I had another EFT/tapping session Friday night and it was quite a wringer. It started out on tapping about how I am mad at the universe for leading me on/kinda making a promise it wasn't going to fulfill about LA, etc. (This was based off of the idea of "maybe you were just supposed to go down there to prove you could go to LA" and then I was all, then why dangle the carrot in front of me and then not fulfill it? Jerk!) And then it morphed into how I'm mad at the universe for doing what it did to Dad. With crying. Hooooooo boy. I was pretty exhausted for the rest of the night and went to bed early and slept pretty long the next day. It was intense. Kinda hard to describe. Ended up finishing on the note that I want more magic to be in the world. Mom asked me what I "resolved" after that and I said I don't think you can really resolve anything about that particular topic of why does God answer certain prayers and not others. (Though the author Olive Ann Burns gave it a game shot in Cold Sassy Tree. Her explanation boiled down to "you can only ask for spiritual help to bear it," more or less?)

It's a shame I'm going to have to quit after this class ends (she's starting another class after this one) but I can't keep shelling out hundreds a month. At least I don't think I should-- then she said she'd drop the price for a returnee because she's doing class #1 again) a month at this point. Well, I'll think about it.

I think I need to force myself into doing more tapping on my own, but on specific topics instead of just at random while on the phone. Like every time I start missing ex-friends and am getting whiny, or am angsting about the apartment situation, or am being all wistful about wanting things to be different.

Oh, that reminds me: the car has NOT filled with water again during the last big rainstorm!!!!!! WHEW! I don't know if it's the "cleared pipes" or the duct tape I put on the top of the sunroof, but it's dry in there! HUZZAH! And also WHEW! (for now)

I find it very hard to maintain optimistic belief for five days a week. Right now I am feeling rather optimistic for me, but then again I know it won't last past about 8:30 Monday morning. I want to believe that things can get better and more magical and less OMG THE WORLD FUCKING SUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKS in the way that it is. It's just hard to maintain when reality is kicking me in the crotch or dropping anvils on my head. And I have to find ways to cope with the real world dragging me down that don't involve fantasies about shit that will never happen.

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