2020-12-28, 7:19 p.m.
recently on Chaos Attraction
Vacation, Day 10:
Other Activities: None, really. I should call management about the kitchen, but did not. GOD, I DON'T WANT TO. I'm sick of asking about the disposal, but not running it (not like it works anyway) and just letting the water drain on its own for a half hour seems to work....even if it's annoying. I really really don't want to have someone in here (I canNOT air out the room at all, the kitchen is the farthest back from any fresh air I can possibly bring in) unless I absolutely have no choice, like if the oven/stove is going to set itself on fire. I did try boiling eggs tonight and that did NOT go awry, nor did the entire room fill with smoke/steam, the burner heated up enough after about five minutes like usual. So HOPEFULLY that's okay....
I discovered that the battery on my new smartwatch lasts about 2-ish days. Hmmmm.
I have to go to the dentist tomorrow morning and they sent me a symptom survey to fill out online and said not to come in until they text me tomorrow. Whee. They are looking forward to seeing me! I am not looking forward to seeing them! Who does?!
Today's Viewing: Signed, Sealed, Delivered.
The original movie:
"Mail that letter. Life is short."
Flashback: letter writer and Charlie are trapped in an elevator with a bunch of jerks and his coffee orders. When an executive rips Charlie a new asshole in front of everyone, the girl defends him by faking being an executive. She's Kelly, btw. "Kelly with a y and completely spelled. Why do parents insist on being creative these days?" Oliver rambles. Charlie quits his job and re-meets her in the elevator. He is super grateful. Oliver refuses to read more after the name of Charlie's old office comes up, it's the Prime Directive. Shane is VERY URGENTLY WANTING TO MOVE ON WITH THIS. "Of all the elevators in all the towns in all the world...." (Good job using a movie line on him.) Alas, it still doesn't work. You know what, Eric Mabius tends to be some kind of quiet odd duck dude--he's not quite corncob up the ass, but sorta, but does manage to have a human moment once in a while?
"I've never heard of a ....postal...bar..."
So I guess at some point it was a TV show? Some episodes are up....
Today’s letter is a kid who’s about to run away from home to see his grandma...tonight. Ruh-roh. “We investigate difficult delivery situations.” They head to the retirement home.
Teresa, left alone in the office, starts dancing around with a scarf. “Told you we should have gone to lunch.” I love her. Teresa wanted to dance in NYC, but went into the family business instead...which is to say her family hauled her home. This makes me sad. They all figure out later that Grandma was trying to protect Owen from some lady named Donna there (I think that’s the lady running the joint?).
Rita returns, asking to visit the lady who thinks she talks to aliens (really, that came up) while everyone else snoops through the home. Owen is really named Casey and his family is in Witness Protection. AWWWWWWW. The KID is the witness and trial is next week. UH-OH. And damn, Donna (really named Sylvia) is involved in the crime. EEEEEK!!!!
“Are you telling me you are really from the post office?” “Yes, uniquely gifted post office workers.” Anyway, Donna/Sylvia is caught by the cops, the grandkid is fine and gets to see his grandma.
“Oh no, you don’t get to quote Shakespeare tonight. Shakespeare never had to thwart a drug cartel.” YES, POST OFFICE EMPLOYEES JUST THWARTED A DRUG CARTEL. THIS IS WHAT THIS HALLMARK SHOW IS DOING.
“Where are you going next?” “It’s a secret, Norman.”
Teresa recounts that Oliver’s grandfather ended up dealing with hatching eggs one holiday season and took care of the babies and won the Dark of Night award for it. Awwww. Teresa performs in the old folks home show in lieu of Vivian--you get the feeling she can understudy--and Norman gets a present from a now-deceased new friend, apparently. He looks misty-eyed and Oliver puts his head on his shoulder.
"Some day someone may come in looking for a grizzly." "We can decorate him for Christmas."
Flashback: Samila and Buzz made friends over swapping items of clothing. He taught her how to read and they started a school. Then there was a bombing and they were separated. She hopes Buzz lived. She's been adopted in America and is going to college in Colorado and is graduating in a few days. New Supervisor Teresa is TOTALLY PSYCHED on this, which is great.
"The registrar says she has a student job at the library" just made me choke. Uh... lemme just say that unless someone there was friends with her personally, you can't find out someone's student job by asking the registrar. That shit's not on academic records. You know how you'd find out a student's job at my alma mater? LITERALLY THEY GET LISTED ON THE CAMPUS WEBSITE. You could Google Samila Lastname and it'll say "Library Assistant I." Anyway, they find Samila at work, who remembers the name of the brownie company that Buzz's mom runs. Buzz's mom said something bad happened back there, and when she finally got him back after being missing, "he was somebody else." Awwwww. Now he's just gone, and ashamed about....something. Saul Tigh looks him up this time.
Teresa is now understudying Glinda, enthusiastically, and Norman...made an odd desk. Hey, can we get Buzz a hair makeover in about three hours to go to graduation? Teresa LOVES THIS. "Norman, you can keep us company." I LOL at Norman not being assigned anything....but he does get brownies.
