Chaos Attraction

Future Freakout #1

2011-09-22, 11:40 a.m.

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So apparently the notifylist stopped working and nobody said anything about it to me and I can't find anything about it. Grrr. Have now replaced with TinyLetter.

The first of many entries along these lines...we're just gonna have to call it the future freakout series this year.

It's my last first day of school here. Though uh...since I am not in school, that's not a big ol' deal to me. It's just more like "oh, hey, the busses run late again, I can leave the gym whenever I want and still get home the lazy way," and "oh yeah, buttloads of people are gonna be swarming the campus today, watch when you go get food to duck the lines," and "sign up for CC classes," and "jeebus christ, they can't get the newspaper printed and delivered until 1 p.m. today, apparently?"

Today I went to yet another work class on how to look for jobs. Since I have spent this entire year thinking I was gonna be laid off (now I am at least sure it won't be this fall! woot! double duty at work has commenced!), I took every freaking class, went to the career counselor, revamped my resumes, dah dah dah this spring. I have dutifully signed up for Working On My Resume Again and Telling Your Story and Looking For Jobs Here and uh...whatever else for the fall. I've lost track.

Now, I like the lady who put on this course, but 90% of it felt like major effing rehash to me because I've done it all year long. I did not look forward to the "let's write down 10 things we do at work and then tell them to your seat partner," and "let's brainstorm stuff to put on a resume" sorts of activities, feh. I did find out a few useful tips about job hunting in another location, which is what I was there for, and she did answer my question about something else, but mostly I was just super bored. And then I ran out of the yarn I brought on my crochet project (yes, I do yarn in class, nobody cares) and then...duhhhhhhhhh.

But being in a class where I was pondering job hunting, and of course one where they are all NETWORK NETWORK NETWORK...um, yeah, I don't really do that. I don't know anyone in LA whatsoever really. I think I vaguely know a few folks online, but not in the best pals sort of way, more like "been on a bulletin board for years" or "read your online journal and real life books and maybe e-mailed you once" (see below) sort of way. I definitely don't have friends to help me move there. There's a couple who are interested in moving there later, mind you-- and I can't exactly judge when one of them is all, "I'd rather wait until I get laid off, plus I am taking care of my grandma"-- but this is gonna be a DIY alone thing.

I announced it on a mailing list I am on yesterday, and felt silly about it. I also told Merry on Tuesday, and she took it pretty well. I think I was the most worried about telling her because we are both low on local friends these days, but I strongly suspect she will be moving to the Bay Area with all of her Burner friends anyway within a year (just a hunch I have), so part of me thinks, "well, she'll go if I don't anyway."

Anyway, what with the NETWORKING thing (you know, when you say the word "networking," it sounds fucking horrible and user-y and creepy, but if it was like, "just talking to a friend," it wouldn't be nearly so bad), and me thinking, "Dear god, who can I even think of that I've heard of who lives there," and then Pamie updated and then I was all, oh, hey, there's one... She was writing about life lists, something I am not really into either. She mentioned a life list her roommate made her make in 2000 and uh... well, surprise, she did do most of that. Go figure.

The reason why I dislike the "life list" thing is mostly because as a non-driver, I know damn well I wouldn't do almost anything on it, so why make one. I kind of have a "travel to" list, but I have actually done most of that since 2007. Portland, Oregon: check. Hawaii: everywhere but Maui and the weentsy islands, check. Disney World: check. New Orleans, check. Phoenix, check. Been on a cruise, check. I still have a few places I'd like to return to in more detail-- Portland, Las Vegas (which was not on the original list, but I bizarrely kinda liked it), see more of Florida in general and the mermaid show in particular, and I want to see Sedona, Arizona to see if it's as wacky as promised. We drove by it last Saturday but couldn't see it, it's way in the boonies, and I don't think the menfolks would have appreciated being dragged there anyway. I don't know if I ever want to see New York or D.C., I can't help but think given my massive city fear that going to NYC would make me have a giant freakout. Mom is all, "It's fine, Jen, I didn't even get mugged," but cities don't scare her. It makes her go, "I guess you're like your father then, even if you didn't grow up in small town Montana." I vaguely wouldn't mind seeing Austin, but since that would require going to Texas again and most of Texas was meh, I dunno there. Other than that...eh... And as for foreign countries, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH YEAH RIGHT WITH WHAT MONEY, so I don't worry about 'em. My souvenir shopping is bad enough just going to Phoenix without going to places where everything costs double and I need to worry about expensive hotel bills and long-ass flights and possible language issues. I don't even care about that. At any rate, the only foreign country I feel more than "meh" about seeing is Australia, but given the long-ass flight and hearing my relatives go on about going (they do not make trips sound as fun as you'd expect), I will live if I don't.

Erm, shall I explain why I am rambling about traveling? There's a class offered at the Experimental College this year on "Transformative Travel" that I am getting some psychic ping to sign up for even if it means I miss half of a busy volunteering night to go. "This special one-time interactive 90 minute class focuses on how travel can expand awareness of one's life purpose and career direction." I suspect most of this is so not going to be my thing (it sounds a lot like "Europe For Cheap Hippies," honestly, and I still don't plan on going there), but...there's a freaking ping to go. Grr. Oh well, maybe I'll learn stuff that applies to moving or something.

Back on the Pamie topic, since I've been reading her journal since the 90's, it occurred to me that duh, I could go back and read her archives about moving to LA! And then it freaked me out! Like WHOA! Like "oh god, I'm not going to be able to find an apartment and I have no friends to shack up with and I don't even have performing skills so why the fuck am I supposed to move here and oh GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD."

So, yeah. More on that later, I suspect, as I comb through the archives for LA lifestyle tips. Or freakouts. Or whatever.


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