Chaos Attraction

Extra Bonus Postables

2020-12-29, 10:10 a.m.

Episode 5:
Norman: “My neighbor got himself lost in the mail. He was trying to send himself to Fresno. For Christmas.”
Rita is applying for “Miss Special Delivery.” However, she has no performing talents. This reminds me of reading the book “Twenty Pageants Later,” which literally dealt with people who have no performing talents entering pageants and how to deal with it. (Pretty cleverly, involving a lot of video of doing non-performing talents, to the point where the classical piano player was feeling very weird about it all.)
Also, now they have ashes (as in dead people) to deal with it. Shane is depressed that the Internet has failed her in this. But five minutes later: “I used my computer. AND my brain.”
Oh goody, feuding family members. Everyone loves that. Two sisters expected to receive Mom’s ashes, but they are being sent to a mysterious “Maggie” instead.
Rita wants to know why the dance didn’t go off. “I think he was having too much fun,” Shane says. He dragged me through two weeks of dance for nothing! I also love how Oliver presumes his wife would send a letter (I’ll note she dumped him over voicemail).
Norman, help Rita figure out a talent! “Do you want to make a volcano?” I CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP.
“Look for something that reminds Vanessa of fondue.”
One sister gets really freaked out when they reach the location (a general store/post office in the woods), saying her mother wouldn’t have had them do a scavenger hunt except that one of them would NOT want to go in there.
“You may find me quaintly old school,” says Oliver. WORDS FOR HIS TOMBSTONE.
Shane makes the mistake of mentioning that she Googled for “Holly O’Toole Paris” and found that Holly signed a 3-year-lease in Paris. Oliver loses it at her and her “infernal machine” for invading HIS privacy (more like, hers, and how the fuck do you find someone’s lease online?).
Rita practices her roller skating and falls into Norman’s arms. He just cares about his missing stamp. RITA, YOU CAN DO BETTER, AND BY BETTER, I MEAN THAT BEING SINGLE IS BETTER.
Flashback: Mom went camping with the kids, husband was flying home, 9/11 happened.....Mom realizes from watching Maggie’s tellevision. Maggie helped them. I admit I just got verklempt and teary-eyed at this. It’s ironic that one of them married an airline pilot and the other does 911 or something like that.
“Treasure hunt” and “mother’s ashes” is just a WRONG combination.
This is all about how one of the kids called Dad to come home for her sister’s birthday. OY. Mom suspected the sisters’ estrangement started here, and therefore it has to end here. She wants her ashes dispersed in the mountains.

