2012-12-03, 3:46 p.m.
recently on Chaos Attraction
Okay, since it's a Monday and god knows ain't nothing interesting happening on a Monday (or for that matter, most of the rest of the week), I'll do the requisite Holidailies intro post today. Combining it with an updated FAQ page, since I last updated that in... who knows.
Updating from last year:
Home Stuff: No floods so far in 2012. Huzzah. I should probably try to clear out space and get a roommate in the future, but I have a mental meltdown at the idea of dealing with it, so I do nothing.
Mom: Mom isn't seriously dating anyone. Her dumbass ex still calls periodically, but she appears to be getting sick of him. Good.
Work: The national news drama that went down last year has happily died down within the last year. It's pretty peaceful now, which is surprising.
I did yet another temp job within my office during most of the summer, which went well. I also found out around review time that the computer program that I had worked on for the last 10 years was being discontinued because the vendors have turned into drooling idiots who can't fix anything any more. Which of course meant I was no longer needed there. Buuuuut...the manager on temp job #3 liked me, and could I switch over into another area of the office permanently? Fine by me. So in August I moved over there. I now work in "the party office." My work load is off and on, which is really strange, but...whatever. I have to work with the public more now, so that's a change. Anyhoo, work is good and everyone likes me in the party office, so that's nice. My old boss comes by to visit, which is sweet.
Friends: The aforementioned ex-friend returning situation pretty much went the same this fall as it did last fall. Didn't hear from her at all whatsoever the rest of the year except for when she's teaching her class. Her fiancee is awkward when I run into her in public. I give up there. They're all just circumstantial friends at best and that's all it's ever going to be now. I'll see 'em next fall.
Jackie is still around--she had a nasty accident in Peru, but has recovered. She recently came into town to see David Sedaris. Last I heard, Jess is presumably moving around Arizona somewhere soonish, but I don't know more than that. She is busy most of the time. and takes a long time to respond to anything, probably due to that. Merry is drifting out of my life--she doesn't volunteer any more, but did attend some classes the ex-friend held this fall so I saw here there. She keeps wanting to get together and then it never happens because her husband wants to do something else. Or...well, who knows there. I still love her and all, but if we're still talking a year from now, I'll be surprised, especially since I am not in the Burning Man crowd or constantly on Facebook.
Mostly these days I am hanging out with Craft Center folks. I hang out with my new friend L most weekends (she has an unusual first name and I figure it's nicer of me to not have that turn up while she's job hunting), and she is on the same volunteer shift as me, so that's fun. L will have to move away for work probably sometime within the next year or two, so I an enjoying her while she's still here. You'll probably hear about her a lot this month because I am cat-sitting for her while she's in Iceland this month, and may hang out with her towards the end of the month. I also hang out with Monica from time to time. She is job hunting and working at craft fairs a lot to make money. I haven't really seen Dawn much in the last few months because she injured her foot and I was out of town and she was. We'll probably reconnect at some point.
Vacation: I went to the East Coast on a tour of visiting the relatives that actually like us in September. I wrote entries on paper and took pictures, but havne't posted them here yet. I think I will start posting them here on days where I don't have anything new to say. I also briefly went to San Luis Obispo for a wedding this summer, but I already put that in the archives. On the week of December 17-21, Mom is off from work (she's specifically NOT being allowed off work the week after Christmas, which is when I have to have off), so she wants me off to run around San Francisco all week or whatever. Other than her buying super-damn-expensive Lion King tickets for that Wednesday, nothing is set yet. She is psyched about SF, I am not, but whatever. I don't really care any more.
Driving: I have occasionally heard from my old driving instructor this year (surprise), but overall she has moved on form me like most folks in that crowd did, so what can you do. I got a Zipcar membership and have been slowly figuring out how to drive alone over the last year.. With the occasional exception week for vacation or some such, I have driven once a week for almost every week of the year for practice. I don't know if I am going to keep doing that in this coming year, though. Maybe I'll just save the money and only drive when I need to go somewhere now.
I have driven as far as Roseville and Folsom by myself. I did a long drive to Redding accompanied. I need to work my way up to driving to and around the Bay Area, but I don't want to do that for the first time alone (or with Mom, who still loses her shit when I drive), so I haven't done it yet due to lack of people. I probably should. When I have been cat sitting for L, she has loaned me the use of her car, so I periodically have had a loaner to tool around in for more than a few hours at a time. It's nice. I'll have her car again this winter, I think I may take it to Folsom for their street fair this coming weekend.
As for getting my own car...I don't think that is going to happen. I fucked myself for credit for life, I'm not willing to clean out my savings to buy a car in cash, Mom, well, let's just say it's probably better if she doesn't assist on this in any way, and I am terrified of car salespeople. If I'm never going to move away, it's not like I am going to need a car anyway, so why bother.
Moving: Five years ago after my dad died, I decided that now was the time to start figuring out what to do with my life. All I've figured out is what not to do. I announced last year that I wanted to move to LA and figure out what else to do with my life there. That will not be happening because in a year and a half I still haven't figured out a plan/dream/goal to do while I'm there, or how to get a car, or even how to plan a scouting trip down there.. I am very, very tired of the endless mental limbo of "I don't knoooooooow" about this shit and I am not getting any clues from the universe either.. I haven't found a "yes" to anything that I want to do and I have the skills for and it's stable employment by someone else rather than freelancing (which, guess what, I figured out I don't want to do either). I don't have the fire in my gut about anything in order to climb every mountain and do whatever the hell it takes. I just don't. I'm perpetually bugged enough to be dissatisfied and not bugged enough to go through the hell and high water. I cannot take this limbo shit no more, and I can no longer take waiting around for WHATEVER to finally kick in in my brain to make shit happen.
I tried to choose to go and I couldn't get myself to. I need to choose to stay and be fine with it. Things are just going to stay the same and that's how it is. I spent last night taking down or deleting the various LA things around the house/in my computer and I feel better already. It's time to stop pretending anything is gonna be otherwise. Whatever the people who "make it" have, I just don't have it.