Chaos Attraction

Same Poll Every Year

2008-12-31, 11:57 p.m.

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1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

Went to a conference for the first time. Went to Florida! Went on a cruise!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Last year, well...I still haven't figured this out. Not for lack of trying, but I am STUMPED. I could write the same damn entry this year, but I JUST DON'T FUCKING KNOW.

My shrink is all, "You KNOW." Well. There are two things I want. Unfortunately, one of them is absolutely NOT UNDER MY CONTROL AT ALL to get, and that hasn't worked out in a long damn time, and I have zero hopes of that situation changing soon. I do not think 2009 is gonna be the year...or 2010, or 2011, or 2012...I seriously do not see that situation changing for another ten years. As for the other, well...I just don't know how to do it. See #9 for more on that.

Will I make any this year...I dunno. Part of me wants to try to work on some Big Project all year long because I am tired of my ADD brain having no attention span (say, for stuff like novels, after a month I am sick of it) and I want to force it to stick with something. Of course, the answer to this would be "um, what?" and to that, I don't know. Make an afghan or something?

I have had it pointed out to me that uh, I AM working on something for a year. A year and a day, if you know what I mean in the "alternative" sort of way. This is a good point, though in practice it really boils down to "work on stuff once in a while" rather than on a consistent basis.

And then on the other hand (hmm, three hands?), gee, DON'T I HAVE ENOUGH TO DO ALREADY? In winter alone I have driving lessons, TA'ing a class, taking another class on a weekly basis, 2 writer's groups, volunteering, I need to get some gym time in...oh yeah: and plan out stuff for that conference. God, aren't I busy enough? Maybe I should just stop the hell there.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No. Coworkers I wasn't close to, mostly.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not this year.

5. What countries did you visit?

Mexico! I actually have an answer for this!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

Burning drive and desire to figure out what I want and to go after it wholeheartedly, even if it upsets my entire life. Also, goals. Goals would be nice. Long-term, sustained ones I don't lose interest in after a month.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Um....? None, I guess.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Going to places I'd always wanted to go and never thought I'd go to in my lifetime, I think. Finishing NaNo this year when it was nothing but hell, my novel sucked, I didn't plan it well enough, and I couldn't get together with other writers during the month for shitola.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I am still "puttering" in life, for lack of a better way to put it. If I want to have a life that isn't just puttering along in a job I'm bored with (like everything else except what I do at this point...awkward), I need to get on the stick, and I cannot seem to even figure out what step A is to do that, much less steps B-Z. I wish I was one of those people whose life goal could be summed up as "go back to school," 'cause I'm good at jumping through those hoops...but I am not, and "go back to school" is just not for me. I have to make up my own path out of nothing all by myself, and so far... I can't do it. It's all a fog to me.

Sure, there are some folks out there who are all, "You're a Barbara Sher person! And that's OKAY!" Yes, I am. ADD brain will do that to you. But...some things DO require that kind of effort if you're gonna do them. You can't just hop, skip, jump, and go "wheeee!" surfing your tide of interests when it goes in and out when you need to do a sustained project like say, writing a book. I can't finish the entire thing to publication level, with editing and rewriting, while my interest level is still high (i.e. a month). And really, I'd have to. I've read all those Barbara Sher books and liked them, but in the end, I could never apply them to anything in my life.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Well, this month. Ugh. At least the Cough started to get a lot better as of Christmas Day.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Um....yarn? Books?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My shrink's.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Same people as usual.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Books and yarn and souvenirs.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Disneyworld!

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2008?

I Kissed A Girl. 'Cause that song is EVERYWHERE.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder?

Neutral, I think.

ii. Thinner or fatter?

Probably fatter 'cause I stopped going to the gym almost entirely this fall. Sigh.

iii. richer or poorer?

Probably poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Working out, setting goals, getting Big Things Done.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Flaking out and getting sick of things.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Spent it at the neighbor's.

23. How many one-night stands?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Pushing Daisies, RIP. Sigh.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No.

26. What was the best book you read?

I really liked Paladin of Souls, The Last Colony and Zoe's Tale, Gone Too Far, Kushiel's Mercy, Bobbie Faye's (kinda, sorta, not exactly) Family Jewels, The Host, A Church Of Her Own, and Long May She Reign.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Um...I can't think of any in particular.

28. What did you want and get?

Certain yarn-related books, vacations!

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

Um...WALL-E? I didn't think there was a whole lotta quality out there that I saw, but that counts.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Had a surprise birthday party during my volunteer job, I turned 30.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Kimono tops. Lots of 'em. Also, long coats.

34. What kept you sane?

I'm not sane.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Hm. I went off my favorite one this year for the most part, which is both good and bad. (Let's say this year ain't his best for looks.) Much as I hate to hop on the Robert Pattinson bandwagon, especially since I am NOT a Twilight fan, the comments he keeps making all over the place are cracking my shit up. You gotta love him for that.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Democrats vs. Republicans, and Prop. 8.

37. Who did you miss?

I don't know. Nobody specific, I guess.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Ummmm? Don't know.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:

I think I just don't have it in me to become a professional novelist if I can't sustain interest in a story to work on it for longer than a month. Yeah, should have figured this out years ago, but...

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
I thought my life would be different somehow
I thought my life would be better by now
But it's not, and I don't know where to turn


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