Chaos Attraction

The End of Postables

2020-12-30, 8:08 p.m.

Vacation Day 12:
Hours of sleep: Over eight, so screw you, new dental protocols!
Exercise: Yeah, this is the last day of the Postables marathon, so I did not.
Dumpster fire ornament: I made this!
Patchwork sweater: Started putting/sewing pieces together today. I'm happy with how that's going. Should have the fronts and sleeves done by the end of today, then just need to wait for the other pieces to finish drying and sew the back together, then we'll see.

Other Activities:
I ordered groceries. They came quick and on time, yay. However, while I was in the midst of dealing with that, (a) Reggie heard me, asked for his movie back (I returned it) and then (b) Mom called yelling that her email had been hacked and I have to change my password RIGHT NOW. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

I am debating whether or not to sign up for any online activities for NYE tomorrow. I suspect I am not in the mood to hang out on Zoom with complete strangers till 9 p.m. Eastern and still have three hours to go after that, I dunno. I think my only plan is to text "Fuck 2020" to people at midnight, probably with the John Oliver blowing up 2020 gif.

Today's Viewing:
Last day of the Postables marathon and I gotta cram 'em in before they expire! Made it just under the wire!

SSD: The Impossible Dream:
Wait a minute, is this the lost mom from the last episode?! Yes! Yes, it is! The Postables are in a closed session hearing in DC about it now?
“--the Miss Special Delivery pageant--” “Is that a real thing?” I’VE BEEN SAYING THAT ALL ALONG, SIR.
Rita’s talent now is READING ALOUD FROM HER NOVEL. This is so Twenty Pageants Later.
Oliver has now inherited so much money the lawyer comes to him. She asks him about early retirement “And quit the post office?!”
Oliver plans to return to the scene of the crime and revisit the Postal Museum again. Oliver hints as to whether or not Shane is going to go seee Steve, she has no plans. She lies, she calls him. Later, Steve STAKED OUT HER HOTEL, that is creepy as shit. And tackle picks her up in front of all the dudes and UNCOMFORTABLE ENSUES.
Phoebe and grandpa are trying to get answers in DC. Good luck with that. Apparently Shane called Steve because he’s some kind of secret agent and she wanted help for Phoebe.
Uh-oh, Rita has to learn a tap dance routine for today. I can’t even and I want to block that out. “Everybody’s out of step but you,” says Norman, while handing out water.
I’m not going to recap it all, but the miltary plot seems to be based off that mom trying to escape and setting up a secret code in a letter she had someone sent out, which is based on stuff like the Bible and falling off the bed and the dog’s birthday....yeah, I have no idea, I can’t do secret codes and am not that smart, just go with it. Moral of the story: DO NOT ARGUE WITH OLIVER ABOUT SONG LYRICS.
There’s nothing officially going on with Shane and Oliver...but unofficially.... Steve plants one on Shane and says he’s available now. Eh....I think she’s over him. “I can get you a porch swing,” he says. “I’ve already got one.”
I hate to say it, but Norman has a bit of concerns as to how if Rita wins, she’ll be gone for a year “making speeches.” Later, we find out that Norman sent chapter 14 of Rita’s novel in to “Postal Living Quarterly” and she made it in, on the cover. “You just got my talent compromised,” Rita says, citing some regulation about how you have to be an amateur/unpaid for your talent. *winces* Seriously? Ugh, so he sabotaged her?! Even if it was inadvertent? Couldn’t Rita just like....lose honestly to one of the other 49 states?
Anyway, she gets “Miss Special Handling” and her singer friend gets the title. And the mom is rescued and brought home.
What will Oliver be doing with his money? Buying the land Shane grew up on and I dunno, having a retirement communty for postal workers there? Some other stuff?

