Welp, 1/8 of a gummy did not work. I laid awake for two hours wondering when it was going to "kick in" and feel different, not that I noticed. Then I proceeded to have a dream about a little old lady serial killer calling me at work. Then I woke up irrevocably at 4:30. So, fails all around! I still have 1/8 of one around, I guess I will finish that off tonight (no point in trying to get 8 hours on a night where I know I have to get up too early, won't sleep anyway, and probably shouldn't eat 3/4 of one at one go) and then raise it to 1/4 for the weekend.

Work: quiet, thank goodness. I did an interview panel and once again, got an interviewee who clearly wasn't going to get hired here. I had to ask how she dealt with conflict and she straight up said she's a people pleaser, hates conflict, and avoids it. Since the entire fucking job is being yelled at by mad people... no. I note we hire a lot of 20-year-olds or so to answer the phones and interviewing ones BRAND NEW to the working world can be kinda painful because the poor things don't have that much experience yet and have no idea, in some cases, how to answer stuff. This one actually managed to say things, which is what the last one failed to do, but she didn't have any examples of things either. I have another one tomorrow but don't have high hopes since I have a streak of "nopes." I note that so far the manager hiring them has made offers to three, one accepted, two pending, a fourth one he decided on but hasn't contacted yet. I will note that one of the others in the panel said she interviewed here with a fever of 102, but she got the job. Good job, girl!

At lunch, I talked with Yemi about the Stitches drama. They still haven't actually FILED for bankruptcy yet, Yemi's theory is they'll do it Friday and hope people don't notice. I have been writing this whole thing up for our mailing list and she said I couldn't mention all the shit the owner guy has been cited as getting up to in case he sues me, but I can post links. True, but sigh anyway. I am thinking about that far more than my job, it's a lot more interesting than More Tedious International Crap this week.

I was supposed to talk to Melinda tonight, but she's somehow sick AGAIN. At this point, I give up on rescheduling. I took a walk around the neighborhood for an hour instead. Another night where I feel like I have nothing to do. I went looking for henna and nowhere in town sells it any more, which is super annoying. Then here I am on the patio with crochet. And rehearsing "One Day" for the Spamalot audition.

Robert will pick me up tomorrow after work, sounds like we're eating in the town.

Tomorrow I see Scott again, albeit mostly from a distance. I'm going to try to keep my laugh quiet, but that isn't very likely. (Like, can I eat a pillow while wearing a mask?) Seriously, god bless mask wearing and people not being able to see my face during moments like these. I'm going to wear a mostly dark-ish outfit and try to blend in-ish (well, for me anyway) and hide in the back as much as possible.

I miss him. I miss him every day. I hate this. But it's for the best for me to harden my heart away from someone like that, someone who had to throw a public shit fit to get me to go the fuck away. To not be in shows with him any more. To learn to not care about someone who feels like that about me.

I'll probably be hoping he's super happy to see me, but, y'know, Cameron will be there and she's his favorite forever and I'm chopped liver. Also he has clearly Lost That Lovin' Feeling, the cord is cut, the relationship is dead except for a few remnants here and there. We're not going to reunite like last time.

This is going to be a relapse that messes me the fuck up, for sure. Not a good thing. But I want to see it even if it's going to depress the shit out of me.

I really wish I could have talked to Melinda about it.

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