Ashley's sick again. Has a cold, going to primary care, has chest and lung pain :( So far not testing positive for covid, at least. Last she texted, she said they thought it was rhinovirus? She called me later to say she wasn't in the hospital for the time being. Meanwhile, I'm still fine as ever and I was last around her Monday. She's blaming the illness on karaoke, but I dunno on that score.

Continuing in other people's medical news, one of the screws they put into Steve's back is causing excruciating pain when it hits a nerve, and they are going to remove it Friday morning since apparently it's not totally necessary. Fingers crossed.

On the "good job, Jennifer, you did adulting things," I finally paid my therapist, a task that has literally dragged out for months due to technical reasons, don't ask. This was along with another bill and sending my mom the tax info, then realizing I need to order stamps for the other bills coming up (oops), except apparently the post office won't be sending them too fast this week and probably not for another week or two. Oops. I hooked Val up with a grief group my neighbor down the street runs, so hopefully that works out. Oh yeah, and yesterday I canceled my Philo account because Mom kept objecting every month to seeing the $25 charge, and emailed her to tell her, and today she was all, "Oh, you can keep it!" facepalm Okay, so fine, I'm reactivating and gonna watch "The Way Home," it seems to have a lot of fan interest for...something.

This morning I actually felt capable and smart at work, obviously something that's not going to last (she says, writing at noon). Apparently Big Boss has actually asked for us to keep track of all of the problems with people needing early awarding (meeting to come) and I started going through all of the emails SINCE 2018* and honestly? I sound freaking capable and not like I'm a total fuckup and idiot. I just wish that was something current management would recognize...not that OldBoss ever will.

* see, this is why I say to never throw out anything at work, ever. I found emails from 2013 today.

Today's shaming meeting was, god bless, shorter than usual. It was once again nitpicking how I respond to emails, nitpicking how I was trying to figure something out and not taking the hint to read the procedures and copy-paste them, and I can't even explain why I couldn't do something so simple. All I can say is I did go to a medical professional, I have no excuse for being stupid and having a lopsided brain which is very smart in some areas and just SO FUCKING STOOPID in others.

As for the emails, guess what: I'm not going to "tackle" the ones I have doubts about or don't want to take lead/point on any more. I forwarded ONE financial question email and it caused all this drama about how I should have been investigating it even though as far as I could tell it was a managerial fix because managers have to do the refunds....sigh. I don't want to have to message NewBoss directly about every single email ever, especially on anything not urgent or needs to be researched or forwarded or whatever, that seems much, sigh. I think I just...will leave that to others.

They were all, "why don't you talk more, ask more questions, give suggestions," etc. and I said I get in trouble the more I speak and frankly, I'd rather NOT get in trouble for speaking since I have no idea how I manage to offend everyone all the time and the best way not to do that is to keep quiet. Like "why don't you have any suggestions as to how to revamp the email box?" and I said "I got outvoted last time on that, I don't want to have a different opinion from other people, that's bad," and managed to negotiate that to "Hey, how's about I tell you which sections we actually use," which turned into "Why don't we all just say which ones we use and which we don't in the next meeting?'" Whew.

Though they did say I hadn't fucked anything else up recently, so that's nice. And I told them I had an idea for categorizing all those requests and they were quite happy with that, and then were all "See, in some areas you're smart," and I was all, "I know! I don't know why I'm so freaking stupid in others!"

So yeah, even though I was squeezing a squeeze ball so hard I'm surprised I didn't rip it to shreds, it was only about 35 minutes of shame and could have gone a lot worse, so there's that. I don't want to cry/drink myself to death at the moment, anyway.

I did go to tap class. There was a substitute, Abby, who I liked quite a lot. She had fun music choices because she normally teaches kids ("Counting Stars" does surprisingly well for a tap class) and we were definitely all out of breath/getting a workout with this one. She kept it pretty simple and yet complicated, somehow? Story of tap, I think. I did meet someone else from DMTC there named Laura--another nerd girl! I guess she hasn't been there since prepandemic, but she's now in Pirates. Hopefully I get to know her better later.

Okay, I watched the first episode of The Way Home: It involves some kind of TIME HOLE PORTAL THING in which teenage Alice somehow manages to walk into 1999 in which she meets her mom as a teenager and the whole family's together/not dead. There's a hot nerdy neighbor next door (in modern times he grows up to be a science teacher) and at the end of the episode Alice, having met him in her own time and he offers her help, takes Teenage Elliot up on his 'any time" offer. Back in the present, mom Kat finds a Polaroid taken by her little brother of her and Alice, and Science Teacher Elliot texts that he is sure Alice will come home. How does he know? He just knows...

INTERESTING.

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