Chaos Attraction

An Excellent Therapy Session

2020-10-06, 10:26 p.m.

Work: not much to say (more emails, more training), but I did get an interoffice buddy of mine to write a complimentary email to my boss, who did forward it on to me and Grandboss. So, yay and huzzah there.

Theater news: In local theater news, Winters is coming back for 2020-2021, and not just Robin Hood either. They are going to do the 10 minute play festival as a podcast. I immediately sent it on to Kelly saying "Enter Tailwind!" She shall. The one thing this year is that there won't be auditions, the playwright has to bring in their own director, cast, put the whole thing on themselves, etc. Kelly is fine with that, other than it being a bit of a stretch on the guy actor--she may be able to get one--and then figuring out the fart sound. And of course I get into the show if she's directing her own :) WOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

However, they are still planning on doing The Miracle Worker and A Midsummer Night's Dream live- action in 2021....let's see if that's doable or not, I guess. I'm concerned that they are still going to try to do Miracle Worker in spring, which means in-person rehearsing in January or so... which will still be virus-o-rama time most likely... um, guys? I know it sucks, but I hope you can postpone that, or film it, or something....? And I have no idea on the Shakespeare timingwise as summer might have slightly better odds, but that kind of leads to the "Are we going to have Laure back or will they get someone else" question again, with added bonus "maybe not have a super frail, not all that sane and really not great with technology lady directing during a pandemic?" thoughts on my part.

I finished the Dissent collar. I am pretty proud of it. It's definitely been converted to Jennifer-style.

Play rehearsal: Had my first rehearsal (of sorts) for Charlotte's Web tonight. No script as yet (supposed to get it tomorrow), so it was more of an hour hangout, get to know each other, breakout rooms and introductions chatty thing. Rehearsal schedule isn't set yet but I gather the first two weeks have a lot of schedule issues and after that is pretty open, so I may have to leave work at 4 some days. Tomorrow's meet and greet has an early half hour "party games" section to it as well. Thursday night is the first readthrough. There were 22 people in it--about 4 staff people and the rest of us cast. I may try to do a cast listing thing later once I get down who's playing what in full, etc.

Quotes and notes: "Part of why you're here is that we saw you being creative." -Sean the director “I love that community theater has turned into global theater.” -Sean

After finding out that Jude does gymnastics: "Jude, you're gonna do a Zoom flip at some point, it's gonna happen." -Sean

One girl, Paige, is very hammy and introduces one person like she is on the radio. She has written a book on the Civil War and gotten it published on I think it was called "Forced to Be a Redcoat"?

Someone has a goldfish that is 16 years old. “Can we see the goldfish? No, that’s probably a bad idea.” -Sean

Riley and her family are obsessed with chicken nuggets and apparently refer to a lot of items around the house as "nugnug." Sean:" Riley, I’m going to nickname you nugnug from now on, that’s happened.” (As well it should.)

Apparently Illy was asked about who her favorite sibling is and declined to state. "You shouldn't show favoritism toward siblings. That's good. They'll punch you in the face." -Alisha "I'm not saying, my sister is right next door to me." -Illy
Later Illy is introducing the kid playing her brother in the show.
Sean: "And he's honestly your favorite sibling, right?"
"That way I can't make my sisters mad." -Illy

Several people's favorite musical is Hamilton. Yes, that's kids saying that. Huzzah for the kids.

Brennon on Emmeline: "She had donkeys in Las Vegas. That's crazy."

Riley, currently sporting a 'stashe and a bit of facial hair, asks Sean about shaving it, as he was kind of intending on doing so tomorrow. Sean said they'd discuss it after. Jack (playing my husband): "I'm wondering if I should grow a beard or not because if I need one, I should have started last month." Sean: "We'll just have you use Riley's beard." Riley: "I'm fine with donating it." Mac: "So weird. So weird."

I attempted to go to knitting group tonight--at least to inform Kathleen that I'm not sure when I will be in in the future--but doesn't look like she's actually there, as it hasn't started yet. Ah well, can find other things to do. Instead I finished watching Legends of Tomorrow, which has an Avengers-esque fight while "Thong Song" is being sung in the background. I also read a Tingler.

Therapy: honestly, this was probably one of the best sessions. "I'm proud of you, btw." I started out by saying I was getting all triggered by how conversation wasn't going well and this was reminding me of various exes right before they dumped me, but this turned out not to be the case and she said, "He is not your average guy." Certainly true, and that's one of the reasons why I keep on holding on, as it were. Good ones are rare and hard to find, from what I recall about reading Attached, while the avoidants are always hopping back into the dating pool.

Re: card and whether or not it was too much:
"All you said was you wanted to hold his hand. You didn't say you wanted to fuck his brains out!"
"All it means is that you like him. So what? He likes you. So what?"
"Don't take yourself so seriously, girl!"
"You basically gave him the impression that you didn't want to talk about it, so he was being respectful." (Me: well, more like, "probably not a great idea to read this in public at your work with your mom and who knows who else around, given the subject matter." Not that I care if his mom knows, but this seemed like an anvil you don't drop at work.)

When I said that I don't want to be pushy on someone who doesn't want to because I've been on the other side of that too many times: You know what it's like when they are stalking you/not respecting your boundaries. Which you are not doing. You are respecting his boundaries.
"If anything, you are being too respectful," hypersensitive.
"He's been encouraging you, not discouraging you."
"You really have got to give yourself a break here. Seriously."

I asked her what she would do in my situation and she said she had no idea.

My feeling of impending dumping: I blow things out of proportion, I'm not being pushy, and "you literally give something and run away."
Ditch n' run gives them a really weird feeling.
"That's just your feeling about it."
Sometimes intuitions are on target or not, especially if it involves other people.
"You believe bullshit that's in your head rather than checking it out."

"Suicide is a way of saying, 'I hate where I'm at.' We established that I am not actually suicidal and hell, she felt the same way recently while trying to deal with insurance paperwork, making her want to jump into the East River. "I didn't feel like I had many options and I didn't know how to make myself feel better." She finally just cried and then meditated.

"Congratulations, ballsy one."

No therapy next week, but I wanted to leave it with a bang ;)

On other topics:
* She recommended a lawyer to Redhead Sarah as well (no reaction from her, I assume at this point she's just not going to call....I give up, I tried, it's on her and there's nothing more I can do).
* I briefly told her about Jackie shaming me for spending money on Baby Yodas and she just straight up said "What a bitch."
* Told her about the play, of course.
* She wants a Baby Yoda. Not sure how we're gonna do that one, but sure....

I did text Scott tonight to tell him about Charlotte's Web, Robin Hood, the 10 minute play festival and the live shows in the future. He did not seem to have the concerns I do about March 2021, and then was all "we'll see" on Shakespeare. (In all honesty, I kinda hope for a different director for many reasons.... I may like Laure in a cartoon character sort of way, but good lord, I shudder at her directing in a pandemic. I really don't want to think about what is probably going on with her, I assume it isn't good mental health wise even if she hasn't caught anything.)

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