Chaos Attraction

Post-Pissy Christmas

2003-12-27, 8:51 p.m.

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Well, the day was a vast improvement from the eve, but then again, anything would have been.

Once I finally fessed up that I'd figured out the Santa thing, things just haven't been the same. And this time, it really wasn't. Mom spent most of the morning on the phone with relatives telling them what the assholes said. My grandma in particular was really pissed and said she wanted to tell them off, but there's no need to worry about that when she couldn't even remember what her Christmas gifts were.

The afternoon, well, Mom spent it scrambling in the kitchen making food, and I ran around helping her. Much to my relief, she was doing much worse in the kitchen than I was and managed to end up throwing cranberries across the entire kitchen TWICE. I said this made me feel a lot better. Anyway, I never made it to the computer to do the reindeer entries (but it looks like most folks didn't either, so I felt better). As for present opening, I was the only one that got through with opening gifts by the time we had to leave by 3:30. Dad got through a few and Mom didn't get through any at all, no time. I told her it was sad that I was actually patient enough to not harass her incessantly to let me open presents this year. Being an adult at Christmas surely does suck.

My presents, incidentally:

(a) Lots of jewelry

(b) Sweaters and those lovely velvet cargo pants

(c) Bath gel (I could swim in vats of my bath gel, eh?)

(d) Italian charm bracelet watch

(e) Margaret Cho and Love Actually CD's

(f) Back to the Future DVD's

(g) Books.

Incidentally, I read my horoscope that morning and it was "Traveling to see loved ones is rewarding, but avoid hot topics. This is not a time to reveal secrets." I read this to Mom and she said, "Don't tell 'em you're pregnant."

I called Dave when we were leaving and of course spewed all the nastiness from yesterday. His mom heard a bit of it (she was hanging around the phone and occasionally yelling something about how I should be there) and ahem, she was not pleased. Dave was speechless for a few seconds and then said "Oh my god." He said to not tell anyone else in his family or I'd get kidnapped for next year whether I wanted to be or not. Oy. Anyway, it sounded like his was going better and that it was a damned good thing he hadn't been there that night. "I wouldn't have said anything. I would have just hit them." He is DEFINITELY not meeting them unless I'm forced at gunpoint to introduce them.

As usual, Christmas Day at Tammy's was a lot better, mainly because there were more people around and children to distract them from rude comments. Les did the old "so, got a boyfriend? Is it serious?" but laid off after a few questions. I still think he could have restrained himself from asking if "everything came out okay" after I went to the can, though. Tammy apparently really liked the jewelry I made her (I am not so sure about Auntie Dumbass), so that was a yay. The kids got enormous vatloads of presents.

Much to my relief, Justin is still a sweet little boy and not turning into a macho asshole. I got to see the infamous ATV, and yes, he rides it. (It sounds like Connor, on the other hand, is. On Christmas Eve we heard a lovely story about how he is 3 years old and learning how to box, so he hit a kid at school and later punched Amanda in the face. Oh ho ho ho, that's so hilarious.) And Jessica is still cute, even a year later. She had on a great dress and later was goofing around with me, playing with my jewelry, going after my book because it had a pearl necklace on the cover (No Way To Treat A First Lady, which is a good one), running around, very adorable. If I had to have kids at gunpoint, I'd want a set like theirs, even if they are so stereotypically Boy and Girly Girl. "Oh, Jessica's such a good mommy!" Man, she's two and half the time she drops the baby doll on the floor.

Though I felt very sorry for Tammy and Les, with Tammy saying she got up at 5:30 a.m. every day and Justin refuses to sleep in past 7 and her hair is falling out and she's constantly tired. Plus she said "fuck you" to Les right in front of me when he was sitting around and she was in the kitchen. Yeah, that's so selling me on having babies Right Now, Auntie Dolores.

When we finally got to leave, we went home and opened our own gifts around 1 a.m. or so. Both parents seemed to be quite delighted with theirs, and Mom said I'd gone all out and she felt bad that she hadn't bought as much as she normally does. I said I was just trying to make up for her spending so much and I never can do as much. She thought the reindeer was cute, liked her jewelry, was happy to get the West Wing and Love Actually soundtrack back from me (she'd asked if she could copy my CD earlier...'uh, sure mom'). Dad seemed to like his hat and scarf. Yay. For once, no present stress!

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