Episode 6:
Oh great, there’s another supervisor, Glynis, who threatens to fire anyone who isn’t in the building yet. Why do they have a revolving door of supervisors? Why is this a thing?
Some girl named Kimmy from Sorting says everyone is gossping about Rita entering the pageant. Shane gets A Bad Feeling About This, checks her computer, and gets Kimmy to go away. Then we find...incriminating video of Kimmy playing her tuba? “She was scouting out the competition!”
OH SHIT, OLIVER WAS LATE. No one...cares?
“Why would I mess with her? She’s already lost,” says Kimmy.
“Kimmy is a branch hopper! She transfers from branch to branch so she can win Miss Special Delivery!” Shane says. Oh, and there are only three people competing in this....those two, and the new supervisor’s daugther. Marilu Henner is Glynis. She will do ANYTHING for her baby girl.
I’m still trying to figure out why anyone would be threatened by Rita entering this thing. Nerds do not win beauty pageants, and unless Much less have a supervisor say, “I will CRUSH YOU LIKE A BUG.” That’s fucked UP.
“Welcome to Blooms and Hugs. These are the blooms. These are the hugs,” says some random dude with large jaw who goes in for the kill. Viewing this from 2020, I got kind of shocked at that last bit. (I haven’t paid attention to this week’s letter At All, btw.) “Why, do you have a problem with a guy owning a flower shop?” “No, no, not at all.” Who the heck is “Mrs. Bobby Richards” if Bobby here is single?
The writer, Ellie, works at the shop and is brought in. “This is so embarrassing. I’m Mrs. Bobby Richards.” “It’s complicated.” Which is to say, they want to get married, but her parents won’t let them. (I think these folks may be ah.... having some kind of possible challenges going on here, is what I’m going to tactfully say. I haven’t been able to read her entire shirt in full, but it seems to be a joke about keep calm and have (?) a chromosome.) They had an assigment to write a letter to their future selves in ten years and their teacher said she’d send them again in 2017. “It’s just some mushy stuff, blah blah blah....” she skims, tactfully. Then she reads the bottom of it, freaks out, and says she has to go home NOW. She goes home and demands that she be allowed to get married. Oh man, I feel sad.
Rita’s talent is memorizing the postal code. I’m going to assume this girl singing is Viviane (“viv-an-nee?” seems to be the pronunciation). Yup, she is.
Shane gives Rita a makeover. I hate to say “I didn’t recognize her without her glasses,” but I totally did not. “Rita, there is as reason for our prolonged silence. You have taken our breath away,” says Oliver. But what does NORMAN think? “I think you look like a different person.” “I know. But I’m not,” she says, putting the glasses back on.
Ellie and Bobby are eloping! I know I should be all concerned and stuff, but I am seriously thinking of some nice-but-stupid people I knew back in the Dark Ages who were 19 and pregnant and got married and at one point ended up living in a tent in someone’s back yard. Technically neither of them had chromosome issues, but Ellie and Bobby frankly seem more together than those two, and unlike those two, can hold down jobs. At this point I am all, hey I don’t know what legal issues come up with Down’s weddings, but I’ve certainly heard of them happening before and I’m sure various someones can figure out the legal stuff, power of attorney, who’s filling out the tax returns, whatever.
Chill out, folks: the kids got a marriage license but didn’t put a date on it, they just wanted to invite the folks/prove that they’re serious. Seriously, I would not argue with Ellie on this, she’s fucking fierce. I really like this kid. They’re really cute together. But Bobby wants everyone to approve. Ellie is all “I QUIT!” and runs out. Everyone looks at Ellie’s star-themed flower arrangements. The Ellie and Bobby love is SO CUTE it makes me wonder/hope if the actors are together IRL.
Rita has decided to compete as a postal uniform. “And to thine own self be true,” Oliver says, and hugs her. “Break a leg. And I do mean, BREAK A LEG, BUG,” says Glynis. I repeat, WTF?! Norman saw the whole thing, and then derails to inform Rita of his favorite bug, which is unsquishable. I’m glad he circled back, I was concerned. “Norman, you always know what to say.”
Apparently there is a “sorting competition” in this. Rita has been practiciting with skates, which are being allowed. We do NOT get to see her recitation of the postal code, but cut straight to the Q&A. (Glynis is making bug-squishing hand gestures. Norman is making uh...talky hand gestures.) “Some people think the post office is a relic” that’s going to be squished like a bug.... Rita uses Norman’s random facts in her speech. Hah. This is LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST YOU HAVE EVER SEEN NORMAN. DUDE LIT UP. Good, finally.
Open your eyes, Ellie: SURPRISE WEDDING! With star theme. THIS IS SO CUTE. Oliver is in the mood to dance....
Hmmm, wait, we never did find who won the pageant, did we?

