From last night's email, Rodney: "Who knew Dona Maria was a cold-blooded rapier assassin in another life."

Work: in the stupid month+ long war of "We want to make up our own inaccurate dates" vs. "We have rules we are supposed to follow," THE RULES HAVE WON, as I said from the get-go, but nobody listens to me. I note that the annoying dude currently running this office is driving everyone nuts, refusing to tell us where to mail anything, and we're having to spend a ton of money to platinum rush what he wants, on our own dime. I had a conversation with OldBoss today where I was all "yeah, his predecessor had no idea where the money was coming from for them to pay for mail," and she was all, "yeah, I bet it's 100% free on us. Aren't we lucky our office has so much money." A-HEM. Anyway, I ended up doing one order, which was not what we expected to do, but....whatever.

Therapy: I'm a whiny brat and my therapist quite rightly thinks I just need to shape up and get over it and stop thinking about you-know-who already. He's just an acquaintance at this point, there's nothing to save, he's probably not missing you since he's having an awesome, busy life. Why do you care? Because I'm lonely and sad and not meeting anyone else anywhere else I go and I want to find a replacement, dammit, in regular old real life. I don't want to go back to not having someone to care about, so I cling and cling and act like my mother in not getting over anything.

Karaoke: went to ye olde pizza one with Ashley tonight, she said she was full and then we split pizza and s'more pizza, which was DELICIOUS. We played with yarn--I got Ashley to make a few flowers for my Halloween costume ("you always bring something for me since I don't bring my own"), while I took out my damn dress again because I did half of it in single crochet and half of it in half double crochet. This is the fourth time I've taken it out and this yarn DOES NOT LIKE BEING TAKEN OUT.

I did "Cake By The Ocean," "Uptown Funk," and per a request from Ashley to do something funny, Jim suggested Big Balls, which of course I ended up doing when surprise, there were a bunch of like 14-year-olds in there all of a sudden...I hope they weren't filming that, but who knows :P Jim, however, suggested it like, "like that guy...you know his name...used to do?" Me: "You don't need to remember his name, he's gone." Annoyingly, Jim continued to bring him up and the brilliant time he did that song at Matthew's house....what's his name again? Scott. He's moved on from us all. As I was saying in therapy today, I REALLY WISH PEOPLE WOULDN'T KEEP BRINGING HIM UP AROUND ME. I'm so sick of pretending things are okay, and I didn't really today.

Ashley is being bullied by some shithead who's bullied her since seventh grade. I note they are out of high school now, but he's trying to bully her out of some club they're both in, she's reported him, it doesn't sound like it's going terribly well and she's kinda traumatized (they wanted her to give a list of things he's done to her, she didn't want to). But she said it was kind of good to get it out in the open and have it not be a secret.

I tried to bring that up in therapy: that I'm tired of hiding this shit and pretending things are okay. I have no choice but to pretend things are okay at work, but I'm tired of pretending I'm fine with Scott when I'm not. I want to tell my friends already, and my therapist was all, "what do you expect to get out of that?" and I dunno, exactly? Advice? I don't think they'd tell him, anyway. I'm just tired of pretending things are fine when they are so not fine and so not okay. But it only makes things worse if you throw shit fits and have problems, doesn't it. It's a minefield for me every time I say I have a problem, like Mom with the ticket switching (she did very nicely get us switched this time without complaining TOO much that it's $3 per ticket to switch...so what, $9?), or me asking if we could get the alphabetizing fucking working on programs at work (bosses agreed this was ridiculous when it works for other people). It's not like he's going to ask or wonder, nobody's going to know.

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