From The Heart:
It’s Valentine’s Day!
“Anarchy is....bad?”
“Something about a mailbox and an explosion?”
Shane is feeling bitter, having to deliver other people’s valentines without having a boyfriend herself. I HEAR YA, SHANE. Not that I deliver Valentines, but otherwise, EVERY YEAR.
You have chemistry and a Thing, Rita points out. You’re even starting to talk like him. He’s probably not ready to date yet, Shane sighs.
I thought we were done with the pageant. But Rita came in fourth and the other three ahead of her were suddenly taken out by fate and/or getting into a Broadway show, so....FFS. Also, nobody has a Valentine’s date now.
Oliver is off reading a 15-year-old letter about debate club and then....”Debate prepping takes so much time you really don’t have time to kill someone....” It’s about how this slacker dude keeps being chewed out by a rival debater about how his debates are unstructured, unresearched, and then he makes up shit, and then they seem to be falling in love. This is a great montage except (a) the song behind it is annoying me, and (b) presumed murder.
“We’re out, and I’m not prepared to discuss this Yoo-Hoo free.” Shane is all “I have someone at the restaurant keep an emergency stash for you behind the bar.”
I cannot even quote Oliver’s definition of Valentine’s Day that he produces after Shane mentions crying in the ladies’ room.
Oliver says he’s mailed Shane a Valentine and invite and is now waiting for her response. Even Norman is all “couldn’t you just give it to her?”
Apparently Ryan the debater usually woos the competition, and once her friend outs him for this, she’s mad.
Why is Rita claiming she doesn’t have a boyfriend on television?
Okay, sounds like Ryan accidentally hit a homeless guy with his car while not in his right mind. So...not deliberate murder, at least. The letter is to explain that he’s turning himself in and that’s why he won’t be with her. Awwwwww. Except Ryan did not go to jail...HE’S A GOVERNOR. And Madison (the girl) is a former reporter who got sick a year ago. Is it a bad idea to give this news to someone who could ruin his life, even if he got it expunged as a minor?
Rita doesn’t want the world to know she has a boyfriend. “Do you know what her hashtag is?” “Please let’s not go there.”
They try to deliver the letter to Madison in the hospital, but the nurse says she wouldn’t even let the governor of Colorado do it. So they go to him...
350,000 Valentines and none of them were for me, Shane says in front of Oliver. SEE, THIS IS WHY YOU GIVE IT TO HER IN PERSON. BECAUSE MAIL GETS LOST A LOT, REMEMBER?
Governor Ryan still feels guilty. He and Maddie have had to presume what the other thought all these years by their silence...this sounds like my therapist again. Likewise, Oliver tries to politely point out that he thinks Shane is lying, she said she didn’t get one. She calls him out for being out with “a friend.” “Well, one can be one’s own friend....” OH GOD YOU TWO ARE A MESS. I probably can’t judge, but still.
OH LOOK, THE GOVERNOR IS HERE. And already knows she has a heart issue....and she’s going to die.
Long story short, Oliver’s fancy Valentine ended up accidentally in a box of decorations that ended up in the trash...He had it in fancy calligraphy with a heart he cut out himself. D’awwww.
Rita’s back, holding up signs like Love Actually.
The scene about Ryan trying to make amends for his accidental murder is very affecting.
Finally, they are on a date and WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST ASK ME, OLIVER? “A gentleman never makes assumptions about a lady’s affairs.”
I love how Shane punches Oliver in the arm once she realizes someone is his old crush.

