Chaos Attraction

Mama Mama Ereader Drama

2010-12-22, 7:56 p.m.

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(Title inspired by this.)

So, hey! I've got lots of holiday drama to report!

1. Tuesdays are my regular shrink appointment days. We either do it by phone or in person. Now, December has not been a good month for her, what was her own holiday drama/going out of town, and then having surgery on Monday. She said she'd let me know yesterday morning if she was up to doing phone or not, to which I was all, "Okay, you're really good at sucking it up most of the time, but after surgery? You're so not doing it." Sure enough, I did not hear from her that day, which didn't surprise me, I figured she was too whacked out on drugs to even be awake. I wasn't fazed.

She called me briefly today to see how things were going, since she was briefly surfacing from the whacked out painkiller sleep or whatever. It was pretty amusing. So I filled her in on the "Mom MIGHT come to my house" idea. Shrink said, "Eh, what's the point of planning? She's gonna do what she wants anyway." (I think the family motto, if one existed, would be, "I'm going to do what I want, and FUCK YOU.") Shrink asked how Mom was dealing with the idea of me driving (not well, what a surprise! Oh wait, not), stuff like that. And then I asked her, what should I do about the stupid ereader drama. And shirnk was all, "Just give her what she wants so she gets off your back. If it requires you spending a lot of money to shut her up, FINE."

2. So at lunch, I called Mauricio to see if he'd gotten her an ereader yet. He was pretty much feeling the same way as I am about the subject.Okay, so I'm pissed at the idea of being asked to spend a lot of money on her to prove my love by buying her something she'll never touch and he's not, but even he said that he'd be pretty ticked if he came over to the house and found the ereader sitting around in a pile of junk in the house like everything else. He hasn't bought her anything yet, has no idea what the hell one to get or if she should just get an iTouch or what the hell ever. (Actually, an iPhone would probably solve the whole problem because she already has AT&T and she'd probably read electronic books if they were attached to her beloved phone, but she'd freak about the net access payment and already has a contract with her current POS phone.) He said he was planning on going to the mall tonight and would call me later.

3. At 1 p.m. I got a phone call from Mom, saying that she made reservations for us at an Italian restaurant in SF. WELL, THANK GAWD. She was so proud of herself. Though she's made reservations before and then bailed the night before or day of (see last Christmas and Thanksgiving), so this is still likely to be canceled at any minute, don't get my hopes up, etc.

4. Then she was all, "Did you talk to Mauricio today?" Geez, word gets around fast here. She then proceeded to ask me questions about various ereaders that I knew nothing about ("Kohl's offers one!" Uh, why?), and I was all, "Why don't you just go to a big store where they have options and aren't obligated to sell you the only machine that exists in their store?" So now she and him are going to Best Buy after work to do what the fuck ever.

Update, 8 p.m.:

5. Well, they have decided on the ultimate machine that Mom will surely use!... the fucking iPad.

Or as Mauricio told me, "We only have to pay $238 a head."

Excuse me?

Right, it's bad enough you want us to spend a few hundred on an ereader, and then you jump on ahead TO THE FUCKING IPAD FOR SIX HUNDRED SOMETHING? Again, odds are very high this thing will SIT AROUND HER HOUSE GATHERING DUST.

I was gobsmacked. I couldn't think of how to say, "Oh for fuck's sake" to that. I finally came out with, "I don't HAVE $238 on DECEMBER 22."

That got them gobsmacked, followed by, "Well, we can get it later" and "I hear Target is going to have a sale on Apple products after Christmas. Ten percent off!"

I put in a call to my shrink and wrote this entry, and now that I'm done I'm gonna go hit my head against a wall now.


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