Episode 7:
Oliver and Shane have different ideas of fun. A weekend mail conference is his idea of fun. Shane is still giving him shit about the dance.
This week’s letter is a CD.
Wait, Rita is posing in a ...mail cart with a bunch of popcorns? Apparently she won. She will be in “Mail Monthly Magazine.”
Shane reunites with an old friend, Becky. She basically does promotion?
Billy used to work at a studio, didn’t give anyone his given name (used his middle name of James) and nobody ever got his address to give him a paycheck....but he walked out one night when he was going to mail the CD and never came back. At this point I’m assuming Billy is dead since he left his precious guitar behind and never made it to the industry party.
Oliver is eating lunch alone, reading, and sulking, and can very easily overheard Shane talking about him to Becky--plusses and minusses all. Oh, Becky remembers THAT guy at the meeting. He’s married. OH DAMN, BECKY HAD SHANE TRANSFERRED TO GET HER AWAY FROM A MARRIED GUY. Oliver looks constipated. Oops, there you are, Oliver! Becky notices, Oliver acknowledges the awkwardness of it all. “You really do talk like that,” Becky says. Also, “that chick in Paris was crazy to leave you!” Oliver goes back to work and says he saw Becky at the restaurant.
Oh no, Billy’s motorcycle was in an accident! And he’s....still in the hospital. They return Billy’s CD to him since it never made it to LA. He has no idea what you are referring to. ‘”We were very sorry to hear about your accident.” “So was I.” Norman’s brought a boom box. He can’t recognize the song now. “He just keeps getting sadder and more lost.” AWWWWWW.
Everyone figures out that Jennifer at the studio was Billy’s object of affection...and it was mutual if she still has his guitar, polished. Jennifer suspects it’s her song, but she never got to hear it. She brings him his guitar and he doesn’t remember her.
“Sometimes your heart remembers what your mind forgot, Billy.”
He plays the song, he remembers, they kiss, AWWWWWW. They’re so cute!

Episode 8:
Becky reveals to Shane that Oliver knows what she said. “What did I say?!?” “All nice things!” (No, you didn’t.) Shane is MORTIFIED. Oliver, of course, spots them and comes over.
The DLO gets mail addressed to them with an unmailed letter (“decorated and used as a bookmark”), from a mental health organization. OH MY, IT’S A LETTER FROM A DYING WOMAN. Apparently her husband thought she was cheating with her ex. And uh....when she and her daughter got into an accident, his blood didn’t match. The letter says her ex isn’t the father either. The night before the wedding at the bachelorette party....she got raped and roofied. OH JESUS CHRIST HOW THE HELL COULD YOU GO THROUGH A WEDIDNG AND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE LIKE IT HADN’T HAPPENED THE NEXT DAY?!? I was not expecting “raped and roofied” on Hallmark, even if she doesn’t explicitly use those words. (Though we are told that the guy did finally get arrested/jailed.)
Everyone is distressed enough to break out a You-Hoo. Oliver will even share. THAT’S SERIOUS AROUND HERE. Rita’s so messed up she can’t even remember her photographic memory.
Cut to Michael and Abby (the husband and daughter) receiving the 10 year old letter. Shane is eavesdropping nearby. Dad takes it to her literal grave to read. He cries like hell. I can’t even imagine. “I WILL KILL HIM!!!!!” Michael yells. Shane returns to the office to announce that she thinks Michael will be out for revenge. Shane is straight up hacking at this point to see Michael looking up the guy. And unfortunately he’s likely to get released....
They contact Becky. She creates a task force for “special handling.” Basically it is now a miracle job with funding and shit. This is where “Postables” comes from. They straight up do an intervention in the courtroom on Michael, being all “You MUST trust us” (also Rita knows what gun you’ve got and where). They pass him....medical records for his daughter or something? Meanwhile, the rapist still isn’t getting out of jail. And that’s how we know it’s fictional.
OH JESUS MICHAEL WENT TO SEE THE RAPIST IN PRISON AND GAVE HIM A PICTURE. The rapist, silent, slides it back and says he doesn’t remember. Do whatever you got to do, I’m looking forward to picture day. “You have a daughter and she needs a kidney transplant.” DAMN. THIS GUY IS THROUGH THE FUCKING WRINGER HAVING TO ASK A RAPIST FOR A KIDNEY TRANSPLANT. And of course, he don’t wanna. But she looks like his mother. “Is that good?” This is left ambiguous, but Michael is about to tell Abby at her mom’s grave.
I’m not sure what’s going on, but either Norman is faking like he’s blind or dressed up as a Blues Brother.
‘”I know, you know....” Fine. EVERYBODY KNOWS SHANE TALKED SHIT NOW. We all got it.
Oh, it’s some ceremony that Becky’s putting on. They’re all getting awards from the Postmaster General: THE DARK OF NIGHT AWARD! These are....pewter mugs. Engraved. Pewter mugs? Like Paul Revere drank out of or something? Not trophies?

previous entry - next entry
archives - current entry
hosted by