One in a Million:
"Well, something happened, he's considering drinking smoothies and he almost called you Shane!"
"An amuse-bouche is a millennial phenomenon."
The waitress from the date goes to them saying that she wrote a letter to her boyfriend that she wants to get back before he gets it, as he just broke up with her. Except now it's been stolen.
At the fancy restaurant, we're told that Oliver told the server (who was taking bets with her boyfriend as to how long they'd been dating--and said so to their faces!) they were just friends. Shane is mad.
Server: "the way you know each other's allergies--" Uh, that doesn't mean you've been dating for a while. I have four friends with food allergies and we can definitely say I haven't dated any of 'em and yet know this information since it comes up if you go out to eat.
Also, "I have a slight sensitivity to rose hip tea, but I don't expect you to know that." eye-roll.
I'll note that the waiter and her boyfriend apparently improvised a song about "I want to be your friend!" in front of everyone. I'm gonna take a guess that someone may not have gotten a tip? What the fuuuuuuuuck?!
Oliver uncomfortably chugs an entire Yoo-Hoo and is carrying a fake duck, then he announces that someone is stealing mail. "This Time, It's Personal. It's one of our own," he says, fondling his award. They need some kind of help. How's about Dale, Oliver's old policewoman crush?
(I'm gonna have to explain since I didn't bother to recap it from a previous episode: as a young mail carrier, Oliver had a crush on a cop and he would delay getting the mail to see her, and then one day a clown drove into a mailbox and damaged the mail and he felt SUPER GUILTY and transferred to the DLO. Said cop is in his church choir and cute as the dickens. Once Shane realized that...)
I'm not gonna say that all these flashbacks to Oliver and Shane's date shows it as the worst date ever, but lord, it's awkward. Especially since she's been on a few dates with others at this restaurant, and broke up with Steve there. I dunno, Shane didn't seem THAT bothered enough to tell you to go to another restaurant. "I wonder where the gentleman's convenience might be."
Hi Dale the cop! (Oliver likes redheads, I see. Well, who doesn't.)
"Well, he's educated. You don't get too many ransom notes in Latin."
The resentful mail carrier who stole the mail seems to be targeting Dark of Night award winners--the goose from his grandfather's award, kidney beans from the time they helped a girl get a kidney (oh, that worked out? I wasn't clear)....this makes them think O'Tooles are being targeted.
Oh yeah, and Nikki the server ALSO put what turned out to be a winning lottery ticket in that letter. "One must never regret an act of love, Miss Perkins."
Dad's "Dark of Night" award was for rerouting a wedding dress.
Okay, so it's deduced that the culprit (Curly Dudley, Dudley Purley,..."I'm just going to call you Dud") is about to retire and is holding the mail hostage. And then he fires up his fireplace...."Dud! Now is not the time to have a weenie roast!" Anyway, this dude is pissed because he's lost out on Dark Of Night awards to both O'Tooles. (Oliver donates his own cup under the circumstances.) Poor Curly is mad that nobody cares about him or even remembers his name....though he did get a letter from a kid on his route.
Nikki gets the letter and lottery ticket back. She's still sad and wants to be with the guy, but what can you do but wait around for the right guy ...eventually... very eventually.... baking in the oven metaphors.
We find out that Rita's zoo-working ex, Bob, has been scamming her for years asking for money for owls. "Poor Bob. He must have really needed the money."
Graham loves Nikki but was going to break up with her because he was going to give his "move to NYC money" to his mom after she lost her job. "You were obviously in the oven and I didn't realize you were done. Don't ask." Also, she proposes to him! "By the way, we won the lottery." "I know, that's what it feels like--"
Anyway, Oliver and Shane agree to date again. Let's hope it goes better on round 2.

Lost Without You:
The Divine Delivery Theory: letters show up at just the right time to be delivered. Let's prove it, says Oliver's dad.
Case of the week: a messed up envelope sending a T-shirt to a dying....I'm gonna guess it's an animal. In other news, "Eleanor in passports" died and she was a member of Oliver and Dale's church.
"I wonder if she wears her gun under her robe." "It's too hard to sing when you're packin'."
Shane kinda snaps and tells Oliver he should go camping with his dad because time is short. And she's packed his stuff?!? "You're....sending me to camp?!" *dies laughing*
"What's" "Let's say it's the complete opposite of Yoo-Hoo."
I TOTALLY CALLED IT THAT IT WAS A DOG. Rita and Norman track the dog down and buy it for the guy who wrote the letter (apparently the dog's trainer in bomb-sniffing or rescue or something).
Somehow Oliver and his dad get lost in the woods and his dad got injured somehow.... I'm not sure how he had a dramatic reaction from such a small cut, but apparently he did?
After the guys don't return, Shane calls Dale/the police to look into it. Norman and Rita arrive, with Sandy the dog. "What do you call it when a rescue dog shows up when you need one?" Suffice it to say the guys are found, and the dog goes to her rightful person.
After this whole thing, Oliver has had deep thoughts in the woods. Such as, "Life is too short to only drink Yoo-Hoo." Suffice it to say I think he's about ready to move on that whole relationship thing now. He kisses her hand. Awwww.

