Chaos Attraction

Blue Hawaii Day

2010-12-17, 11:42 a.m.

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So apparently the notifylist stopped working and nobody said anything about it to me and I can't find anything about it. Grrr. Have now replaced with TinyLetter.

Before I begin today, let me share with you this: "I hate the holidays! I'm alone and miserable, you fucking dumb bit of toy!" Yeah, I'm in need of a meme today, and it's too rainy to do anything interesting. I saw this entry awhile back and thought, "Invent your own holiday. I like this idea."

My thoughts on this subject:
(a) The major point of having Christmas/Hanukkah/Yule/New Year's/whatever celebrations in December, I suspect, is to liven up the part of the year where it's darkest and coldest and the weather is the worst.
(b) The months of November, February, and March already have a major holiday attached to them to give everyone something to do and celebrate. What month doesn't really do that so well? January.
(c) I know, you're thinking, "Hey, what about New Year's Day and that one day we all get off from work?" Well, yes, January technically has a couple of holidays in there, but (a) one of them is over with very fast and pretty much is looped in with the December drama anyway, and (b) I don't know about you, but I use my day off in January to sit around the house shivering or something most of the time. It's not exactly a party holiday there, is it?
(d) Meanwhile, January sucks donkey balls and as far as I'm concerned, is the crappiest month of the year. And is mostly holiday free. August is, technically speaking, totally holiday free, but at least that's during (on our end of the world) warm weather season and I just don't care so much then. January is still freezing cold and wet and totally dreary, and everyone is broke and depressed, and it's JANUARY. 31 long days of yuck.
(e) Ergo, my chosen holiday shall be in January, 'cause we need a little something that month.

So, what to do?
(a) It should NOT be a gift giving holiday because everyone is broke.
(b) It should be a reason to decorate, because colored decorations perk up places.
(c) Drinking would probably be an excellent addition to the month. Like I said, everyone's cranky anyway, we could use a pick-me-up. And we've got several major food holidays (see below) and only one drinking holiday, so why not another?
(d) Religion should not be a factor because everyone needs a good reason to party, why leave anyone out?

If you think about it, holidays can be classified into the following groups, designated by their #1 purpose:

Party/food/drink holidays: New Year's, St. Patrick's Day, Thanksgiving.
Gifting holidays: Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas
Religious ones are self-explanatory, but generally cover March/April and December.
Costume: Halloween
Fireworks/outdoor partying: Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day

So, what are the most fun holidays on this list for sheer partying? The ones involving face stuffing, outfits, and fire. Okay, so fireworks are probably out for a January party. But how's about...

The date: the third Monday in January, already known as Blue Monday. And we're gonna turn it into BLUE HAWAII DAY.

The decor: Hit the dollar store or party store for cheap crappy island decorations, which you can usually find all year round in the birthday section. Inflatable trees, fake tie-on coconut bras, leis, pirate hats, whatever you can dig up. Cheapness is mandatory. Have a $5 or less rule for all decorations and they must look as bad as possible. If anyone's got any Iz albums (or if you're me, went out and bought Hawaiian pop music the last time you went there), put them on.

The wardrobe: The aforementioned cheap plastic leis and coconut bras. People must dig up whatever Hawaiian shirts are hidden in their summer wardrobes, fish them out, and put them on over their three layers of sweaters. If you've got a sarong, tie it on over your snowpants. The sillier, the better. (If you live in California, you're probably still dumb enough to be wearing your flip-flops and board shorts in the pouring rain anyway, so you guys are covered for wardrobe.)

If someone's willing to really crank up their heat, it'd be fun for folks to actually be able to throw off all their layers and wear those clothes as the sun god intended. But that's up to you and your heating bill and finances. Maybe pass around a hat for donations if everyone wants to be warm for a night.

The booze: all the fixins required to make a Blue Hawaii, of course, and any other tropical beverages you like. Cheesy umbrella drinks for everyone!

So, basically you're gonna dress and drink like it's July in January and brighten the hell out of a shitty month. How's that for an awesome needed holiday?


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