Chaos Attraction

Memorial Service

2015-12-01, 5:34 p.m.

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So apparently the notifylist stopped working and nobody said anything about it to me and I can't find anything about it. Grrr. Have now replaced with TinyLetter.

Hi, Holidailies. I'd normally have well, several different posts for the first day, but I just came from a memorial service, so that's what you're getting. Whee, huh? Anyway, this one involves death and talk of possible but not confirmed suicides, so I won't be offended if you click away--but it was actually pretty sweet today.

Anyway, it was the memorial at work for the fellow mentioned here and here. You should probably read those entries to know where this one is going. I still haven't heard more about how he died beyond well, that last entry. For obvious reasons I haven't felt too comfortable asking anyone who's more likely to know. It still doesn't seem right to say it was....that, you know? Hell, I don't know. Can't find anything online either.

So they had the memorial today and I got permission to get out of work to go, I talked to a few people, including the fellow's cousin since we were both taking photos of the slide show going in the background. I was pleased to see my cousin (who did not surprise attend this, I was kind of wondering but I'm sure it's gotta be finals week or something for her) in two photos, one at a baseball game and one that I am pretty sure was the day we met him, at the world's rainiest triathlon. Hell, my mom probably took that picture.

The first lady talking said she was still in shock, still angry some days, still having magical thinking moments--that word is the one thing that made me almost tear up, but I'm a cranky ol' bitch who doesn't cry much, and it was actually kind of an upper memorial service, one of those where people tell cheerful stories. The second lady was his professor during college and got him into his career--apparently he was insta-hired upon doing an informational interview? Wow.

The final speaker was his mom, who was...I can only say, she was the cheeriest mom of a dead kid you've ever seen in your life. She was amazing. You can definitely see that perpetual cheerfulness (something emphasized in the quotes in the slide show) came from her, because wow. Anyway, she told fun stories of how he was a good son, the times they went on trips, he loved musicals, etc.

And she mentioned that she was surprised that she wasn't losing it and crying and screaming like you'd expect, and since this was the second death this year--her brother died in January--you'd think she would. She said she did a lot of crying for her brother, but it doesn't sound like she has here so much? Anyway, she said she figured out why it was because the last time she talked to her brother she was trying to scold him to move back to the States and felt bad about that--but apparently things were fine with her and her son, so.

Go figure. Well, I'm happy for you, ma'am. You sound delightful. (I wonder if Kristen knows her? Probably can't ask though.)

Anyway, she finished off by saying that they weren't going to tell his grandparents in the Philippines that he died because they were old and have dementia/Alzheimer's and why upset them. Since he normally sent cards they'll be able to pull that off, but as for the phone call...well, their memory's not that good, they'll just tell him he already called. Oy vey. Well, good luck with that.

Anyway, it was quite an experience to go to this. I miss the guy, I'll always wonder what went down because it just seems wrong, but he was a lovely person and well loved.

Also, weird coincidence that I'm watching Criminal Minds on DVD and then the episode I left off watching features a Day of the Dead party. I'm a little verklempt at the moment.

Recently another fellow I didn't know super well--he was a guy I bought jewelry from at craft fairs periodically--died. He's apparently had health problems for the last few years and had to close his store, wasn't running his booth any more and passed it on to friends, but was still updating the mailing list/his webpage with cheerful stuff. The last entry he wrote, he was going on about how he was doing all this dancing despite his health issues, because apparently he was still up to doing that. And then the next day I get an e-mail saying he was suddenly dead--and well, it seemed to imply he did it himself. A few days later I went to Harvest Festival with Mom (she commemorated his loss by buying a shit ton of earrings as presents) and we paid our respects to the new booth people, as were others.

I don't even know what to make of cheerful people dying right now.


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