Higher Ground:
"Eleanor's potato?" "She always wanted a pet." Norman wants it. Shane: "Think of it as a pet rock with the potential to be a side dish." After Shane is all "they're creating a family," about it, Oliver is all, "I have to leave now."
Oliver resolves to go with "Miss McInenery" at work and "Shane" over dinner.
Oliver's dad wants to date again. Like....right now. "When I make a decision, I act." Y'know, not like you and Shane.
This week's case is a musician who lost his home in Katrina.
Norman again: "It was just a misunderstanding at the zoo. I was trying to return the penguin."
Ramon has just bought the Mailbox Grille. Ramon gets Very Emotional as they listen to the letter: a couple potentially in love separated by Katrina. Awww. Unfortunately, Hattie's Bar is no longer there and Hattie herself is presumed dead :(
"You don't just stop loving somebody, especially if you've been lonely your whole life." -Norman. *sniffle*
Um....Hallmark, why aren't we filming them kissing, which is what I'm assuming just happened while we were staring at their coats? This isn't the Hays Code era.
Why is Steve hanging out on Shane's porch?! He needs Shane's hacking skills. Internationally. For a few weeks?! Radio silence. I DISLIKE THIS EXCEEDINGLY.
"I really enjoyed our walk." "So did I." Good lord, the restraints.
"Does she know how you feel? Do YOU know how you feel?" -Dad Oliver said he is "ready to feel something about how I feel" and was "as clear as I know how to be." Sigh. Seriously, Oliver is just exhausting. I don't quite feel like I deal with the same things myself, but GOOD LORD.
"It's taken four weeks what Miss McInenery could accomplish in a day." GOOD LORD. Have they been tediously on the one letter for four weeks without any computers?! "Every night he's still in the office, staring at her blender." Ramon suggests poker as a way to distract Oliver. Rita is "pretty much banned from any casino."
Ramon asks how long they've been together. "In my country you would have been married with twins by now." "....We have a potato."
Ramon suggest tracking the missing Gabe with music, and since he's starting a jazz night.... "If we play it, he will come." That doesn't actually work, but they do hear of a guy who goes to play on the highest ground he can find...and that's Gabe. He's been waiting for 12 years. The Postables continue to look for her but don't mention she's MIA. Oliver actually USED A PHONE...and is not enjoying that, of course. And he is reasonably getting fed up on waiting for someone who's never going to come.
Jeez, Shane's been gone for three months with no paperwork?! Oh, THERE SHE IS, whew.
Oliver knows what a burner phone is?!?! "Sometimes we watch action movies on poker night."
Shane actually thinks Hattie's alive and in Texas.
OOOOH OLIVER IS SOOOOOO MAD SHE'S NOT BACK YET. "I would like my pen back, Ms. McInenery." I'm not entirely sure what is going on here, but Oliver seems to suspect that the mission's over and Steve hasn't let her go back yet.... Oliver's right. Steve could let her go, but hasn't!
Oliver finds Hattie's new bar. "Are you telling me he's still alive?" He brings her to Denver, she breaks into song.
Norman on seeing Rita for the first time, "Norman, that is the girl you're going to sort a lot of mail with." "That's so sweet." Norman then proposes. He got her an owl ring but left it in his other pants.
OH LOOK WHO JUST CAME BACK. And uh....has Oliver been trying to figure out Eleanor's lost kombucha smoothie recipe? (Like he...drank any?) "I have one or two very sincere things to say about Steve," Oliver says.
News since you left: "Norman and Rita are engaged. My father fell in love with a lepidopterist who ran away with a fertilizer salesman."
I love how Oliver the wordsmith CANNOT FIGURE OUT HOW TO PRONOUNCE KOMBUCHA yet is trying to deduce a recipe.

