Chaos Attraction

I Shouldn't Be This Burned Out

2015-03-25, 9:15 p.m.

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So apparently the notifylist stopped working and nobody said anything about it to me and I can't find anything about it. Grrr. Have now replaced with TinyLetter.

Today was one of those days at work. It wasn't even a "bad" day at work, technically. It's one of the very last quiet days we'll have until oh, late December or so. The hellish onslaught starts again next week. I had to serve the public but not very much, no phone was involved, and technically I wasn't dealing with a huge number of pain in the ass people/requests. And for chrissake, I even get a short week.

And yet, I found myself angry and tired and fried and then I had a long, tedious, complicated meeting in the last hour of the day. Which will be followed by the exact same to start the day off "right" tomorrow. I'm sick of the emotional drama and "you just have to take it" shit every day. I had plans for after work and other things I wanted to do after those plans and I could barely drag myself to the appointment and definitely flaked on the free improv show I could have gone to. I just so desperately wanted to collapse on my couch, drink chocolate wine and NOT TALK TO HUMANS. I haven't slept much this week and just want to keel over. I have to stay awake long enough to do my requisite energy-sucking phone call to Mom tonight or else I'd probably have been in bed by 9 since Empire isn't on any more, wah.

I need to man up, be more perfect, force myself to love this job, suck it up, eat more shit with a bigger smile. Because there is no way out of here. And the more I get angry and "rebel," the worse I end up feeling. Rebelling never gets me anywhere. Flight isn't an option and fighting never works.

Ugh. I'm just tired, and I have nothing left to give. And I cannot be this burned out on an EASY day, dammit.

I shouldn't whine. This is as good as it gets.


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