Monday: Dull day, but at least it was dry (tomorrow shall pour and ain't nobody going out). Had to go into the office, piddled along through work stuff. Had a meditation class over Zoom and around 35 minutes in, she started playing some song. This was SO LOUD it went through my headphones and kept on playing even after I put the computer on mute. I had to log out. Geeeeeez. Had a meeting with NewBoss, that went fine.

Attempted to go to karaoke with Ashley afterwards, but the bar was pretty much empty and we were the only ones singing for an hour. (It was so empty I had my mask off the entire time, that's how bad it was.) At which point it was ended because "there's a basketball game on" and nobody else had come in to sing...until Jim started packing up and THEN people showed up. AWKWARD. So now I am home. Oh well, at least I introduced Jim to the wonders of the band Haim, so there's that.

On the way home from work, I found a "Love" heart shaped balloon holder thing....the same thing I found in 2019 that kicked off the whole Scott thing. I have been seeing/finding heart things and ignoring them these days and not even writing them down. I was all "this again?!" and wanted to text my therapist, but she's in Jamaica.

Awful Tuesday.

Today was supposed to be a horrible storm day, but it was seriously SUNNY by like 5 p.m. and nobody's power went out at all here (did at mom's). Go figure. There's some drama going on in this town--a hate event is being run on campus and the chancellor openly said they can't do anything legal to stop it, which is pissing people off--and people were hoping it would be rained out. I guess not.

Work: I'm a fuckup and a failure yet again. Now I'm in trouble because I asked someone if they were sure about making a particular decision, they didn't get back to me for weeks about their mailing, and now they're mad that I didn't order it and demand that I order it immediately, which means I have to report myself to my supervisor, who will in turn report on me to BigBoss for my failure because we'll get charged $6 for this.

THIS IS HOW MY LIFE GOES I WISH I COULD DIE SO I COULD GET OUT OF THIS.

Also, someone else decided to email everyone including the CEO complaining about why she didn't get what she wanted--which is so categorically not my decision that I should not be involved in this, for fuck's sake.

KILL ME NOW I WANT TO DIE SERIOUSLY I AM SO SICK OF BEING A FUCKING FAILURE EVERY FUCKING DAY.

Also UPS is once again refusing to deliver and NewBoss did not believe me when I pointed out that their lyingly optimistic language really translates into "we are refusing to deliver" (note: if they ask you to come pick it up, THAT MEANS THEY WON'T DELIVER IT). So I reported this, and then was told "Oh, it showed up after all!" So I had to apologize for saying anything.

KILL ME NOW. My next Punishment Meeting is scheduled for tomorrow morning.

Singing: did the end of "Watch What Happens" (always interesting to start from the rear, as it were, or in this case the hard parts). That was probably about the best part of the day. After that we griped about our jobs a bit, as one of her coworkers was being 'tudey and walked out in mid-shift. Me: "I bet she goes through a lot of jobs."

And then Ted Lasso was out a day early, so I watched that with wine.

I don't feel the Scott thing as much today. Maybe it'll finally die off. I hope.

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