Home Again (dull title):
I missed a lot of this because the groceries came and Mom called and there was Drama. Unfortunately, time is running out on these things as is and I did not feel like I had time to run it back and get all the plot nuances. Some kids were trying to sell a vase, and Rita's hippie parents are dropping by and somehow her mom's glasses ended up in a blender?
Is there any insanity in your family, Norman? Uhhhhhhh....?
The vase got lost, and now the family farm is about to be sold. Oh damn, it's been lost for EIGHTEEN YEARS. "Do you believe in God, Mr. O'Toole?" You know where that's going. Anyway, it's good news except the original three senders have to sign for it and Mary Lou took off 2 years ago.
I love this show, but this is probably the most boring episode of it ever. Possibly because I really couldn't pay much attention to the first 25 minutes of it and I missed details, but also because it involves a farm. Also, the romantic drama is pretty low here other than Meet The Parents.
Oliver briefly gets on satellite video with Mary Lou to get her permission, and indicates that SHE SHOULD REALLY COME HOME NOW, but doesn't get far before the satellite cuts out.
THEN this one goes into the ethical dilemma of Farm Family's Vase is apparently stolen from Europe during WW2. So they can't even sell it in the first place.
Norman eventually finds the owl engagement ring. It has an owl face on it and is quite cute.
"I'm sorry I blended your wife's bifocals." "It wouldn't have been the first time."
The family gives up hope on saving their farm, and the auction will go on. HEY, DOESN'T OLIVER LIKE, HAVE A LOT OF MONEY OR A FOUNDATION OR SOMETHING? I seem to remember that was a plot point. Yup, there he is, buying it. And they recruit Rita's parents to help out with the farm.
Mary Lou comes home, the vase is returned to the surviving family member, who writes a very nice letter saying he's going to put it in a museum.

The Road Less Traveled:
For the record: Rita, at least, has a cellphone and email. I'm just pointing that out on this show. Anyway, they come across a camera and a note from a small child indicating that he's been kidnapped--and that was probably about three weeks ago. Let's use that RV Rita and Norman got gifted with to go find the kid!
Watching a show where a guy is conspicuously sneezing (probably from allergies since a flower convention seems to be going on in his vicinity) is freaking me out in 2020.
Norman is very easily distracted by birds. VERY.
The license plate on the RV says "Norita."
Oliver, if you're freaking out about someone constantly texting your girlfriend to say he loves her, ASK ABOUT IT. JUST SPIT IT OUT. IT COULD BE A RELATIVE FOR ALL YOU KNOW. Also, if she is OBVIOUSLY AVOIDING TALKING TO THAT PERSON, she's probably not sympathetic to talking to them or hooking up?
"Remember when I said I can't drive?" Norman meant that. Legally. I know nothing about Denver, but now I am wondering how public transport friendly it is that "I don't drive" is viable.
"Do you know how many cousins he actually has?" "I don't think even HE knows."
I'm suspecting the mom is fleeing from a bad situation, rather than straight up kidnapping.
Shane's phone died (and she's not looking for another charger?), so she has no hot spot, so she has no laptop, so she had to buy a map. "Who are you and what have you done with Shane McInenery?"
Norman has a learner's permit, which he renews every year but doesn't use it. that how it works in Colorado? Because god knows I had to get multiple permits in CA and they made me take the test every time, you don't get to "renew" it.
Norman tries to drive. I have to say, if you're a noob driver, making him drive a giant barge is... not the best idea? Well, at least they're on backroads, hopefully can't get into too much trouble.
The Postables go to a diner where the owner helped the mom out by sending her somewhere that would let her stay for free. They tell her that it's "government business" and won't say if they're okay or not, and the lady is all "Oh, they were happy and healthy and going to see the dinosaur park." Not sure on that one....
So despite the two of you being romantic couples, we're doing same sex sleeping tonight? I know it's Hallmark, but come on.
Oliver sacks up and ask about the person on the phone. GOOD JOB, OLIVER. She says she's not ready to talk about it yet...SIGH. Come onnnnnnnnnnnn.
Rita and Norman finally talk. Norman says he can fix cars, but he can't pass the driver's exams, as actually driving in streets totally confuses him. (Poor guy.) He's also afraid that insanity runs in his gene pool, which is.... legitimate. He thinks they should adopt. "I have always thought that we were going to adopt," she says.
In a flashback, we see that Mom does plan on taking the kid to see the dinosaurs...somehow.
"Everyone seems awfully....sure...." Oliver notes, and so far people keep saying they're going well, far away from here, I guess. Isn't it more likely that if Rachel (the mom) ran out of money, she's probably....still here? And hired Rachel? Yup, there she is and there the kid is. Her husband is in jail at the moment, though she says he's innocent of the crime. She spontaneously packed up and left to avoid the hometown shame. (Well, at least he wasn't abusive. Whew.) Shane says her sister has a gambling problem that tore the family apart. Yup, that's who was texting. "Tell her you have a boyfriend." This is as cute as Eric Mabius has ever gotten.

