Chaos Attraction

Fish In A Tree

2012-01-05, 10:32 p.m.

From this week's Free Will Astrology:

"Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will spend its whole life believing it is stupid." Rumor has it that this pithy observation was uttered by Albert Einstein. I bring it to your attention, Taurus, because you'll be smart to keep it in mind throughout 2012. According to my astrological analysis, you will have an excellent opportunity to identify and hone and express your specific brilliance. So it is crucial that you eliminate any tendency you might have to see yourself as being like a fish whose job it is to climb a tree."

Boy, am I a fish trying to climb a tree here.

Today's moving/driving discussion wankery:

I have sort of come to the conclusion that finding some kind of month-to-month leasing may be the best idea for me under the circumstances.

(a) no big effing deal to worry about breaking year-long lease
(b) I could move whenever, keep my job, still have money rolling in, etc.
(c) I could keep looking for jobs online until I find something and then give notice-- that sounds like a plus rather than just flying by the seat of my pants down there.
(d) I could take some time to learn driving more.

(a) Where the hell do you find such things as a month-to-month lease here?
(b) May have to live in another town first, like the weentsy small towns in this area that I don't like too much.
(c) It's a lot easier to find a less-than-one-year lease once January hits, rather than staring out in September with everyone else.
(d) Moving fatigue may set in after doing one move and will I even want to uproot again?

Oh god, this stuff hurts my head and scares the shit out of me. I'm so Taurean and "don't want to move ever ever ever" about anything.

Though I will say that upon looking around for possible short-term leases in the area, things look more promising than I thought. Sure, there's only one rental property in town that definitely offers month-to-months-- and reasonably speaking, there's a wait list and you won't know when you get an apartment until the month before, so maybe I can't rely on getting into that one. But...maybe.

Argh. The moving and the driving is all I think about any more (well, that and designing a bunny hat-- hey, you gotta have some fun somewhere). I don't know how people do fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants moving, honestly.

And looking at car-buying stuff, dear god, the complications.

Maybe I really should just wait a year before I even start trying to tackle the yearlong lease issue though. The car buying ALONE may be more than enough for me to deal with this year. I really need to go to Mom's and make an appointment with the credit union to see if I even have the option of getting a loan through them. (And if they won't take me, who the hell will? :P)

Now, I've talked to my shrink about moving before. She's an East Coaster who took a lot of years to finally move to CA, and she told me it took her 2 years to move. She had a house to sell to deal with, and she said that if she'd taken her first offer she would have done better at it...but she wasn't totally ready to move yet. Understandable, I suppose. I may end up having to take a couple of years at this myself since I am a clueless git and all, I know.

Still sucks though.

I keep reading all of this stuff about how in order to facilitate the process of doing something different, you need to mentally get yourself there and imagine that you're there, feeling the feelings that you'd have there, only now. Oh yeah, and also NOT being conflicted about what you want. It sounds like a nice idea, if I had any idea how I'd feel in LA (terrified, probably, at least at first). And I have no idea how to not be conflicted about this shit. It took me a lot of years to get myself to 51% wanting to go instead of 49% wanting to go. Or being at 50/50, which I am about the major shit in life.

But I have no idea how to get 100% I WANT THIS, I AM TOTALLY COMMITTED HEART AND SOUL to well, anything. The realism kicks in, you see. The stuff of "It may take you a long time to figure out this car thing, and even longer on the driving thing, and how long is it going to take you to REALLY become an adult enough to do anything?" And that really interferes with my ability to commit to something 100% without backing out. Which I am obviously doing now even though I hate the idea of doing it. I don't want to back out on this moving idea, I don't want to back out on Having Decided Something For Once, but... realism kicks in.

And then I have thoughts like, "But what if you get laid off before you're ready to move, dumbass?" and go all crazy again.

I'm a little psychic, I admit it, but dammit, I wish I could get some more specifics on how to time this shit.

In other news, I have arranged with Dawn to go to Folsom on Sunday. I have not so much been wanting to book time this week, but if someone else is watching my back, maybe it won't suck to drive this time. Plus I cannot imagine her screaming in a car. So wish me luck.

previous entry - next entry
archives - current entry
hosted by