Is it just me, or is it a shitty week in general? I have dental issues, my friend Jackie's car got stolen, and the power is out in half of my mom's house. (As in, the kitchen is useless, the phones are useless, the computer/bedroom is useless, but she has power in the bathrooms and living room. It's random.) In Mom's case, it's been out since Sunday and nobody will even come to fix it until Saturday. And my shrink needs new tires so we did a phone session this week rather than attempting to hypnotize out my gag reflex.

Naturally, all of us are gonna be out a lot of money.

I hear a lot of people are freaking out over the full moon. I wouldn't be inclined to blame the moon- my Tuesday was quite lovely, actually- but sometimes even I wonder when bad juju seems to be floating around on people.

It's probably a good thing my work meditation class started up again this week. She wants us to make a commitment to doing it more often and pick a place in our house to do it in. Problem being that I hate meditating in my house because there are all these neat projects and television and computer I could be doing rather than meditating. I'd much rather (a) go to class, or (b) do it outside somewhere quiet, which now that it's March I can do again.

And speaking of March, it's kind of a "dead month" for me. No conference to freak out over from last month, no birthday/Mother's Day/wedding drama (mostly) to deal with that I'll get in the next 2 months, the quarter is ending here so my usual activities are on hold. Like, I have a party to plan and that's it for stuff. And I am all, "what do I do with this free time?" Lounge around outside reading/meditating? Study for the driver's test? (I should) Photoshop my gajillion photos from Disneyworld that I didn't get around to finishing in September? I am also less motivated to knit than usual, which is weird. Not that I'm not still doing it, I'm just not massively obsessed with what I am working on now.

I'm trying to read books on "doing what you love" and crap like that. So far they all boil down to, "you HAVE TO be an entrepreneur, start your own business, fuck security and health insurance, you'll go bankrupt a bunch of times and you'd better be okay with that."

I am not.

This is frustrating as hell. The "no insurance" thing is pretty much a non-negotiable with me. With my nasty family history, and all the dental shit, I can't count on always being able to be allowed to get private insurance. And god knows I can't count on a husband to have insurance for me. So...argh. I can't find a way around this. Going without is non-negotiable, but there's no way in hell the world will work that way to provide otherwise. I sure as hell don't have the knowledge or power to set up such a thing.

And really, I shouldn't do my own business because (a) I have no financial savvy and (b) if I don't even like selling my own work, uh, this shit really isn't going to fly.

But you can't do something interesting for pay if you don't do it yourself any more, either.

GodDAMMIT.

previous entry - next entry
archives - current entry