Samila gives her speech about Buzz. She runs off the stage to hug him. AWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Teresa decides to quit the post office and act full time. She gives a very Dorothy "I think I'll miss you most of all" to Oliver, who she gave 100% on his eval. She is a delight and will be missed.
I would like to notice that the (very old fashioned 80's land line) phone rings and everyone is suddenly completely shocked and horrified to hear a phone ringing and they don't know what to do about it. Oliver answers it and appears to have gotten bad news, but won't say.
SOMEONE POINT OUT TO CORA THAT SHE SHOULDN'T BE READING RITA'S ROMANCE NOVEL ON COMPANY TIME.
"That letter was written EIGHT YEARS AGO." Well, on the good news side, maybe she got a divorce by now?
"Cora, we're going to have to carry this letter over to tomorrow." Cora absolutely doesn't care because she is still reading Rita's romance novel.
The Mystery of Oliver: he's been taking dance lessons, he's going to be in a show, his dance partner has run off to find love or something, and Shane has to sub in. When she suggests someone else, she gets, "I don't want a nice lady, I want you!" So romantic, I swooned.
They find Marie. And her kid. And her dog. And ...some other guy? Was that the original fiance? Maybe we just won't deliver it if postage is due...? so they return it to Sam. He's sorry he wrote it at all. He could never compete with the fiance except he was a little taller. He burns the letter. Is that closure?
It dawns on Shane that Rita's romance novel is a thinly based version of her and Norman. Cora refuses to give it up.
Norman has a moment of insight that I also just had: that guy with Marie was not the original fiance. Which of course may not rule out that she found a third guy in 8 years. Yup, THAT WAS HER BROTHER AND HER FIANCE IS GONE. "You have a letter for me?" "Not exactly, it was destroyed in a fire. But we have the next best thing. Rita?" Rita and her photographic memory can recite the letter. AWWWWWW. Marie thinks it's too late (but is totally affected) and Oliver ends up quoting the "Turn, Turn, Turn" song at her. I laugh my head off. Norman, of all people, believes in soulmates.
Marie goes to see the cowboy soulmate. They kiss. Rita is all "Every love story is different, Norman, and some stories take a long time." I HEAR YA, RITA.
At dance lessons: "Will you be able to last an hour without your precious Internet?"
Shane comments on the irony of Oliver's wife never writing and him hoping a letter shows up at the DLO. Shane is trying to drag him into the 21st century. Cora is utterly obsessed with Rita's book.
Today's letter: a son apologizing to his father and sending a gift now that he's made it. Dad's a mechanic and wanted the son to follow in his footsteps, Danny wanted to do art. This could take up to a month, the Postables say. "Throw it in the trash," says goddamned Cora. Oliver asks how a woman who can appreciate Rita's novel can't appreciate the passion in this letter (good move). She prefers to read, she says.
This substitute at the dance studio (Ramon) mangles Oliver's name even worse than Cora mangles everyone else's. (Also, he can say Shane right. And has the drooly hots for her.) "Fancy Francie is no longer with us," because she lost the studio in a poker game. Oliver's face is a treat. "EVERYTHING ERECT!!!!" Ramon says, and I did not expect THAT to happen in Hallmark.
Rita is afraid Norman is going to figure out that the book is about him. This is giving Norman a lot more credit for brains than I would expect, even with names like "Ranita" and "DeLorman" or whatever the hell the characters' names are. "It's YOU. Why won't you wake up and smell the You-Hoo, honey?" Cora says to Norman's face. NO reaction from Norman. Why is this guy here?
"Are you the IRS?" "No, USPS." *blank stare*
I think I have come to the conclusion that Norman is the Nobby Nobbs of the Postables.
Google can't find "Daniel Sarah NYC" (HAHAHAHAH) so they give up and open Danny's present. It's a painting...and Danny died 3 years ago in a fire.
Oliver is all "Please don't tell me you removed a priceless work of art from the post office and brought it to the Mailbox Grill." Shane: long pause, takes the box off the table, "OKAY!" I love Shane.
Rita's book is 780 pages and Cora literally does no work any more. "Read on, Norman." Rita asks him not to. "I'm not sure...she said it was all about me and you. But that's just silly, right?" Cora thinks Rita is magnificent.
Danny's wife Sarah did have a daughter. They break all of this news to the dad.
Hi, I've done a lot of dance recitals. YOU DON'T PICK THE SONG THE NIGHT BEFORE YOU DO THE SHOW. I like her selection of "And So It Goes," mind you, but how the bleep are you rehearsing with no song? It gets a little more emotional than Oliver is able to handle.
Cora is retiring from the post office to "write her memoirs." Norman is all "I wrote mine and lost it." Rita wants to read it.
At lunch, Sarah is loaded up on pre-Zoom to talk to her father-in-law.
Oliver cancels on the dancing. He only did them because his wife bought him lessons and then, well, you know. It's his anniversary, so he goes to work to mope at his desk.