth. Monumental meetings and breakups or changes on one's job are also common on eclipse dates. No matter what occurs, it will become evident that the universe is intent on moving you forward.
Events that follow an eclipse have more weight than events brought on by a normal new or full moon. In fact, an eclipse is like a turbo-new or full moon-it packs much more energy and punch. An eclipse may even bring on an event that seems "fated". Eclipses always bring unexpected changes of direction if you have a planet that will be touched.
If an eclipse falls on your birthday, the year that follows certainly will be quite eventful. You may experience a big change in lifestyle or in one specific part of your chart.
With all eclipses, something ends and something else begins. During an eclipse period, you may feel like you are walking across a bridge to a brand new place, with no turning back from where you started. The door behind you latches, and locks. You can?t go back because after the eclipse you will know more and understand things that were never clear to you before. In that sense, you really can't go home again.
Eclipses can help you do things you never thought you could do. You may be offered a chance to write a book or to record an album, for example. Eclipses sometimes will open a door-one that was previously impossible to enter.
Eclipses play with our sense of time. They bring events that you assumed were months or years away, to your doorstep now."

So...as Heather summarized it, "Every other Taurus's life gets to calm down, EXCEPT YOURS."

Oy. I'm tired of chaos, dammit! It better be GOOD chaos changing, because I'm bloody tired of it all already.

Back to the book.

"In terms of love, you are becoming more interested in devoting quality time to dating or, if you are in an established relationship, to your partner." I'd disagree, except for, well... refrigerators. Sigh. "Jupiter, the planet that bestows cosmic goodies galore, will orbit your seventh house of commitment in late October, setting off a glorious thirteen-month period for one-on-one relationships. Jupiter usualy acts like Miracle-Gro on whatever it touches, so that means every Taurus, of every marital status, will benefit and see some startling developments, all of them brilliantly positive." Okay, positive. But I'll believe it when I see it.
"Jupiter's arrival in your seventh house will have the power to reverse a long and difficult downward trend for many Taurus who found that relationships were the most difficult part of their lives." Can't deny that's been going on. "If you have been saying to yourself, "When, oh when, am I going to meet the right one for me?" the answer could come sooner than you think- this year!" Again, I'll believe it when I see it.
"If your relationships have been dreary, worrisome or downright dreadful (mainly due to events brought on by recent eclipses), you have every reason to believe this bad cycle will end this year." I'd buy that, though abstaining from relationships would do the same thing, of course. So speaketh the single woman. "You seem ready to give love a chance, and this lovely attitude attests to your strong ability to bounce back from adversity, dear Taurus." Refrigerators aside, I don't feel THAT ready to "give love a chance." Though given the refrigerator issue... argh. Maybe I will be later. Oy. "If you are single, I don't know if the person you will be happy with is your present partner or a new one you will meet, but your chart suggests contentment is due, and that's what counts." Again... IBIWISI.

"If you suffered a disappointment or loss in a close relationship over the past few years, Jupiter's entry into your seventh house on October 25 should bring a terrific warming trend. Your optimism and confidence in knowing you can find, build and maintain a close relationship will return. The eclipses over the past two years that we discussed earlier tested the strength of your alliances. Strong relationships grew stronger and closer, but weak ones were likely to fall apart. There is no middle ground at eclipse time.
If you are single and thought you'd never feel the rush of love again, you are in for a sweet surprise.
Jupiter, the Great Benefic planet, will remain in your sector of marriage, commitment and serious relationships until the end of November 2006. Between now and then, you will meet romantic partners of substance. The partners you meet may be professionals (doctors, dentists, lawyers or teachers) or be self-made entrepreneurs. At any rate, those you meet will be types you can readily imagine as suitable partners. You will have a better chance now than you've ever had to find your one true love."

IBIWISI, big time.

I'll spare you the health stuff (fabulous) and the career stuff (which she thinks will be improving, but I know for fact won't be regardless of any horoscope), and mention one other thing, which is the only thing I'm absolutely sure will happen.

"As mentioned earlier, your home, property, or conversely, the care of a parent or other family member will take on more emphasis from July 2005 until September 2007. In July, Saturn will move to your fourth house of home, which will be more challenging."
"You may need to care for them or give them special advice during this period. If one of your parents is ill, you may want to invite them to live with you or you may move in with them temporarily."

Sigh. I'm still saying that happy schmoopy love and handicapped dying father are not two tastes that go great together here.

Though oddly enough, a rival site seems to agree with a good chunk of this assessment.

Mainly I'm just posting this for posterity, something to look back on in a year and think, "Yeah, that didn't happen, and that, and that..." Unless anything happens, in which case those playing the drinking game at home will chug your entire bottle o' booze along with me.

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