To The Altar!
Wait, has the "Mailbox Grille" been renamed to "Chez Ramon?"
The florist "fell in love with the groom from last week's wedding! "Norman,, surely you have a cousin."
We have it finally spelled out regarding all the cousins: six foster families, one forever home, 37 cousins..
Arthur! "The cousin that's the convicted cow tipper?" "That was overturned. The conviction, not the cow."
Sadly, Shane and Rita have no other friends, so the bachelorette party is a bit of a twosome. (I bet Hazel gets an invite, she's like the only other woman on the show now....and maybe Dale?) Shane wants Oliver to throw a bachelor party for Norman, which makes me wince for many reasons.
"I love it when you get all Ms. McInenery on me."
"Who puts a pocket in a wedding dress?" SOMEONE WHO WAS SENSIBLE?! Shane finds a lost letter in a wedding dress that I guess came up in an auction or something....?
"At least she died doing what she loved best. Spelunking." -Rita's mom has died since we last saw her. Ouch. "It was the last thing on her bucket list, so it all worked out."
Norman's grandmother hasn't been found yet. "Does the Rainbow Tribe have internet?" "I don't think so. That's probably why they're so happy." All the invites sent to different places have come back.
The lost dress is made by a local seamstress who made distinctively different dresses for everyone. Rita's dress, alas, sounds like an eyesore ("lots of bows and a cowboy...theme" she borrowed from someone else at work). Evelyn the seamstress will make her one for almost free, thank goodness.
Shane has to tell Oliver what a bachelor party entails: beer and hot wings. "I am texting your father to tell him his son is hopelessly mired in the twentieth century and to have him meet us at your house for an intervention."
"The minister has the measles." Who the heck gets measles now?
"Weddings have a way of making people who aren't getting married feel awkward," Shane says.
Ramon can do the wedding...because of course he's got one of those licenses.
Wow, a LOT of people are going to the bachelor party.
"An O'Toole never wears an ugly green tie. Unless he's going to propose."
"Holly proposed to me and three hours later we were married at City Hall." That explains a lot.
They figure out that the original bride (Adventurous Annalise)'s kid has been writing children's books based off her mom's stories.
OH LORD, NORMAN'S A VIRGIN. I suspected as much, but still. As is she, apparently. Oh, Hallmark. "You're not going TO the movies. You ARE the movie," is Oliver's advice?
They deliver the dress to the author.....whose mom worked for the CIA or something? Maybe? .... and Mom disappeared when she was 12. Who knows what's true any more. She's still getting letters from her mom claiming to be on assignment over the years....what the heck?! Jessica already got married, though. "What if we were to find your mother?" Wait, how did her mother know how she looked....? She was probably at the wedding.
Ramon does couples counseling? "Don't ask."
Grandma attended the bachelor party via video. "Patagonia, darling." The laptop is literally decorated with feathers.
OMG, ARE RITA'S DAD AND GRANDMA HITTING IT OFF. She knew his wife back in the day. Not to mention the Rainbow Tribe. "Are you busy like, 12 hours from now? Can we Skype tomorrow?"
Grandma's wedding gift is a scholarship because "I know how much being postal means to you."
"Nobody smells like my Norman." "Thanks, Grandma."
Annalise is...the cleaning lady at the hotel. She had hallucinations, went into mental health clinic and.... stayed. After the clinic closed, she was homeless, but saw her daughter's book. She got into a clinical trial to get her sanity back.
Grandma is going to teach Rita's dad how to finish weaving REAL QUICK. "You're going to need a musk ox." "An alpaca will do in a patch." Oh, he's got one of those.
Poor Rita, missing her mom for the wedding. She encourages Jessica to see hers. They meet for tea and cry. Jessica has the dress on.
Apparently teaching to weave over Skype...worked?!
Oliver tells Shane he loves her. GOOD JOB, OLIVER. "And I'm still contemplating what to do about that."
It's a wedding reunion! They're in a barn, Gabe from "Higher Ground" is playing. Oliver's dad tells him to "check the pockets, just in case."
Lovely dress on Rita. OLIVER'S GOT A GREEN TIE ON. Shane's eyes bug out of her head.
There's an owl in the rafters! Norman is distracted by birds once again!
Oliver proposes and "I promise I will never wear this tie again. My father picked it out."
AWWWWWWWWWW Love this show.

Now what am I going to do with the rest of my life?

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