Ways My Day Did Not Go As Expected Today:

(1) I got all gussied up, went to the photo shoot....and nobody was there... and guess what, I got the date wrong, IT WAS YESTERDAY. I feel about it....ways Meg told me NOT to say, but I really want to say, because those are the truth of my heart and they are not “yay Jen, you’re winning at life” thoughts. They are not happy thoughts about myself. And how I just screwed myself for auditions for the month because I won’t have professionally done photos of my current of the minute hair color. And I was going to get a picture printed to hand out at today’s audition since according to Melinda/the Internet/some library book I got yesterday it is Very Bad to turn in a headshot in which your hair is a different color. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck, then I really didn’t wanna go to that audition. I didn’t have serious intentions for this one (which may be an issue in itself), but I didn’t want to make an ass of myself by turning in an inappropriate photo either.

(2) As I was about to leave the gas station to head to the photo shoot in the first place, Meg texts that she’s coming to my town today to watch the game at her son’s house, wanna come over. I say I’ll come over as soon as I’m done, which obviously was sooner than anticipated so I get over there around noon.

I reasonably assumed this was an invite to go watch the game with her and the family from the vague phrasing. She also said she finished the sweater she made for me and was going to drop that off. And I was all “crap, I’m close to finishing your daughter’s Baby Yoda but I’d need a few more hours....” which I assumed I could do like, during the game. But.... no. She already invited her (dead) friend Connie’s daughter to come over at one, and the daughter really misses her mom, so.... the hint was, GTFO, Jennifer, come 1 p.m.

I felt so awkward and weirded out and uncomfortable once I found that out. Also, under the circumstances, I would have liked more advanced warning about...any of this? So yeah, that part kinda sucked and I ended up fleeing when I saw the other girl’s car pull up because I didn’t leave fast enough. Sigh. Meg was all “this entire day was kind of last minute” about the whole thing, but still.

So during the brief hour I got to hang out with her, I caught her up on all the drama and that I’m attempting this Secret positivity thing and MAN I AM NOT IN THE EFFING MOOD TO DO IT NOW RIDING THE SUCK TRAIN and she was all....oh damn, I forget exactly what she said now, but she had a very good example of why one should actually care about what words come out of your mouth. Darn it. It had something to do with the invention of chairs, because someone had to think of chairs....

Then I went home, ate lunch, and then Mom called because Roger left her alone to get snacks for ten minutes. Uh-huh, that’s my life now. Then I went to the gym for a while. While at the gym, I worked on re-memorizing my “When in doubt, act like Myrna Loy” monologue for the Bike City audition. I can’t recall when I last did this one, but I was pleased at how much I remember of it still. So that’s good. Other than working on that while on machines, and rereading the other LoA books, I stewed and felt like shit about the photo thing and the YOU SUCK voice screamed its head off. I also was thinking about the whole LoA thing, and the audition, and the job application (which I wasn’t able to turn in because the system was down), and how I don’t really super care about any of this and really, if I don’t care, why should I bother?

Melinda was all “just go already and tell that voice to shut up” via text. And since I accidentally finished up faster on the last machine I was on than I thought I had set it for, fine, I went home, changed clothes again and went to the audition.

(3) The audition, for the record, is for bit parts in Pride and Prejudice at the same theater I auditioned for The Outsider in. I eventually figured out that the directors of that show were in this audition, which was very strange. You’d think that if they already have an “in” here, they’d have been pre-cast already? The guy was wearing his 49ers jacket (“I have Tivo.” The director was all, “Yeah, I didn’t know it was the Super Bowl until it was too late.”) and said he had TiVo. He was the only guy auditioning for...I forget which guy role, Colonel Lucas, I think? I guess all the other dudes were watching the game. He checked online later and the 49ers lost.

As for the lady parts, they were auditioning for Mary, Lydia, Miss Bingley, and Mrs. Gardiner. I was pretty much doing this assuming I’d shoot for Mary since I am a Nerd and all. But this one really went a lot more like the Death By Design auditions. Very small number of people auditioning, actually getting to read at least 3 times apiece (yay), getting to read roles that you don’t fit for. As in, there were three older women and two younger ones, me and one other girl. I’ve learned not to get my hopes up on what looks like easy odds (see Death By Design), though. But I admit that part of me is now wondering if the reason why I haven’t been able to motivate myself to sign up for any improv classes this winter is to be in this.... But I’m getting ahead of myself and trying to write a plot in real life, which sadly doesn’t actually fucking work even though I may try. Alas, real life sometimes just is kinda shite for how plots should go. y’know, like December.

So I read for Mrs. Gardiner, Mrs. Bennet (already cast but since she was in scenes, we read lines for her and), Elizabeth, Miss Bingley, and even Lydia, but there were no Mary lines to read for. I guess they don’t care there, I dunno. I had fun doing Miss Bingley being a rich snot, but I guess my Lydia was the most memorable. Or at least the other younger girl was all “A-10!” to me about it, whatever that means. I assume it was meant in a positive sort of way.

(I would be hugely amused if I get cast as a 15-year-old. This theater asks on its form what “type” you are (uh...character and comedy?) and your age range and I really just wanted to write “what do you think it is?” or “fuck if I know” to that one. I suspect Loretta Black should have been 40’s to 60’s, so if I ended up with this one in comparison to that it’d be all the funnier.)

Oh yeah, and the other similarity? Laure was in this one too! She is a naturally cheerful person, but was cheerfully grumbly about how she auditioned for four shows and didn’t get into any in the last month and she never thought she’d have so long of a break. To which I’m thinking, ah..... yeah, try being me for a change on that. Though she has yonks more experience. I asked what she was in recently and she said she was in a 10 minute play in Sacramento (sounded like it was run rather weird, even weirder than this one) and a kids’ show. I am actually rather surprised that she got into stuff because she said her back hurts like hell and again, she couldn’t get off and on the stage without assistance. I can’t help but think “if you’re that fragile, I’d be nervous to cast you myself.” I didn’t say that, though. I also find it amusing, albeit probably a bad idea, that she openly grumbles when she isn’t getting to read enough. I can’t say I haven’t thought the same, but maybe don’t say it aloud while you’re there?

I also had no comment to her asking to be on the Winters board and getting no response (“they like me, but not that much,” she said, and well, yeah, probably....I have the same effect on folks myself though) and saying that she didn’t know if she’d be directing Shakespeare or not. Though if she does, I think I’m in there.

Anyway, I have to say that she was hilarious as Mrs. Bennet. She did very well, but it’s a shame she can’t do that role because I was having a hard time not losing it on stage watching her twittering. There was another moment when I watched the other two ladies reading Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Gardiner and then they swapped roles and I was all, “oh, that’s better.” The female director lady was suddenly much more interesting as Mrs. Bennet and the other lady made a much more soothing Mrs. Gardiner.

Honestly, I like her in a “walking cartoon character” sort of way and find her amusing, but I can see why a lot of other folks Have Issues too. (Yes, I did text Scott about this again...he said he’d prefer they get someone else.) Hell, I had some issues. But anyone who wants to cast me is gold in my book for that. And it was fun hanging out. So I am undecided on how I’d feel about them getting another director or not...though overall it might get a lot of people back into trying out for that show if they found someone else. I guess the issue is that nobody wants to direct it, though. Anyway, I have nothing to do with that and it's not under my control, shrug emoji or whatever.

So I’m happy that I went to the audition after all and for the moment, am in a much less asstastic mood. Even though I had ... issues.... maintaining a focus on positivity today, like to the point where I bet that cosmically doesn’t like, count or whatever. at least the day improved from there. So we’ll see.

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