Things Never Change (The Bad Ones Don't, Anyway)
2018-12-31, 9:18 a.m.
recently on Chaos Attraction
Well, I ended up going home early on the morning of the 30th after all. I woke up to find out that Mom had clogged the (lone remaining functioning) toilet in the middle of the night and I would be forced to use her compostable toilet. She also accused me of clogging it (I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night) and straight up told me that “You really need to learn how to flush a toilet.”
That, folks, is where I drew the line, or tried to anyway. I started packing up my shit to go home. Even my crappy constantly running toilet at my crap apartment is better than THIS. She didn’t want me to leave and tried to stall--”Do you want something to eat?” “NO.” And at one point she tried in a sad voice as I was about to leave for the final time, “You were going to try to teach me to knit.” It felt like the perfect line in a movie when I said, “Yes, that might have been nice.”
Then as I was about to start driving, she begged me to wait ten minutes so she could “show me something.” I gave her ten minutes while I emptied out the fridge of the leftovers I was taking home and then found out she was trying to declog the toilet via some remedy she found on the Internet. And calling Mauricio to have him moderate the situation--he told me to go take a walk and get out of the house if necessary, and I was trying to figure out where I could go on a Sunday that was open and had a toilet.
I’ll give her credit, it worked...but as she then started lecturing me on using too much toilet paper and that I should be flushing multiple times while using it, in the midst of using it... That was when I just got in my car and left. I briefly pulled over to tell Mauricio I was going and he said, “Go, mi amor.” I found a grocery store to pee at and left, then came home, left a message for my therapist and ended up crying.
Mom called multiple times while I was driving and after she started lecturing me on proper toilet usage again, I hung up on her and refused to answer. I went to the gym, where she was calling and texting again and sending sad pictures of the screenshot of my photo with “Call Failed” on it, as well as pictures and video of her now empty toilet. And that oh yeah, she cleaned the bathroom!....which was probably the emptiest room in that house. And wouldn’t I like to come back home?
I finally caved and texted back saying I forgive her, but I’m not driving back there tonight only to be kicked out for her date the next morning. And hey, are you going to clean anything else there tonight? Of course not. She decided to use Nair instead. I pointed out that Barbara “Former First Lady” Bush said not to use Nair.
So I am home drinking while I write this. Periodically she'd be texting me saying it was quiet without me there. Well, you know what, maybe theoretically she can learn from this...but probably not.
And now on to the same damn meme I do every year. Continued from here because as usual I have nothing else to offer.
1. What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before?
* Finally got to be in a real live theater show!
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
From last year:
Actually did it!
This year: probably need to job hunt more. And actually apply for something because I couldn’t stand any of the jobs I looked at this year and didn’t even actually go through with applying for any.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
4. Did anyone close to you die?
5. What countries did you visit? None, as usual.
6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?
Last year I said, “More money and a less stressful job where I don't serve the public. Also, a goal and a plan.” The same applies again because nothing changes. Well, I don’t full time serve the public any more, but it’s still somewhat happening.
Copy and paste for this year, except I am going back to full time serving the public. Shoot me now. I will never, ever in a billion years get those things.
7. What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The Gumbo show, my boss announcing he’s leaving.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I was finally in a show!
9. What was your biggest failure?
I should have job hunted more but couldn’t stand fucking doing it any more. Also should not have had contact with the ex.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Paying to go to storytelling and improv workshops.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My now ex-boss is this year’s MVP as far as I am concerned.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Last year I said, “People at work. Half of our country.” That remains the same, along with adding in “my Lucy-with-the-football ex.”
14. Where dd most of your money go?
I don’t have an interesting answer to that this year really, I guess paying to go to festivals and staying in hotels once in a while or something.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Storytelling events and festivals and going to Disneyland/Universal this year.
16. What song will always remind you of 2018?
I guess “thank u, next.” It is not a favorite of mine but it is very Of The Period.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Job hunting, because I know I should be doing it. Also cleaning.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stalling and whining.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Watching Hallmark and babysitting my sick mom. Basically living this shirt.
21. Did you fall in love in 2018?
22. How many one-night stands? Yeah, RIGHT. Also, who actually answers this question?
23: What was your favorite TV program?
I’m still leaving it at The Good Place. When you voluntarily wake up early to watch it the morning after it airs....Legends of Tomorrow is also having some amazing stuff going on.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hm, no. Still hate the same old jerks, not really hating any new jerks.
25. What was the best book you read?
New authors discovered this year that stood out: Leila Sales.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The soundtrack to The Greatest Showman, Kacey Musgraves, A Very Spidey Christmas.
27. What did you want and get?
If we’re talking Christmas stuff, I didn’t make a list this year because I wasn’t going to get that anyway. I did have Mom buy me two books at my request, so I guess that qualifies.
28. What did you want and not get?
Vacation in San Diego. Trump and the evil empire out of the Brown House. New life. Not that I can get up the nerve to work on that last one.
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really liked Crazy Rich Asians a lot. Avengers: Infinity War was certainly memorable, as was Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 40 and did nothing much because it was a Tuesday.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A more peaceful and lucrative job. This answer never changes.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?
About the usual, but now I have to give up on weird hair.
33. What kept you sane?
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
36. Who did you miss?
37. Who was the best new person you met?
I have been liking a lot of folks I am meeting through storytelling, so in general, those people.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018:
It really pays off to be nice to people.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
From my beloved “High Horse” song:
“And I think we've seen enough, seen enough