Monday: Today: didn't do much but go grocery shopping and sit outside doing crafting. I sewed up the skirt with a hole in it to cover it up, then worked on my temperature gauge cross stitch. Now I've just got the middle to go. Mom briefly called to say she's driving again (thank gawd) even though her arm still hurts. Around town/to her house/to Jamba Juice/to a meeting, at least. We shall see how she is on Saturday on the freeway, I suppose.

Ashley wanted to go back to karaoke at Green River again tonight, and it was like 2019 again (minus my friends, sigh). Even Badger was back around again (with a ponytail!), singing about how beer is good and people are crazy. Ashley and I shared garlic fries and bacon fried rice and sang three songs and all was well.

Tuesday: Today at work: quiet, also we had a meeting with tech guys who were all, "Now that X is out, we don't know how to do the stuff he did, how's about we come up with something better to do that?" and I am very pleased with this.

I did not have therapy--she canceled again due to dead mom issues--but we basically did it over text this morning, hahahah, because I woke up at 5 a.m. again. She was all "masturbate and go back to sleep," hahahahah. (Doesn't work.) I whined on about you-know-who again and she said she suspects he's clueless as to how he hurt me and she thinks I should tell him, he didn't know what he was doing, etc. I asked if she'd want to know if she'd done something to really piss someone off, especially if it can't be fixed/repaired (honestly, would I want to know? I can't say an unqualified yes to that, maybe I'm better off not knowing what I did wrong and adding more fuel to the fire of shit to beat myself up with), and she said yes because almost anything can be repaired if one wants.

(On a related note, this video called "it's not you, it's THEM!")

However, is that a good idea to repair it? No, because I'm so lonely, desperate and sad that I want and will take any crumb, and I will take any little crumb as "he likes me." I need to be 100% starving, lonely and sad and accepting of all of that.

Singing lesson tonight: did "Fifty Percent" again (she said to work on chest voice before starting the new one), then started the very beginning of "Watch What Happens," which she says is so tricky SHE has trouble with it....with the fastness and taking breaths. I was all "eh, I've seen worse" and she gives me this look like, "what's worse?" and I'm all "Guns and Ships, muahahah."

Wednesday: Work: very quiet today. It should have been a crazy busy one because Quarterly Project is finally starting up, but I hardly got any panicked emails at all. Go figure.

I got a lot of crochet done and pen palling with people. Heard from Kelly so we did some writing about plays, winter funk, etc. She asked if I'd heard from Shanna (no, and I'm fine with that under the circumstances) and we discussed how weird it is to be ghosted and how one of her friends has ghosted her again, vs. people that at least let you know before they disappear. I said I'm feeling guilty about quiet quitting Scott, but no response to that one, of course, because I am being an idiot :P

Corresponding with my Canadian pen pal: she recently got screwed over at work and just quit. However, she can freelance and she's Canadian, so she won't totally lose health care and all that jazz. She apologized to me for possibly coming off bad about quitting when I don't quit, but I pointed out that she CAN quit because she finds other jobs and can freelance, whereas nobody's wanted to hire me for the last 20 years and my options are stay in the job, quit and become homeless, or kill myself. "Find another job" or "run my own business" are not options for me, so I stick with it. She thinks she quits too much when she gets screwed over, but I dunno, I think it's easier to do that when you have options, you know? No shame.

Tap class went well, we're doing a routine and I'm feeling like I got most of it done. Yay. I did ask if rehearsals were going on at the craft fair and she was all "yeah, they were behind the booths, I saw you walking around." *sigh*

Now I'm back to For All Mankind.

I really don't have much of anything to say these days. I'm finally posting entries but mostly I'm just combining the days because I HAVE NOTHING but mostly boredom and a whole lot of moping.

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