Chaos Attraction

Hasa Diga Eebowai

2015-07-15, 10:32 p.m.

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So apparently the notifylist stopped working and nobody said anything about it to me and I can't find anything about it. Grrr. Have now replaced with TinyLetter.

I did not get the job.
Despite my having over a decade of related experience, there was already someone more qualified than me. (Guess that explains why my references didn't get called.) Because there is ALWAYS someone more qualified than me. Heck, since I clearly didn't make the second round of interviews, there must have been two more qualified than me. While the lady was as nice about it as one could be, after a bit I kind of felt like a small child getting patted on the head for applying on some level.

Come to think of it, I think every job I got was because the number one person decided to bail and they were stuck with me. I'm never anybody's number one. Guess this explains why my references weren't called. Of course. Why do I bother with those anyway.

If I'm still not qualified enough for anything, how the hell am I supposed to get any kind of job? I'm not.

I qualify for nothing, Every job wants one of the following: (a) finances, (b) travel, (c) event planning, and (d) have previously worked for a high-level executive. I haven't done any of these and every time I'm sunk because of that. Does secretarial school still exist? Oh, wait, Heald's out of business, so no.

I'm sunk. I'm not going to be saved out of this job. I'm going to get canned from it, and then I'm fucked forever. I told Mom tonight she'd better clean out the house because either I move back in or I end up homeless. I can't see any other future than that for me, the way that things are going. And divine intervention isn't happening and I don't seem to be able to save myself.

I'm sick of this. I want a change and I want out (in a positive way) and it's just not fucking happening and I've got a ticking clock on me and I'm going to fail.


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