Chaos Attraction

Dreich Day

2015-12-21, 7:16 p.m.

Happy Yule, I guess. Today is a dreich day around here and I was sopping wet walking to work and it wasn’t even technically raining. The overall everything was somehow sopping wet. I then realized I had to go pick up a prescription today and go back out in the wet AGAIN.... so I went home, got my car, went over there, and then kept my car at work, reasonably betting they aren’t checking parking on the last few days of the year. And they did not. Huzzah.

Anyway, it’s the darkest day of the year and soaking wet to boot and I am cranky pants and I was all excited that my Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer sweater got here in time...and they sent me the wrong one. WHINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. While normally I wouldn’t mind a humping reindeer sweater, I can’t wear that to work so it won’t get out much and DAMMIT. Also didn’t want to go back to the post office, but guess what there. So I’m not happy about that. I was going to do an entry a la this one, but now I don’t have the heart to.

Anyway, work was thankfully quiet, I’m plotting what to make and wear to next year’s Dickens Fair, I got some library books and actually had the free time to watch The Best Christmas Pageant Ever in full online, and on a related note, here’s an article on six things people get wrong about the Christmas story. I wonder what the Herdmans would think of that?

In other wackadoodle movie reviews, I put Daddy Long Legs in my Netflix queue and somehow ended up with the 1919 silent movie version with Mary Pickford. What the heck is with this one? It’s very odd. Whoever wrote the screen captions is a giant hoot, but the plot itself takes a damned long time to get around to the actual book (like the first 43 minutes out of an hour and 25 minute movie is all orphan shenanigans), throws in some random girl as a rival to Judy, and you’re all.. hey, wait, where’s the book again?

But it’s got great quotes.

* “Misses Lippet, the matron, is this kind of a little posie.” POSIE? They then show a picture of a cactus.
* “Pansy Gumph, the matron’s right hand. The only bloom we can liken her to is (We offer our sincere apologies) a STINK WEED.”
* “The child of culture was christened Angelina Gwendolin Rosalind Wyckoff.”
* “All orphans look alike from any angle. Exhibit A, rear view.”
* “Three times a day the orphans faced their common enemy, the prune.”
* “The lives of us orphants is just one darn prune after another!”
* “P-R-U-N-E spells Prune / Eating them means our doom / Life’s too short and death too soon / To fill our tummies with the darn old Prune.”
* “Please, ma’am, we’ve dissolved not to eat no more prunes.”
* “Miss Pritchard, who is human even though she is a trustee.”
(shown with a heart around the text.)
* “If you’re a lady-I’m glad my mother was an ash can.” Presumably this is from Judy to Angelina, and then we see Judy shove her finger up her nose at her, trip her, and sneak off with the girl’s doll to give it to a sick girl to cough on.
* “This looks like a june bug, but it’s meant to be any trustee.” Finally, someone read the book!
* “Headquarters of Dan Cupid, un-LTD, World Dominion.” Um, what? We’re seeing baby cupids now? “It’s time Judy Abbott fell in love--attend to it immediately.” Yeah, because THAT's sure as hell how it works. So let’s meet the potential dudes:
* “Julia’s Uncle, Jarvis Pendleton, who would give his riches to anyone who would take his relatives too.”
* “Sally’s brother, Jimmie McBride, a Princeton freshman who just hates himself.”

* Cut to the baby cupids, pouting. “I’m sorry, but my arrow went right through Jimmie McBride and stuck in Jarvis Pendleton.”
* “You’ve probably started another of those darn triangle things that will end in the divorce court.”
* “Evidently there is one girl who doesn’t bore Jimmie”
* “Hello--what’s Foxy Grandpa doing here? I thought he was safe in the Old Men’s Home.”

* Oh, somehow Judy goes on a picnic with both guys and some other dude comes up with a gun to drag Jimmie away for his car? Huh? “Come again, Jimmie, when you can’t stay so long!”
* Judy asks Jarvis to be her GRANDMOTHER?! “I forgot the difference in our ages.”
* “Love is a bad habit--it’s much safer to have the measles--they ain’t near as painful.”

* After Judy writes a book called “The Tragedy of Love,” here’s the screen quote: “The publishers do not appreciate the tragedy of love.”
* Judy goes to a fancy party and runs into Angelina again. “Angie devoted the evening to making it pleasant(?) for Judy.”
* “Yes--I love you, Judy, and I’ll be your grandmother--if I may be your husband, too.”
* “The big moment of Judy’s life is robbed of its joy, for her soul is garbed in the hated gingham of the orphanage.”
* “Even the weather weeps in sympathy.”

* The show finishes with a kissing scene-filming the back of Jarvis’s chair while Judy’s legs thrash up and down a lot. The end.

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